give up...give in...let go...sounds soo easy huh????
rosie light shines said
Dec 14, 2005
Subject: Step Three
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God." Many of us have confused ideas about what it means to surrender to the care of God. Anyone who has battled with control issues may have a hard time giving up, giving in, and letting go. Sometimes we surrender too much. We become victimized, we refuse to take care of ourselves, and we blame that on God. Most of us find that if we stay open, we find our own path to spirituality. Most of us find things work out if we begin with whatever amount of belief, or disbelief, we possess. God knows our hearts and God understands our healing needs. God understands the good that we can't see yet. God sees the benefit in the lessons we are learning, not just the turmoil, which is what we so often focus on. Usually we find God's will by becoming quiet, trusting God, and listening to and trusting ourselves.
############ to me "surrender" meant being abused/ robbed by ANOTHER entity....first it was my perp...now something that i cannot see....was NOT "there for me" during the abuse.....had TONS of chances to help me get out of there but did not.......did not answer my cries for help........did NOT interfer.......so surrender to me is the hardest thing....almost impossible cuz of my trust issues and surrender is about "trusting that things will work out when i take my hands/ control OFF"...........
#######my life was so out of control growing up, that in order to avoid that "helpless/ crazy" feeling again, i had the "ILLUSION" of control, and of course, looking at it now, i see that i was STILL not in control, but raging/ fighting/ resisting/ manipulating ANWAY.......so to me??? even tho i still have major trust issues in a non interfering god, i know that i MUST....i am WILLING to "give up..give in...let go" bcuz i am wearing myself OUT.....i am running me into the ground TRYING to control when all i am doing is making the karma WORSE......
############yeah, i can see "too much surrender..." like for me i just want to lie down and give UP.....but no, i will NOT refuse to take care of me.....i am OPEN...i am WILLING.....but i need HELP in trusting ANYthing outside of me...thats fact...i went through too much...too many betrayals....too many broken promises....heck i read the bible ..all those beautiful promises....i never saw any of them...so i figure maybe the author meant the after life, or it was directed to the ancient jews in israel....it sure didn't happen for me.....so i felt "betrayed' sort of by that...i am just working the program and looking withIN me.....i am WILLING to be "still" to trust, but i need INDUSTRIAL strength help......
mean this is as painful , almost, as the actual abuse.....and maybe even worse at times, cuz during the abuse, i could "deny...numb out..." the perp fed me alcohol to make me "compliant" i mean i was numbed out or dissassociative.....now???? i am sober AND open AND not in denyal NOT shutting down.....i am getting this "tooth pulled" with NO novacain.....and i am in PAIN.......beginning a year ago june, i began the grief cycles which had a lid named "anger/rage"......and i'll tell you, this grief is a "hay maker"........i don't know how much longer i can go on grieving and mourning the ENORMOUS losses i suffered......oh i KNOW that i will HOPEFULLY eventually get to the end.........i mean it HAS to end SOME day!!!! there HAS to be some joy to equal out this pain right?????? there are times, like now when i am feeling low, that there is NO end to the pain/grief!!!!! ...
#######my sponser told me "the deeper the pain??? the deeper the recovery"........god help me!!!!!!! my proposed SOLUTION??? and i always offer up what solution to my pain.......for me????? i resolve to take Xtra loving care of me....(bought "dukes of hazzard" season 4 and i am going to curl up over this cold weekend and watch this fun show) THAN , concurrently , do a GRATITUDE list to help me see SOME good in this pain...............continued step work...literature and not just reading but PRACTICE what i read/keep.......sponser work........MEETS!!!!!!! the WORKS!!!!!!!!
notsonew1111 said
Dec 14, 2005
good for you (((rosie))) sounds like you have an awesome weekend ahead of you. keep it up
Subject: Step Three
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God." Many of us have confused ideas about what it means to surrender to the care of God. Anyone who has battled with control issues may have a hard time giving up, giving in, and letting go. Sometimes we surrender too much. We become victimized, we refuse to take care of ourselves, and we blame that on God. Most of us find that if we stay open, we find our own path to spirituality. Most of us find things work out if we begin with whatever amount of belief, or disbelief, we possess. God knows our hearts and God understands our healing needs. God understands the good that we can't see yet. God sees the benefit in the lessons we are learning, not just the turmoil, which is what we so often focus on. Usually we find God's will by becoming quiet, trusting God, and listening to and trusting ourselves.
############ to me "surrender" meant being abused/ robbed by ANOTHER entity....first it was my perp...now something that i cannot see....was NOT "there for me" during the abuse.....had TONS of chances to help me get out of there but did not.......did not answer my cries for help........did NOT interfer.......so surrender to me is the hardest thing....almost impossible cuz of my trust issues and surrender is about "trusting that things will work out when i take my hands/ control OFF"...........
#######my life was so out of control growing up, that in order to avoid that "helpless/ crazy" feeling again, i had the "ILLUSION" of control, and of course, looking at it now, i see that i was STILL not in control, but raging/ fighting/ resisting/ manipulating ANWAY.......so to me??? even tho i still have major trust issues in a non interfering god, i know that i MUST....i am WILLING to "give up..give in...let go" bcuz i am wearing myself OUT.....i am running me into the ground TRYING to control when all i am doing is making the karma WORSE......
############yeah, i can see "too much surrender..." like for me i just want to lie down and give UP.....but no, i will NOT refuse to take care of me.....i am OPEN...i am WILLING.....but i need HELP in trusting ANYthing outside of me...thats fact...i went through too much...too many betrayals....too many broken promises....heck i read the bible ..all those beautiful promises....i never saw any of them...so i figure maybe the author meant the after life, or it was directed to the ancient jews in israel....it sure didn't happen for me.....so i felt "betrayed' sort of by that...i am just working the program and looking withIN me.....i am WILLING to be "still" to trust, but i need INDUSTRIAL strength help......
mean this is as painful , almost, as the actual abuse.....and maybe even worse at times, cuz during the abuse, i could "deny...numb out..." the perp fed me alcohol to make me "compliant" i mean i was numbed out or dissassociative.....now???? i am sober AND open AND not in denyal NOT shutting down.....i am getting this "tooth pulled" with NO novacain.....and i am in PAIN.......beginning a year ago june, i began the grief cycles which had a lid named "anger/rage"......and i'll tell you, this grief is a "hay maker"........i don't know how much longer i can go on grieving and mourning the ENORMOUS losses i suffered......oh i KNOW that i will HOPEFULLY eventually get to the end.........i mean it HAS to end SOME day!!!! there HAS to be some joy to equal out this pain right?????? there are times, like now when i am feeling low, that there is NO end to the pain/grief!!!!! ...
#######my sponser told me "the deeper the pain??? the deeper the recovery"........god help me!!!!!!! my proposed SOLUTION??? and i always offer up what solution to my pain.......for me????? i resolve to take Xtra loving care of me....(bought "dukes of hazzard" season 4 and i am going to curl up over this cold weekend and watch this fun show) THAN , concurrently , do a GRATITUDE list to help me see SOME good in this pain...............continued step work...literature and not just reading but PRACTICE what i read/keep.......sponser work........MEETS!!!!!!! the WORKS!!!!!!!!