I have been recently trying to figure out about my entire life, I have been trying to find reasons as to why my life has been so painful inspite of the fact that i have been blessed in many ways such as being alive ,having a daughter and family and friends who care so much about me. I have experienced pain and joys of all sorts and coming to alanon seemed a great break through to me and it is the only place i felt and still feel total freedom from the bondage of my thoughts which seemed have to traumatized me all my life trying to find out why i feel the way i have always felt and also trying to feel others' pain.With all good intentions and honest kindness i have always questioned why do people hurt others and why does it happen. This seems impossible to figure out and the more i try to think of it my HP seems to plainly say to me that the world and my loved ones are in good hands and my desire to want to share my warm heartedness is not realistic i believe we are taken care of in special ways that  are hard to understand and for this reason i feel humbled by the fact that whatever good deed i do to myself or another counts as a blessing and i feel my higher power would delight in me if i can just do what i can at the moment with what he has blessed me with and i have been so hard on myself such that i have neglected myself and my resposibilities whilst am bogged down by thinking thinking thinking which seem not to lead me anywhere except deeper in despair. I am willing to let Go and let God and accept my powerlessness as well as appreciate what i have been blessed with.I am willing to live by this fellowship's principles and keep it simple. and share what i have with honest love as i have received from others who care.

Hello Hopeful , well I don't agree that you are powerless over your life , we  have choices . powerless over others  yes .  Letting God run your life  is a great idea at least he seems to know where were going . hehe.    But God still expects us to do the foot work  to get to where we want to be = so do the footwork and leave the outcome to God.

My life is so simple when i gave everyone I love back their lives to do with what they want  it's just none of my business and I always forgot that the people I loved had a Higher Power too who would take them whre they needed to go. When I can remember that my life is so simple it sometimes gets a little scarry. : )

Good luck  Louise

I have finally met another person who is willing to admit that they are totally consumed by, ruled by, tortured by... their own thoughts!!!

I thought I was bad before Alanon, but boy oh boy, am I ever terrible now!  I am the same as you...I roll things, feelings mostly, around in my head over and over.  Seeking wisdom on them, wondering if they are okay, wondering why despite my blessings I feel so rotten sometimes.

Thankfully most times I am able to just let these things roll.  I try not to consume my day changing the thoughts.  My sponsor told me that feelings are okay, and they roll around in our heads cause they want to be felt.  So, I feel them.  There is no limit on how long we are supposed to feel them, no rules on HOW we are supposed to feel them... or even if we are supposed to take actions.

I finally figured out (just now as I was typing this) that I have to let these things roll around and feel them, or they come out as nasty terrible outbursts to those I love.

I don't know if I helped, but please know that you are not alone with this, and it is normal.  You don't have to get upset with yourself for this

Take care, and be gentle with you.

Aron