thank you for all your support, I do appreciate it. I am still dragging myself through these holidays...no feeling for them really...I detached from most everything, except the As in my life..thought I had done really well, and then one came back into my life.my father..and hes brought the baggage in with him..though I was stronger than that..just when I go up one step, I fall down two...next yr will be better..my brother is still on the grief list...his loss just threw me...never, expected it, didn't see it coming..and yet afterward, it was clear to me what he was doing. Why didn't I see it. I know, Im beating myself up, that's what As are good at doing to us. I need to let go, and let God. I'm trying to. I hate the disease, and I don't like much the man who started with all this , my father, no one is a greater grinch than he was and still is...there's no separating the two..he is the worst one...sorry, needed to vent, thank you for listening..I want to be real again, to feel something other than disgust, to be able to laugh a little and not take life quite so seriously...take care all...kat
leo said
Dec 10, 2005
HI Kat,
When I first joined on MIP I wanted the answers to everything straight away and I put pressure on myself to try and apply all the new stuff I was absorbing. It is all a learning curve. I was trying to detach and stop enabling without really understanding what they meant. Concentrate on the 3 C's first and everything else will start to fall into place. It is not easy to have a smile on your face when the world is crumbling around you. You will smile again. Read some of the old posts here and you will see you are not alone and may even find humour in some of the things we have written. Luv Leo x
cdb said
Dec 11, 2005
(((((((((((kat4u)))))))))) My heart goes out to you! Grieving is a process. I am sure you know that. You know how much I can feel your loss too and gosh, I wish I could make it all better for you! Does it really matter if we dont feel the holiday spirit? Afterall it is just a small time in the scope of our lives? This is one thing I say to myself. It helps to not put so much pressure on me. Before we know it, all this holiday stuff will be over just like a wedding. So, why not get back to living in the moment and keeping things simple? Just thinking out loud. ((((((((kat)))))) again, I wish I could take you pain away my friend. xoxoxox cdb
kat4u said
Dec 11, 2005
thanks for your replies...it is rough to grieve over the holidays...and for an A too, and all the heartbreak you experience with just the usual ups and downs of their lives. I'm not too detached right now. Found myself detaching from other things totally not related to my life..and my brother's life. I've found some peace with my issues with my (a) father, knowing he will probably not come around to see my point of view, and never take responsibility for his part. I have to let that go. Detach, and not let his negative energy invade my thoughts..He doesn't have to love his own kids, no one made that a rule. Why he had us...I may never know, but not to take rejection seriously, hes not a nice person, sober or drunk..it doesn't matter. He has his right to his life and how he wants to live it, with or without me. I can't change things, what is done is done..can't live in the past..only for today. Anyway...ty all..I've come back home to Alanon, here online where I belong.
cdb said
Dec 11, 2005
Welcome back kat! ((((((((supportive,loving,hugs)))))))) Remember, your story will help others! Thoughts and prayers going out to you. cdb :)
thank you for all your support, I do appreciate it. I am still dragging myself through these holidays...no feeling for them really...I detached from most everything, except the As in my life..thought I had done really well, and then one came back into my life.my father..and hes brought the baggage in with him..though I was stronger than that..just when I go up one step, I fall down two...next yr will be better..my brother is still on the grief list...his loss just threw me...never, expected it, didn't see it coming..and yet afterward, it was clear to me what he was doing. Why didn't I see it. I know, Im beating myself up, that's what As are good at doing to us. I need to let go, and let God. I'm trying to. I hate the disease, and I don't like much the man who started with all this , my father, no one is a greater grinch than he was and still is...there's no separating the two..he is the worst one...sorry, needed to vent, thank you for listening..I want to be real again, to feel something other than disgust, to be able to laugh a little and not take life quite so seriously...take care all...kat
HI Kat,
When I first joined on MIP I wanted the answers to everything straight away and I put pressure on myself to try and apply all the new stuff I was absorbing. It is all a learning curve. I was trying to detach and stop enabling without really understanding what they meant. Concentrate on the 3 C's first and everything else will start to fall into place. It is not easy to have a smile on your face when the world is crumbling around you. You will smile again. Read some of the old posts here and you will see you are not alone and may even find humour in some of the things we have written. Luv Leo x