Hi Roomies

I am anxious and nervous so my best friend suggested that I post.

I filed for divorce in August.

My complaint was ugly and dirty laundry and sadly true.

My husband’s answer to my complaint was due 10/22 and he got a 30 day extension.

I have been nagging my lawyer to enforce the deadline and last Thursday when I called him he said he would mail the answer to my complaint to me that day. He said I should read it once and put it away.

It is still not here so I emailed the lawyer.

I want to know what he said.

Certainly I had a part in the dirty laundry.

My sponsor suggested that men will put a good light on the marriage and deny problems.

I just want to know.

So I am reading my literature, keeping busy with wrapping Christmas presents and trying to keep my anxiety low.

Just venting

Thanks for listening

Megan

Megan,

I am impressed that you have bought Christmas presents already.  There is still a whole two weeks until the big day.  I of course, rush around the week before Christmas and always forget somoeone.  I am sure your way is much better.

Keep reading your literature.  Would what he has to say matter much?  Keep the focus on you.  You are doing great!

Thank-you Powerless.

Would what he has to say matter much? Excellent point - NO!!!!!

The slogan how important is it - good one, I needed to hear this, thanks so much

I bought coal for my 9 siblings back in Septmber when I was in Jim Thorpe Pa mountain biking with the Boy scouts.

They will each get a coal sculpture from anthracite mined in PA.

My greatgrandfather was a coal miner.

Megan,

My divorce was very ugly.  My ex said many lies about me to take the attention away from his alcoholism and brain injury.  We both spent way too much money on lawyers and it changed nothing.  My lawyer cast no stones his way and although it infuriated me at the time.  Now I am glad that he did not do it.  I now am trying to get on with my life and do what is best for my child.  Without him...I would not have her and she is the best thing I have ever done.

Julia

Julia

Thank you very much for sharing your experience with me.

Lies to deflect from the alcoholism, I am sure that will happen with me.

Take the higher ground, I can do that.

thanks so much, this helps me alot

Megan

Hi (((Megan))),

I so agree with what Powerless said.  He is gonna say what he is gonna say and no amount of worry or anxiety is gonna change one thing.  Try to keep yourself focused on the goal!!  and on yourside of the fence.  I also like how justme's lawyer kept their side focused on the issue at hand and did not engage in needless rock throwing... as it certainly changes little if anything in the end. 

I was so fortunate to have this program, as did my ex wife hers, at the time of our divorce.  By no means was it pleasant, but we were able to get through it as easily as I think it was possible to, primarily by my acceptance of the situation and the realization that it (the divorce) was necessary to the future happiness of both of us.

Keep reminding yourself that what he thinks about you is none of your business. 

And whip out dat screw if ya need it!!! 

Hang in there my Friend, you are doing great!!!!

Yours in recovery,

David

p.s.  I love the coal sculptures!!!!   What a wonderful gift, especially with your family history!!!!

Hi David

Thank-you for the ESH and the screw, I have it in my purse, I think, perhaps, it is time to pull it out.  I do need to use my program. what my husband thinks of me does not matter, good point

Keep my focus on the goal, yes, that settles my anxiety some, good idea.

The coal, yes, I was so thrilled to find it, oddly :) the only coal sculpter in the USA....

((((Megan)))

Oh geeze, I relate. Any divorce is hard. I agree they can bring out all the uglies, I will add since you are the one filing for the divorce please keep in mind you are dealing with someone who likely has a bruised ego. I also agree some lawyers will try to throw in more nasty things for of paying for their exotic car (s). The day I went to court for the divorce to be final it honestly felt as if the clouds disappeared and the sun came out. You are a very intelligent woman and have many tools to see this though.
What a wonderful -thoughful idea with the gifts.
Lots of well wishes,
Tracey

Tracey

(((Tracey)))

Thank-you  so much for the hugs and the ESH.

I am certainly buying my lawyer an exotic car lol.

Yes, the uglies...

and thanks for the heads up on the bruised ego, certainly  a factor.....

I am waiting for the clouds to clear, thank-you for offering hope :)

yes thank-you Leo

You are right, nothing that happens now can touch what I lived through, tears on the keyboard..

Yes, I am a survivor, thank-you for the affirmation :)

Megan

Once I saw the coal sculptures, I knew, I needed to share them with my family, estranged for 14 years, NEVER AGAIN....

((((((((((Megan))))))))))),

I really cannot add any more other than my heart goes out to you and I wanted to give you big hugs.

Use dat screw :) but take it out of your purse (or keep it out of sight) when you go to court ~ cause otherwise they might take it away from ya.

love Maria

Hiya Megan,

I was going to say basically the same as everyone else has so far....ask yourself why you are making what he has to say so important?  Is anything he says going to change anything, including your feelings?  What are you afraid of?  Ask yourself, what is the worst case scenario?  I think if you can answer these questions........you'll find some peace in this situation.

man i know that feeling, what a horrible time of day when you drive up to that mail box and you open the sqeeky door, and your heart races and your face gets flush and and and..... at least that's what i did when i had my divorce back in 99.  Every day I gave my power away to my ex, every day i was a slave to whatever he was going to do or say, man that was horrible, if only i woulda had alanon back then, things are different now.
You know, seems alllll the slogans fit here, one day at a time, how important is it, this too shall pass, saying the serenity prayer.  I will be praying for you my friend, know your not alone.

lots of love, Trina

Thank-you so much for being here my friends.

My mind is in a much better, stronger, calmer and healthier place now.

Thanks for helping me steer the ship when the compass hit a magnetic field

in recovery

Megna

(((((((Megan)))))))))

The first thing I thought of was why would you be feeling nervous?  Then I thought that maybe it would be kinda like living through it again, reading what he had to say.  Like stirring it all up again, and the anger and fear.  And the lies and the guilt.  For me, I am always second guessing myself with my husband, like maybe what he tells me is true, that is is my fault somehow.  I could be totally off base here but it is also the final chapter in the relationship, which brings more change.  And change brings a lot of stress to a person's life, so maybe you are feeling the effects of all you have gone through these past months.  It is hard to let go of someone you spent a life with and knowing that it will be over soon can be stressful.  Give yourself some time, be gentle with yourself, and it really doesn't matter what he says.  You know who you are inside...

You are doing great and thank you for sharing Megan

Love Julie

Hello megan,

My heart goes out to you! (((((Megan)))) Some things are best not seen. In a personal injury lawsuit I had, the lawyers suggested I not read the medical reports etc. I never did and I am glad I didn't. There was something written that I could have had a law suit too for breaking confidentiality but it would have cost me too much in legal fees to sue for that one thing. There is so much in the world we do not have control over. Out of site out of mind comes to me right now. You may have a very smart attorney. If you do choose to read it, do it with a close friend right next to you for support at the time. I remember things my one friend's husband put in hers and it mentioned things that no one should see. Judges and attorneys are use to it and there are many attorneys will not do divorce cases because of all these hurtful things. How empowering for you it would be not read it. You have such support and so many replies that ditto my feelings too. Keep us updated. xoxoxox cdb

I am happy so many people have respond to you. They are all right. You don't have to worry about what he says he is going to lie he is not going to be telling you the truth. Hang in there you have made it this far you can make it alittle longer.