I got a private message from a special person today..That person got me thinking...I thought about how all of us have our issues with family,and some of us have it bad,and other have it worse,but we are all here for one reason..because we care about that a...As much as we deny it,and try to shove it under the carpet..that pain is still there... and always will be until we finally say to ourselves that we are powerless over what they do.meaning we can't do anything to stop them from drinking..they have to do that on their own,and they will once they are ready.
I figured that I spent half of my life wanting to change my mom soo bad,but I was pushing aside that fact that she is sick..Alcohol alters a person's mood,and their personality,it is as if they are totally a different person.We come to realize that all they do care about is getting their next drink.
I also realized they begin to drink because they are in pain..either it be depression etc.They thought that if they drank the alcohol their feelings will go away,but soon they figured out that they needed more and more to get the original effect.Just like a drug...People get a tolerance for it,and want more and more,and will do anything to get that drug...
I finally kind of came to terms of my moms drinking.I know it is not right,but I need to stop deproving myself from her.I know she isn't the greatest mom in the whole wide world,but she chose to have me. I found out that she was seconds away from getting an abortion,but my gma found out and stopped her...She was seconds from giving me up,but then she saw me,and wanted me.So I know I have a plan in this world..I just won't know it,and maybe never will.Same as each and every one of us,we were born for a reason. We can't choose our parents unfortuantely...because if we were able to choose everything we wanted..it would be perfect,and face it life isn't perfect,and neither are we.
We have all made mistakes in one point of our lives...But we need to let go of that gulit because hey no one is perfect...We can just brush off ourselves and get back on that horse again...
I am soo gla
toto12 said
Dec 6, 2005
Very wise,I think, Lauren.
Your "abuelita"
toto
Rebecca said
Dec 6, 2005
hey lauren
yea i sometimes wonder why in gods name did my HP send my "A" to me??? why did i have to be the one that got together with a recovering alcoholic and drug addict? why did all my friends pick the "normal" non addictive guys who had steady jobs and happy relationships.... why did i have to be the one dealing with psych wards in hospitals, detox units etc...
where were my "A"'s so called FRIENDS when he was having bad panic attacks and high anxiety and was freaking out in hospital, when i had to drive in the middle of the night to stop hm from doing something stupid.... they never hang around for the bad times..they only say when the drink is flowing, the pills are free and the money is plentiful.
i dont know what my HP is trying to tell me most days... im just getting from dayto day.. hoping to find the answer..
thanks for listening lauren
rebecca xxx
twinmom2 said
Dec 6, 2005
hey Lauren,
You have a lot more compassion for your "a" than I have had. Your post got me thinking too about the "a" obviously drinking as much as he does because he is in pain. His siblings also use either alcohol or marijuana as well. We are not perfect you are right. I have been treating him like I am better than him because I'm not addicted to any substances, but I am obviously addicted to chaos otherwise I wouldn't create so much of it between myself and my "a". Compassion and forgiveness is the only way to allow myself to heal from the disappointment and the pain of living with an "a". Thank you for sharing.
Twinmom~
just me said
Dec 7, 2005
((((((((((Lauren)))))))))))))
So true. You are wise beyond your years. I am trying to learn compassion for all of the A's in my life. My father, Ex husbands, sister's and brother. It is so hard. You inspire me.
I got a private message from a special person today..That person got me thinking...I thought about how all of us have our issues with family,and some of us have it bad,and other have it worse,but we are all here for one reason..because we care about that a...As much as we deny it,and try to shove it under the carpet..that pain is still there... and always will be until we finally say to ourselves that we are powerless over what they do.meaning we can't do anything to stop them from drinking..they have to do that on their own,and they will once they are ready.
I figured that I spent half of my life wanting to change my mom soo bad,but I was pushing aside that fact that she is sick..Alcohol alters a person's mood,and their personality,it is as if they are totally a different person.We come to realize that all they do care about is getting their next drink.
I also realized they begin to drink because they are in pain..either it be depression etc.They thought that if they drank the alcohol their feelings will go away,but soon they figured out that they needed more and more to get the original effect.Just like a drug...People get a tolerance for it,and want more and more,and will do anything to get that drug...
I finally kind of came to terms of my moms drinking.I know it is not right,but I need to stop deproving myself from her.I know she isn't the greatest mom in the whole wide world,but she chose to have me. I found out that she was seconds away from getting an abortion,but my gma found out and stopped her...She was seconds from giving me up,but then she saw me,and wanted me.So I know I have a plan in this world..I just won't know it,and maybe never will.Same as each and every one of us,we were born for a reason. We can't choose our parents unfortuantely...because if we were able to choose everything we wanted..it would be perfect,and face it life isn't perfect,and neither are we.
We have all made mistakes in one point of our lives...But we need to let go of that gulit because hey no one is perfect...We can just brush off ourselves and get back on that horse again...
I am soo gla
Very wise,I think, Lauren.
Your "abuelita"
toto
hey lauren
yea i sometimes wonder why in gods name did my HP send my "A" to me??? why did i have to be the one that got together with a recovering alcoholic and drug addict? why did all my friends pick the "normal" non addictive guys who had steady jobs and happy relationships.... why did i have to be the one dealing with psych wards in hospitals, detox units etc...
where were my "A"'s so called FRIENDS when he was having bad panic attacks and high anxiety and was freaking out in hospital, when i had to drive in the middle of the night to stop hm from doing something stupid.... they never hang around for the bad times..they only say when the drink is flowing, the pills are free and the money is plentiful.
i dont know what my HP is trying to tell me most days... im just getting from dayto day.. hoping to find the answer..
thanks for listening lauren
rebecca xxx
hey Lauren,
You have a lot more compassion for your "a" than I have had. Your post got me thinking too about the "a" obviously drinking as much as he does because he is in pain. His siblings also use either alcohol or marijuana as well. We are not perfect you are right. I have been treating him like I am better than him because I'm not addicted to any substances, but I am obviously addicted to chaos otherwise I wouldn't create so much of it between myself and my "a". Compassion and forgiveness is the only way to allow myself to heal from the disappointment and the pain of living with an "a". Thank you for sharing.
Twinmom~
((((((((((Lauren)))))))))))))
So true. You are wise beyond your years. I am trying to learn compassion for all of the A's in my life. My father, Ex husbands, sister's and brother. It is so hard. You inspire me.
Jul