I realized today that I really do love my husband but I cut my feelings off so completely when he is using that I don't "know" that I love him. Is that sick? It is so sad for me when he starts using that I just fall apart and then to pick myself up again I "hate" him again. This is very damaging to myself, to not let myself feel my real feelings. Do you think that it makes it even worse later when I cannot "control" my feelings? Damn am I that messed up? And it is so easy to be nice to him when he is clean because he is nice too. But it is such a rollercoaster when he is not clean and I just want him to stay clean! I know things still need to be worked on and won't ever abandon Alanon but life really is so much easier when he is clean. Does any of this make sense? I know take it ODAT and try to stay happy if he uses but damn it really sux when he does. It is just not him anymore and I'm basically fakin it to make it. All I can do
Anybody understand what I mean? Or am I just thinking too much like usual?
nycbt said
Dec 15, 2005
It is very hard to deal with them when they use. When there are not doing anything you love them. It is hard to turn emotions on and off. When he drinks I try and distance my self from him which is hard. The next day i can't bring it up because he might get upset, but I alittle bring it up. Hang in there. Post on line and get to an alanon meeting.
toto12 said
Dec 15, 2005
Hi,
Heard it once described as a condition, "paralysis of analysis." We want to analyze everything so we can control and protect ourselves, most likely. I was told to "let go and let God." Not bad advice, just hard to learn.
toto
sonya said
Dec 15, 2005
I have a similar reaction - it is so hard to remember love in the midst of a drunken scene. I've got the detachment part down .... it is the "detachment with love" that I am working on. How do you detach and show love at the same time? Isn't that somewhat of an oxymoron? I have seen people successfully do this, but have not been able to fully achieve it myself yet.
I realized today that I really do love my husband but I cut my feelings off so completely when he is using that I don't "know" that I love him. Is that sick? It is so sad for me when he starts using that I just fall apart and then to pick myself up again I "hate" him again. This is very damaging to myself, to not let myself feel my real feelings. Do you think that it makes it even worse later when I cannot "control" my feelings? Damn am I that messed up? And it is so easy to be nice to him when he is clean because he is nice too. But it is such a rollercoaster when he is not clean and I just want him to stay clean! I know things still need to be worked on and won't ever abandon Alanon but life really is so much easier when he is clean. Does any of this make sense? I know take it ODAT and try to stay happy if he uses but damn it really sux when he does. It is just not him anymore and I'm basically fakin it to make it. All I can do
Anybody understand what I mean? Or am I just thinking too much like usual?
Hi,
Heard it once described as a condition, "paralysis of analysis." We want to analyze everything so we can control and protect ourselves, most likely. I was told to "let go and let God." Not bad advice, just hard to learn.
toto
I have a similar reaction - it is so hard to remember love in the midst of a drunken scene. I've got the detachment part down .... it is the "detachment with love" that I am working on. How do you detach and show love at the same time? Isn't that somewhat of an oxymoron? I have seen people successfully do this, but have not been able to fully achieve it myself yet.
Sonya