I am feeling so down today. I miss my big kids. I know that they have made their decision not to return home with me when I returned to my husband and know that they have a right to their own decision. They're 8 and 10, what do they know? Obviously more than me. What is bothering me is that their dad is not allowing me to talk with them on the phone and when I visit I have to stand in his front yard and visit for a few minutes. (They live an hour and a half away) It's a long drive for only a few minutes, but well worth it. He wouldn't even let me take them to MsDonald's last weekend. He claimed it was because his girlfriend had put my son on punishment. My parents live in the same town adn he won't even allow them to go to their house to visit. I think he knows that as soon as I get my hands on them I am going to bring them against their will back home.
I don't feel like putting up a tree or celebrating the holidays without them. I know that is not fair to my two year old, but I am just not in the Holiday spirit. My kids dad hasn't been there for most of their lives. there was four years he didn't see, talk to or contact them in any way. Now he thinks because he doesn't have an addiction and the kids chose to be there he shouold be father of the year. I am very angry that he is questioning my parenting. I am angry that he seems to be doing well with the kids and they have chose him instead of me even though I have always been there for them. He told them I put a man before them by coming home knowing they didn't want to come.
I am so angry, depressed and anxious today. My dad is supposed to try to get the kids for a visit this weekend and I plan on going up and grabbing them. neither of us has ever been to court for custody because he was never interested in being a father. My son has severe mental illness and I am his primary care giver. Legally, no one can stop me from getting them. then once I have them, I am going to officially obtain custody. I have never asked for child support, but will when we go to court. I don't need his money (although i am quite poor) I am just doing it because I can and to be mean!!!!
jrtjosey said
Dec 5, 2005
I know you have been struggling, and I don't blaim you for getting your kids back. Just remember to use good judgement and not be spiteful, even tho you want to. Please be sure to keep the kids out of the middle. My boys were just really hurt last night and I have been divorced for 7 years from there Dad. He called me names and swore at me in front of them. He copnstantly complains about child support, he only pays $400 for 2 kids. I have great kids, active in sports and scouting, $400 doesn't even begin to be half the support and that is ok. It's not about money for me. It's about teaching them to be good people and good fathers some day and last night was a horrible example.
josey
KathyS said
Dec 5, 2005
I can understand why you are having a pity party but that's not going to help or change your situation. Since noone has ever been to court regarding custody if I were you I would file for custody IMMEDIATLY. You don't even need an attorney to do it. Most of the time the paperwork you need to file is downloadable right online. If not than go to your local law library, usually located in the courthouse somewhere and ask them for the packet to file for custody. They will give you all the papers you need to fill out. They are self explanatory. Also ask for an affidavid of indigency (that's what it's called here in Fl) Filling that out and swearing before the clerk of the court when you go to file will waive the filing fee which is usually somewhere around $200. So without an attorney or spending any more than perhaps $10 you can file for custody of your children. At the same time you can file for your child support payments. I would certainly do this before he does it first.
Kim said
Dec 5, 2005
Powerless....
I am so sorry you are going through this. Although she is not my own child, I can sympathize somewhat because of my stepdaughter and the fact that she has been a large part of this household for five years. Last Christmas I spent the two weeks before slaving to redecorate her room as a surprise and now I can't even bring myself to go into her room. I keep the door shut. Although I still see her, it is very different, and recently my family asked her mom if she could come to a family party in PA and she said no. Funny, when I was with her father we went all the time. And he's the A! At any rate I understand men not being much of a father. My A was never the father to her like he was when he was with me. Not to pat myself on the back but Iwas the one who did everything....now he's back to his usual..movie every once and a while....dinner at his sisters. Here she had a room and place for herself. He doesn't even have a place where she can sleep over. But i'm on the outside because I have no legal right to anything. I have to take what I can get.
At any rate, as you saw in my previous posts...Christmas is hard...but I'm trying to make it my own.... TRY and make it special for your two year old and be happy that you have that child at home with you. Not to get on my own pity pot...but I have no children of my own....and CHristmas is largely about the joy it brings to children. TRY. I know it is hard. My prayers are with you.
Kim
Powerless said
Dec 5, 2005
Kim,
Thank you for your post and support. It hit home with me. I am in the middle of redecorating my children's room here at home, but most of the time the doors stay shut and I can't go in there. in fact, except to clean it, my son's door hasn't been open in over a month. I sleep in my daughter's bed a couple of times a week. I tell my husband it's because I can't handle his snoring, but he knows it's because it makes me feel closer to her.
I even bought a bunch of those black fuzzy posters and started coloring them for each of them to hand in their rooms and on their doors. I know when I get them I am going to have to take them so I have to rebuy all of their clothes. I didn't send their TVs, radios or toys to their dads because I knew they would get tore up. When they come home it will only be with the clothes on their back though.
Here I have four bedrooms so each of the kids has their own bedroom. Up there they have a 17yo girl, 10 yo boy, 10 yo girl, 8 yo girl and 7 year old girl in the same bedroom in one set of bunk beds. Dad and his girlfriend have the other bedroom.
Dad had no contact (his choice) for almost four years when he was with his pervious girlfriend. His current girlfriend is a sweetheart and she is the only one in the house that works a part time job and tries to provide for all of them. She gets upset because he doesn't pay any attention to their girls, but babies our son. He even ignores our daughter. He wasn't interested in the kids for the past ten years. She is the one that encouraged him to have a relationship with them. They agreed to help me when I left my husband. They were to keep the kids until I got my own apartment. When I moved back home, he kept the kdis. He found out my son gets an SSI check and he wants that money because he chooses not to work to try and dodge child cupport on another son.
I am feeling so down today. I miss my big kids. I know that they have made their decision not to return home with me when I returned to my husband and know that they have a right to their own decision. They're 8 and 10, what do they know? Obviously more than me. What is bothering me is that their dad is not allowing me to talk with them on the phone and when I visit I have to stand in his front yard and visit for a few minutes. (They live an hour and a half away) It's a long drive for only a few minutes, but well worth it. He wouldn't even let me take them to MsDonald's last weekend. He claimed it was because his girlfriend had put my son on punishment. My parents live in the same town adn he won't even allow them to go to their house to visit. I think he knows that as soon as I get my hands on them I am going to bring them against their will back home.
I don't feel like putting up a tree or celebrating the holidays without them. I know that is not fair to my two year old, but I am just not in the Holiday spirit. My kids dad hasn't been there for most of their lives. there was four years he didn't see, talk to or contact them in any way. Now he thinks because he doesn't have an addiction and the kids chose to be there he shouold be father of the year. I am very angry that he is questioning my parenting. I am angry that he seems to be doing well with the kids and they have chose him instead of me even though I have always been there for them. He told them I put a man before them by coming home knowing they didn't want to come.
I am so angry, depressed and anxious today. My dad is supposed to try to get the kids for a visit this weekend and I plan on going up and grabbing them. neither of us has ever been to court for custody because he was never interested in being a father. My son has severe mental illness and I am his primary care giver. Legally, no one can stop me from getting them. then once I have them, I am going to officially obtain custody. I have never asked for child support, but will when we go to court. I don't need his money (although i am quite poor) I am just doing it because I can and to be mean!!!!
I know you have been struggling, and I don't blaim you for getting your kids back. Just remember to use good judgement and not be spiteful, even tho you want to. Please be sure to keep the kids out of the middle. My boys were just really hurt last night and I have been divorced for 7 years from there Dad. He called me names and swore at me in front of them. He copnstantly complains about child support, he only pays $400 for 2 kids. I have great kids, active in sports and scouting, $400 doesn't even begin to be half the support and that is ok. It's not about money for me. It's about teaching them to be good people and good fathers some day and last night was a horrible example.
josey
Powerless....
I am so sorry you are going through this. Although she is not my own child, I can sympathize somewhat because of my stepdaughter and the fact that she has been a large part of this household for five years. Last Christmas I spent the two weeks before slaving to redecorate her room as a surprise and now I can't even bring myself to go into her room. I keep the door shut. Although I still see her, it is very different, and recently my family asked her mom if she could come to a family party in PA and she said no. Funny, when I was with her father we went all the time. And he's the A! At any rate I understand men not being much of a father. My A was never the father to her like he was when he was with me. Not to pat myself on the back but Iwas the one who did everything....now he's back to his usual..movie every once and a while....dinner at his sisters. Here she had a room and place for herself. He doesn't even have a place where she can sleep over. But i'm on the outside because I have no legal right to anything. I have to take what I can get.
At any rate, as you saw in my previous posts...Christmas is hard...but I'm trying to make it my own.... TRY and make it special for your two year old and be happy that you have that child at home with you. Not to get on my own pity pot...but I have no children of my own....and CHristmas is largely about the joy it brings to children. TRY. I know it is hard. My prayers are with you.
Kim
Kim,
Thank you for your post and support. It hit home with me. I am in the middle of redecorating my children's room here at home, but most of the time the doors stay shut and I can't go in there. in fact, except to clean it, my son's door hasn't been open in over a month. I sleep in my daughter's bed a couple of times a week. I tell my husband it's because I can't handle his snoring, but he knows it's because it makes me feel closer to her.
I even bought a bunch of those black fuzzy posters and started coloring them for each of them to hand in their rooms and on their doors. I know when I get them I am going to have to take them so I have to rebuy all of their clothes. I didn't send their TVs, radios or toys to their dads because I knew they would get tore up. When they come home it will only be with the clothes on their back though.
Here I have four bedrooms so each of the kids has their own bedroom. Up there they have a 17yo girl, 10 yo boy, 10 yo girl, 8 yo girl and 7 year old girl in the same bedroom in one set of bunk beds. Dad and his girlfriend have the other bedroom.
Dad had no contact (his choice) for almost four years when he was with his pervious girlfriend. His current girlfriend is a sweetheart and she is the only one in the house that works a part time job and tries to provide for all of them. She gets upset because he doesn't pay any attention to their girls, but babies our son. He even ignores our daughter. He wasn't interested in the kids for the past ten years. She is the one that encouraged him to have a relationship with them. They agreed to help me when I left my husband. They were to keep the kids until I got my own apartment. When I moved back home, he kept the kdis. He found out my son gets an SSI check and he wants that money because he chooses not to work to try and dodge child cupport on another son.