I try to take one day at a time, But sometimes several day's attck me at once.

Timeline

 

Monday Dec.5, am

I call police and have my A arrested for under the influance. Last used meth. on Sunday. He was disorented, anxiety,confused, age regressed, scared, crying, complusive, paraonid, didn't eat or drink fluids Sun. and didn't sleep all Sun. evening. Police depart. releases him at 1:30 am Tues. morning. It's freezing outside, he has no where to go. I call the police depart.to inquire why they have released him. The officer states " because he is sober, we only keep them until they are sober". I reply that you don't know Meth. the scareiest and most difficult monments are yet to come. I drive 35 miles to police station to pick him up. He is still confused, and all of the above mentioned symptoms. I give him a blanket and have him sleep in the car.

Tues. 6, am

He had slept a few hours. Feeling a little less confused I bring him in the house and into his room to sleep. Sleeps very little. Won't eat but I have various kinds of natural drinks available for him. He drinks fluids. We can't carry a conversion he's disorented, fearful, and confused but to a lesser degree. P.M. didn't sleep again most of the night.

Wed. 7, am

Gets up late sleeps a few hours in am.  Wakes up. I think he  is continuing to use because he isn't crashing yet and anger is still not showing up. Does eat much of  anything, drinking few fluids. He is losing weight fast, his cheeks sink in. He is light weight anyway but he looks unhealthy.  Sleeps off and on. I'm feeling tired. He won't let me sleep. I hear noises, someone is in the back yard. I need to talk, etc....... our conversations end up in frustration he doesn't comprehend much. It's all about him, paranoid, compulsive. I'm not going to work. I have a trip to Sacramento Wed. & Thurs., work related I had to cancel. Won't come out of his room much. Got some sleep Wed. night.

Thursday 8,

Smoking alot all week, still not eating much at all. Confused a little less drinking fluids. he is looking poor in health. Isolating, complusive, conversations don't make much sense. Won't go to meetings. Had a court appearance. Won't come home. Left him at the park. States he can't live at home. Places all blame on using on me. Calls at 11:00 pm comes home, nowhere to sleep. No one will have him. Arrives clear headed sounds fairly normal. Good conversation but slightly to talkative. Normally, distant looks to good to be true in such a short period of time, Thats Meth. Didn't sleep at night. Told me he had appointment. Told his grandmother he was leaving Friday that he had a place to go.

Friday 9,

Wants me to get up it's 6:30 am, Claims he has appointments. I get up and get ready, his ready. He has no appointments and no place to go, come to find out.I drove him around all day looking for resources he wants help. He has a bed at an inpatient for Monday latest Tuesday. Conversations confusing, repetative, but his making the calls and the arrangements to check into a residential program. I live with my 75yr. old Mom she doesn't want him at home anymore. He doesn't want to come home. My neice allows him to stay at his home. Only If I stay with him. She's going out. I stay with him. He slowly deterorates throught the evening. His getting highly paranoid, high anxiety, and scared. I call the hospital. Is there they can give him to sleep the hospital is 30 mintues away. They said no, there is nothing to counteract Meth. they suggest call the police when it gets worse. 1:30 am my neice wants us to leave her home, I want to leave, it's scarey and unfair to her. I load him in my car his scared to get into the car claims someone wants to hurt him. Asks why anyone would want to kill him, why do I and his grandmother want him dead. I'm tired i haven't rested much. I call mental health and ask if they can keep him I'm scared for him and for myself his getting worse. They won't take him. His not sleeping again. I go home and try to let him sleep in the car. His to disoriented he's getting severe now. I had to call the police. They come, the police in my town is very educated about drugs and have alot of compassion but do their job. They  talk to him it's 3:00 am.  They can take him to mental health but they know he'll be released, they will drive him but I'll have to come pick him up. They suggest Tylenol PM and food and see if it works, if not call them back. I go to the store, he eats a sandwich & a glass of milk. I give him the tylenol pm. I been around with Meth. a long time I don't anticipate it's going to work. He gets worse it's 4:00 am. I have to call the poice back. They can see his worse. They patiently load him in the police car, he's not handcuffed. God, I need to rest. Mom's sleeping through all these events. 5:30 am his been released from the hospital and mental health they said there is nothing they can do. he wants to be picked up he keeps calling I'm tired can't get up won't be able to drive. I don't want to leave him out in the cold. I tell him wait there til day light. I turn off my cellphone. He calls home phone I refuase to answer. The hospital pays a cab to drive him home. He calls, I answer, he won't give the cab driver our address, why does he want my address he asks. He got dropped off somewhere and walked home. He arrives exteremly confused crying, paranoid and all of the prior mentioned symptoms. We have to call the police again. He hasn't committed a crime they won't take him in. Jail would be the safest place for him right now. They escort him away, they drive him to the bus stop. He as no where to go no one left at all. He doesn't understand why no one wants him around. His a lost sole. I look into his eyes my son is no longer there. That glare, blank, look. Sunked eyes, yellow from the Hep.C. The police adivce him if he returns he will be arrested. I give him $6.00 for the bus. The bus to nowhere. I tell him go 40 miles from here to the Rescue mission to sleep.

By 12 pm he's calling he wants money for a hotel room. I say no. I meet him to give him his food assistance card. I advice him to eat and drink. He can purchase only food with the card. I leave him, he has called compulsively. Soon I will have to disconnect his cell phone.  Mental Health states he is not mentally ill. The DSM states drug and alcohol addiction are mental illnesses but our county does not recognize that. It's a financial decision made by our county supervisors to cut back on expenses so that population will not qualify for medical help, meds. etc.......... it helps the county budget. I'm not anawering the phone. This might be another long night.

{{{{{{{{{{{{bluecrow}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I can't imagine how hard it is to deal w /all of this.  I hope during all of this you find ways to detach and take care of yourself.  You and  your family is in my prayers.

Bob

 

Blue Crow how exhausted you must be emotionally and physically. The worst part is there is no support base for you when things get tough.  You are letting go with love.  I am not going to tell you not to worry because as a mother that is just totally impossible. Pray to your HP to give you the strength again and ask him to guide your son to care.  I wil pray for you both from Australia.  Please keep in touch with us so that we know you are okay.  You are in my heart and I am thinking of you with love.  Leo xx

(((((bluecrow)))))

How awful for both you and your son.  I get very angry when I think of the lack of resources.  A few months ago, my husband agreed to seek help.  Detox kept him for 48 hours and released him.  He told me that he attended one meeting there and only saw a doctor and a therapist his last day there.  He asked for a thirty day program and they said they do not have one for people who can't pay cash up front or have excellent insurance.  medicaid will not even pay for rehab in our area.  Mental Health will not treat substance abuse issues here.  It is frustrating for someone to finally beg for help and reach out, yet that help is denied.

I feel for you and your son.   Pray for strength and guidance for both you and your son.  You will both be in my thoughts and prayers also.

(((((bluecrow)))))))

  I have been following your posts.  I understand the heartache of a mother whose son is suffering from this disease.  My son is an addict/alcoholic.  It is not what I wanted from him nor does he want it for himself.  He is sick.  My heart is breaking for you.  Please try to take care of yourself and get to some meetings.  You need to reach out and get the support you deserve.  There are 2 meetings here each day on line. I would love to chat with you sometimes and give you a cyber hug (((((((bluecrow))))))). I am praying for you and your son.

                                             hugs,

                                            danz

 

((((((((((bluecrow))))))))))

My heart goes out to you.  How exhausting!  I sincerely hope that you can get some rest soon.  One question?  Why can't the police keep him for being under the influence?  At least he would be able to come down safely (not on the streets).  Also my uncle has Hep C and it sounds like your son may be suffering from the disease, being disoriented, insomnia, etc.  Will they see him in the E.R.?  When my uncle gets like that, it's cuz he's filling with toxins due to the liver not functioning.  I don't know, you have probably thought of all of this but thought I would ask anyway.  You are always in my prayers :)

Love Julie

Hello bluecrow,

((((((((((supportive hugs)))))))) I do like how you organize your thoughts and the events. We help each other here by sharing our experiences and you are helping others and yourself right now. Do what you need to for you now and continuing to reach out. Eventually doing the same type of daily summary about You will happen and we will see what you are doing from day to day too :) That is what happened to me. This program is a process and healing takes time. When we change things around us change. That is what I have found. I wish you the best and do keep on posting and sharing here. Things will and do get better.  Your friend in recovery , cdb