This is really hard.  I've been back and forth with my A for over two years now.  The issues run deeper than this disease for me...intimacy and communication were a problem from the start.

We broke up (for the upteenth time) about a week ago, but decided to stay friends (that didn't work) he wanted me to come back to him.  I just can't go back anymore.  We spent an hour on the phone today and he said to me "you don't even care that i'm hurting."  I can't even tell you how much it hurts me to hear that.  I know it's part of the manipulation and wanting to get me back. I asked him to please not call me anymore, but I know it's not going to end there.  I feel guilty because I don't want to hurt him, but I also want to move on with my life. I know I'm not responsible for him, but I sure do feel that way sometimes.

Guess I just need to trust that his HP will take care of him.

Thanks for listening..

Love in recovery

Hi faith

(((faith)))

I am so sorry that you are hurting

I can relate as I left my alcoholic husband of 14 years in May. I have gone through grief, relief, feeling sorry for him, every single emotion in the spectrum.

I am getting a divorce and he wants me back. he is very manipulative of my feelings

Sure I am sometimes lonely and alone.

I am often actually happy and relaxed - something that riding the rollercoaster of loving an alcoholic never provided me. 

(((faith)))

take care of YOU, you matter

Faith,

None of us seem to know how to set boundaries and have mature conversations without hurting each other. I think because we are immature. My husband and I end up yelling at each other which benefits no one. Take of yourself.

In support,

Nancy

Hi Faith,

My heart goes out to you.  I'm at a crossroad right now.  Part of me want to stay with my A and part of me wants out.  I admire you for making the decision and wish that I could finally make a decision.

Froggie

"he said to me "you don't even care that i'm hurting."  I can't even tell you how much it hurts me to hear that.  I know it's part of the manipulation "

((( Faith )))

Yes, that is TOTALLY passive agressive, manipulative, controlling, incorrect on his part & pompous.  I personally get really irritated, sometimes furious instantly when a person, 'tells me, how I FEEL' like how dare someone "know" what is in your heart & mind.  I will tell you what I think & I tell ppl that too.

I would get mad, say "that's ridiculous & your wrong & it really hurts MY feelings that after all this time, you know so little about me" & probably slam the phone down.

Being ACOA, I had sabatoged so many good relationships or through misunderstandings, being emotional & passionate, I'm a pretty extreme person.  I do what I say, I consider myself a 'man of my word' - cuz I am very literal.  I consider me to be a good friend that way,  if I say I will call, even if I don't want to or something happens, I will call to say, "I'm calling 'cause I sd I would but I can't talk, call you later."  If they ask why and I don't want to talk about it, I say, "I can't talk now, maybe I'll tell you later."  If they remember or it was 'important' to me, I will tell them later...  friends. 

hey faith...

you...me....and cyn..came from the same pea pod i think! if you read our stories..they are so similar...you'd think it was the same guy we were dating. i left my "A" 3 months ago...and believe me it was the worst time in my life...and still is. the pain of losing someone you love with all your heart and soul is prob one of thee ardest things your ever gonna do in life.

its an emotional rollercoaster thats like a nightmare. the manipulation...the guilt....etc...

its impossible to distinguish between the person and the addiction. for me..i didnt know what was the truth and what was lies anymore.... i lost the trust. i couldnt face the anxiety every day of wondering what he was doing, where he was going, would he come home? if he did what state would he be in? i convinced myself he "needed me"

i convinced myself he would crumble and fall without me....but he did that all of his own. he survived before me and he will after me. he's currently sitting on his "pity pot"...his "POOR ME" routine...nobody loves me...and now your leaving me too....etc...etc...

making me feel guilty when he was the one that F**Ked up his own life...not ME! not his family not anyone but HIMSELF!!

dont let yourself be manipulated..trust me...it will ease...the situation just seems unreal at the moment coz your living it"!

try and be strong.

rebecca xxx