Yesterday the answer to my divorce complaint came.
My husband denies everyone of my complaints.
Even though they are true
He has submitted a list of complaints about me.
My lawyer enclosed a letter stating that we deny all of my husbands complaints (before I even got a copy of the complaints)
Even though some of them are true.
So at this point my lawyer says, we put the complaints aside and work on the financial details.
Easier for him to say then for me to do.
One complaint about me that is now recorded in the court is that I became emotionally unavailable to my husband.
This is certainly true.Sure thing I did. I left the house, left the room, went anywhere not to be around him when he was drunk and crazy. Since he drank 24/7 he was always drunk and crazy. I detached by taking sleeping pills and locking myself in the closet to sleep through the night. I detached by eating junk food.
This I admit to. I detached. Certainly, sadly, not with love. But with a fierce desire for self-preservation.
So I now have to let go. I heard the other night someone sharing their ESH and they said, everything I ever let go had my claw marks on it.
I don't want to leave my claw marks on my marriage.
14 years is a long time. Many good years before the illness progressed.
Megan
bobump said
Dec 15, 2005
{{{Megan}}}
I certainly understand. Just listening to my A in therapy (for my daughter no less) and she would blame everything on me. Even when I was explaining something and saying I could understand why she thought this way because of my past patterns of behavior, she starts defending her behaviors.
I can see that if I file it may be ugly.
Bob
nycbt said
Dec 15, 2005
Good post well done. Like I have said to u before u are not the same person u were before. You are alot stronger. He was running out of things to say so he had to pick something and that is the best he came up with. Doesn't he realize that it is hard to deal with someone that is crazy all the time.
browneyes said
Dec 15, 2005
((((((((((Megan))))))))))
I am sending you very supportive hugs. I am sorry you are going through this right now. Try to see it for what it is, not necessarily "true". You were defending your sanity the best way you knew how. Hang in there, Megan. HP will take care of you :)
With support
Julie
Faith73 said
Dec 15, 2005
(((megan))))
i love your honesty. i can so relate, i did the same, detached without that love part. i just couldn't bring myself to being happy around my active A and it's so hard when the mud slinging starts. you've come so far, and watching your growth is awesome. your post inspired me once again that i need to let go and let god.
thank you
love, christine
megan said
Dec 15, 2005
Hi roomies (((roomies)))
Thank-you so much for the hugs and the support.
it helps me immensely to be able to share with you guys and get your support.
megan
Barbara said
Dec 15, 2005
{{Megan}}
cedarpines said
Dec 15, 2005
Hi ((((Meagan)))),
Hugs to you - Divorce sucks. I remember getting the first document in the mail & reading it. OMG reading those words in writing tore me apart. I was crushed & cried buckets. How could someone who once claimed to love me say those things in writing .... but I know today that they weren't necessarily all true. I see where you wanted to admit your part. I just want to encourage you to forgive yourself or ask HP and your sponsor to help with that. I know you're smart enough to also realize some of this is a mud slinging battle like another person stated. Be gentle with yourself - do good things for you if possible. You did the best you could at the time. Above all - don't reread it over and over like I did - I tortured myself because I was determined to refute his arguments - stupid waste of my time & energy. I can see all this in hind sight, because I wasn't in recovery at the time. My heart goes out to you.
Yesterday the answer to my divorce complaint came.
My husband denies everyone of my complaints.
Even though they are true
He has submitted a list of complaints about me.
My lawyer enclosed a letter stating that we deny all of my husbands complaints (before I even got a copy of the complaints)
Even though some of them are true.
So at this point my lawyer says, we put the complaints aside and work on the financial details.
Easier for him to say then for me to do.
One complaint about me that is now recorded in the court is that I became emotionally unavailable to my husband.
This is certainly true.Sure thing I did. I left the house, left the room, went anywhere not to be around him when he was drunk and crazy. Since he drank 24/7 he was always drunk and crazy. I detached by taking sleeping pills and locking myself in the closet to sleep through the night. I detached by eating junk food.
This I admit to. I detached. Certainly, sadly, not with love. But with a fierce desire for self-preservation.
So I now have to let go. I heard the other night someone sharing their ESH and they said, everything I ever let go had my claw marks on it.
I don't want to leave my claw marks on my marriage.
14 years is a long time. Many good years before the illness progressed.
Megan
Good post well done. Like I have said to u before u are not the same person u were before. You are alot stronger. He was running out of things to say so he had to pick something and that is the best he came up with. Doesn't he realize that it is hard to deal with someone that is crazy all the time.
((((((((((Megan))))))))))
I am sending you very supportive hugs. I am sorry you are going through this right now. Try to see it for what it is, not necessarily "true". You were defending your sanity the best way you knew how. Hang in there, Megan. HP will take care of you :)
With support
Julie
(((megan))))
i love your honesty. i can so relate, i did the same, detached without that love part. i just couldn't bring myself to being happy around my active A and it's so hard when the mud slinging starts. you've come so far, and watching your growth is awesome. your post inspired me once again that i need to let go and let god.
thank you
love, christine
Hi roomies (((roomies)))
Thank-you so much for the hugs and the support.
it helps me immensely to be able to share with you guys and get your support.
megan
Hi ((((Meagan)))),
Hugs to you - Divorce sucks. I remember getting the first document in the mail & reading it. OMG reading those words in writing tore me apart. I was crushed & cried buckets. How could someone who once claimed to love me say those things in writing .... but I know today that they weren't necessarily all true. I see where you wanted to admit your part. I just want to encourage you to forgive yourself or ask HP and your sponsor to help with that. I know you're smart enough to also realize some of this is a mud slinging battle like another person stated. Be gentle with yourself - do good things for you if possible. You did the best you could at the time. Above all - don't reread it over and over like I did - I tortured myself because I was determined to refute his arguments - stupid waste of my time & energy. I can see all this in hind sight, because I wasn't in recovery at the time. My heart goes out to you.
God Bless,
Cedarpines