Hi, I have been on a long hiatus (sp.?) from the boards. But have to get into counseling to untangle many threads. Medication changes, too. Seems like I hold myself back, and I do not even know the reasons why. Husband is sober, but I still hold "me" back. Could be I still feel enmeshed, smothered, not really knowing what my end goal is. The waiting game is supposed to be over---waiting for my A to get sober. He is 12 months now. Why cannot I get on with me?
Some days it's like having that incorrigible dennis the menace around that Mr. Wilson detests, dad can see right through, and those doting folks around who say he's so cute and nice and just a boy! Someone who was not around is always in my kitchen and the perfect Househusband. Something that never was before. He notices everything and I mean Everything. So much of him seems so large. So much of me to rebuild as I seem so small. I hold me back, and I do not know all the reasons, that' s what they tell me. They have not come into my awareness yet, so they say. (counselor) For now, I am clueless.
Why would I want to hold myself back, when I feel like I am ready to roll some days? Sometimes I agree with the counselor, and sometimes I agree that it is just about my HP's timing. It will be time when it's time.
(Hopes this helps someone) [Recovery is gluing together the pieces and I have been at it 3 yrs.]
KathyS said
Dec 14, 2005
I think it's great that you're in counseling but let me ask you this......are you working the Al Anon program? F2f meetings, sponsor, stepwork, learning to use the tools of this program in your daily life? I believe doing these things along with your counseling will help you get back to you.
We all believe that if only our A's would stop using that all would be well. When we get honest with ourselves thru this program, or in your case from experience that now he's not using and you're still not where you'd like to be........we realize that we really do need to work on us. That most if not all of our problems are within us, and even though the A's in our lives might have brought them to light, they are not the cause of them.
Make sense?
abbyal said
Dec 14, 2005
Hello Walsa , your missing alot of the good days walsa , by not trusting what your seeing .Sobriety is what we pray for , and when we get it don't know what to do with it and don't trust it. His sobriety is a bonus it cannot be what makes u happy, happiness is an inside job it comes from you - yor the only one who can do this for you.
Perhaps your in the" How do you manage when there is no one left to manage??" stage. I sat there for awhile doing nothing , getting nowhere fast. We give others back their lives , allow them to grow up and then there is nothing for us to do. When I said that to someone she replied well dear NOW U GET A LIFE!!!
Interesting concept huh ? DON'T MISS THE GOOD DAYS WALSA God knows we had enough of the bad ones.
Louise
nmike said
Dec 14, 2005
Welcome back! I miss your posts. You say alot of good things. So you don't hold back here. It is always a challenge living with an alcoholic. Sometimes you lose yourself to the disease.
Hi, I have been on a long hiatus (sp.?) from the boards. But have to get into counseling to untangle many threads. Medication changes, too. Seems like I hold myself back, and I do not even know the reasons why. Husband is sober, but I still hold "me" back. Could be I still feel enmeshed, smothered, not really knowing what my end goal is. The waiting game is supposed to be over---waiting for my A to get sober. He is 12 months now. Why cannot I get on with me?
Some days it's like having that incorrigible dennis the menace around that Mr. Wilson detests, dad can see right through, and those doting folks around who say he's so cute and nice and just a boy! Someone who was not around is always in my kitchen and the perfect Househusband. Something that never was before. He notices everything and I mean Everything. So much of him seems so large. So much of me to rebuild as I seem so small.
I hold me back, and I do not know all the reasons, that' s what they tell me. They have not come into my awareness yet, so they say. (counselor) For now, I am clueless. 
Why would I want to hold myself back, when I feel like I am ready to roll some days? Sometimes I agree with the counselor, and sometimes I agree that it is just about my HP's timing. It will be time when it's time.
(Hopes this helps someone) [Recovery is gluing together the pieces and I have been at it 3 yrs.]
I think it's great that you're in counseling but let me ask you this......are you working the Al Anon program? F2f meetings, sponsor, stepwork, learning to use the tools of this program in your daily life? I believe doing these things along with your counseling will help you get back to you.
We all believe that if only our A's would stop using that all would be well. When we get honest with ourselves thru this program, or in your case from experience that now he's not using and you're still not where you'd like to be........we realize that we really do need to work on us. That most if not all of our problems are within us, and even though the A's in our lives might have brought them to light, they are not the cause of them.
Make sense?
Hello Walsa , your missing alot of the good days walsa , by not trusting what your seeing .Sobriety is what we pray for , and when we get it don't know what to do with it and don't trust it. His sobriety is a bonus it cannot be what makes u happy, happiness is an inside job it comes from you - yor the only one who can do this for you.
Perhaps your in the" How do you manage when there is no one left to manage??" stage. I sat there for awhile doing nothing , getting nowhere fast. We give others back their lives , allow them to grow up and then there is nothing for us to do. When I said that to someone she replied well dear NOW U GET A LIFE!!!
Interesting concept huh ? DON'T MISS THE GOOD DAYS WALSA God knows we had enough of the bad ones.
Louise
Welcome back! I miss your posts. You say alot of good things. So you don't hold back here. It is always a challenge living with an alcoholic. Sometimes you lose yourself to the disease.
In support,
Nancy