Are you still out there.  I had sent you PM and hadn't heard back from you.  Just wanted to know if all is okay?

Hugs Mary

Hi - I'm still here!  My A is still in rehab.  He gets out next Wednesday.  Having some peace at home has been such a blessing, although it has been hard work with my job and my three little ones.  I read the board every day and it's such a help.  I've also been going to f2f meetings at least 2 times a week, and I started seeing a counselor (although I've only had one appt. and will likely only get one more in before my A gets out).

I'm starting to understand what they say about early recovery being very difficult.  My A is on such a rollercoaster and I have to keep reminding myself of that.  He is still very angry that I called the police on him and that I told them everything that happened instead of softening it.  Whenever it comes up he keeps saying I ruined his career (he's a lawyer who practices in the courts where his case is now pending and he knows all the judges) and his reputation.  He keeps pushing me to say I did the wrong thing, but I just can't.  I'm sick about the whole situation, but I just can't say that I think I shouldn't have called the police, or that I shouldn't have told them the truth about what he did.  But the weird thing is that I am not angry at him for what he did that night.  I think it's because I know it was because he is so very sick, but part of me has to wonder if that's just a sign of my own sickness?  I wish I knew the answer to that.

Right now the big issue is whether my A will come home to live when he gets out.  He called last week to say he would be getting his own place, because he felt his resentment and anger toward me would hinder his recovery.  I have to admit I was relieved in a way, but didn't tell him that.  I said you need to do what is going to support your sobriety because that comes first.  Then after meeting with some counselors there, he was back to planning on coming home (although he still is saying if he gets a conviction out of this our relationship is over).  He has said he's committed to staying sober, he has lots of incentive, that he's going to do 90 AA meetings in 90 days when he gets out, etc. 

He still has so much shame/anger/embarrasment/pride that he won't let me come to the family group therapy sessions in rehab, which concerns me a lot.  I finally put a call into the counselor he seems to see the most to talk to him and get another perspective about what's going on.  I'm trying to be flexible and ride this out one day at a time.  I really would like for him to get sober, work his program, and end up with a better relationship so that we keep our family intact.  But, I also have some concern that even sober there are going to be lots of issues out of the fact that I got him arrested.

Anyway, thanks for listening and wondering about me.  This Board is so, so helpful and I feel so at home.  (And I always forget about the private messages, which I need to check - I appreciate the kind thoughts I received) 

Maggie

Yeah, I can see how you might be relieved if he were to go somewhere else for a while. Not drinking is good, but it is not sobriety - sobriety comes with years of making psoitive changes in how he relates to the wrold. You can see that here - even though he is not drunk, he is still blaming YOU for the consequences of HIS behaviour. Whether he comes home or not is not all up to him, - you have some say in this. I know it is very hard for me to stand up to my husband, you may be the same way, but if you can, try to think what is best for you, and push for it. I am finding that as we both work our programs, life is not perfect, but we are getting better at working throough our issues. We don't do such destructive things when we disagree, we manage to hear at least a little of what the other person is saying.... Quitting drinking is just the first step, give yourselves time, and credit for how far you have come.