Hi Alanon friends,

My recovering A husband and I will be married 32 years on Christmas Eve. We married on that day because of convenience not out of religion, etc. He told me a year ago November that he wanted out of the marriage, he wanted a divorce, and that his quest was for his own happiness. He moved out in June after our last son graduated from high school. He basically amputated everything in our relationship - the good and the bad. Of course, this year there has not been much of a marriage.

In my dark, sad moments I miss my husband and those wonderful things we shared together including being a family with our 3 sons. I consider being married to this alcoholic a gift from my HP to force me to look at myself. As the denial floats away I realize that I have made my husband into what I was hoping he would be. I have tolerated poor treatment because I haven't taken responsibility for my own life. I thought I had control of his behavior but I ended up being the one out of control.

Holidays have been hard for me but going into this one, I feel a sense of relief because I have left many of those expectations behind. I don't want to put on a happy face for the sake of my children anymore. I don't want my sons to think that it is ok to just walk out on a relationship. I am trying to separate what behavior of my husband's is my business and what is between my husband and his HP.

I am not willing to continue this perpetual in house emotional divorce. I have actually chosen my words more carefully and have tried to listen to my HP for guidance. I truly do not know what to do. I know that I can decide to not react to everything that my A does. I have decided to celebrate the gifts of my marriage - the good and the bad. I have decided to treat myself well. I truly like myself a whole lot more knowing that I am imperfect.

I know that I will be sad because of what was but I feel so much stronger than last year. I want to take care of myself. One way I can do this is to support others who also struggle. I am thankful for the hard lessons that I have learned from living with alcoholism. I am thankful that I have found a recovery program in Alanon. I am thankful for my sons. And I am thankful that you all are here sharing your challenges. They are so powerful.

Thank you for letting me have a place to go.

Nancy

 

 

nmike... I'm thankful that there are so many hear that will share like you have, with such an open and honest heart. There is so much es&h in this share. The pain, the introspection, the conviction of taking responsibility but only for what is yours, the hope that even the sadness of the divorce and both the painful and good times of a marraige may somehow lead to a better person and life later if one works their program. I thank you for coming here and sharing it with us. {{{nmike}}} Bob