I just found this site and registered. I had been quite active at local meetings for over 7 years. Then I stopped the meetings, I moved, but still read my books daily. I think it is time to bring it back into my life more and focus on me. I just keep doing too much for others and now need to focus on me. I have been through much of what I have read with you. I was a sponsor for many years. The importance of people you can contact or at least express and talk to, even if it is web, still is good. I hope to share recovery with all. This time the issue is my son who is back from Iraq and got back into the wrong crowd, need I say more. I have remarried and the new hubby has a few small issues, but nothing like what I have dealt with in the past. Again, I wish you all a safe and blessed holiday and hope to talk with you again. Take care!
seashell said
Dec 3, 2005
seashell wrote: I just found this site and registered. I had been quite active at local meetings for over 7 years. Then I stopped the meetings, I moved, but still read my books daily. I think it is time to bring it back into my life more and focus on me. I just keep doing too much for others and now need to focus on me. I have been through much of what I have read with you. I was a sponsor for many years. The importance of people you can contact or at least express and talk to, even if it is web, still is good. I hope to share recovery with all. This time the issue is my son who is back from Iraq and got back into the wrong crowd, need I say more. I have remarried and the new hubby has a few small issues, but nothing like what I have dealt with in the past. Again, I wish you all a safe and blessed holiday and hope to talk with you again. Take care!
As children bring their broken toys With tears for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God Because He was my Friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him In peace to work alone, I hung around and tried to help With ways that were my own. At last I snatched them back and cried, "How could You be so slow?" "My child," He said, "what could I do? You never did let go?" ~Anonymous
notsonew1111 said
Dec 3, 2005
welcome and nice to meet you. i love that poem the first time i read it i cried. hope to talk to you sometime. join us in the chatroom
Karilynn said
Dec 3, 2005
Seashell,
You're new family welcomes you with open arms. I look foward to reading your posts.
Live strong,
Karilynn
nmike said
Dec 3, 2005
Hi seashell,
Such a great name as I watch the snow come down today. Thanks for the poem. It is very gentle. I posted 2 days ago about saying goodbye to my son who deployed to Iraq. This is his 3rd tour of duty. He is 22 years old and a great person. However, we are concerned about him. Since his second tour of duty he has become totally financially irresponsible. It seems to be either an intensity addiction or a spending addiction. He also seems oblivious to the whole thing. Once we figured out what he was doing, we made a decision to help him out financially. We didn't think he would learn any hard lessons as he got ready to go overseas. The last 2 months, he seemed to come unravelled. I wonder if your son is going through something similar?
Welcome back to Alanon.
In support,
Nancy
marmare said
Dec 3, 2005
Welcome Home!
Hugs Mary
Christy said
Dec 3, 2005
Nice to meet ya!!
Christy
seashell said
Dec 3, 2005
Thank you and I will look forward to talking to all of you too!
seashell said
Dec 3, 2005
Nancy,
Yes, my son is financially irresponsible. He has grandparents and an aunt that are total enablers. I cut off contact with them, long story. Bottom line is they have paid his 5 vehicle payments for him for years. He has totaled out most of them. One of them his new Yukon, he lent to a 'friend' for over 7 months and he broke the windows, the radio stolen, the wheels and tires taken, yucky ones on it and just ruined, and he was afraid to go get it. His step dad, said something to the grandma and it was finally taken back. He has some issue with having to buy his friends. On top of that the crowd he is with, some of them were in Iraq with him, they well, let me say it this way, they would benefit from NA and AA. The NA issues are overwhelming, for the lies and manipulation. I took him on a trip to Key west in Nov and he was verbally abusive to me, embarassing with my sister in law and brother in law. He was irrate that I would not buy him everything he wanted and saw. Back to the finances, he was coming over bi weekly saying he needed gas money, for this and that. He messed up and said he wanted $$ for his dog shots and a haircut. The next week it was another haircut, okay the buzz doesn't grow that fast. So, I gave him a coupon for a haircut and $5 for gas. He wanted $40. Then, his dog got in a dogfight and he came over frantic, wanted me to take it to the vet, well, I said she has her shots right? He said no. Well, he forgot, that supposedly the loan for $80 was for the dog. NO, he went out and partied on it and got into things he never should even try.
He was moving out of his apt and on the 31st of Oct, still had not moved furniture, appliances, etc out, and had no truck etc. We used $200 of our vacation money ( my 1st real vacation) for the uhaul and took a day off and helped him move. Again, he was verbally abusive to me.
Well, I went and waited in the uhaul, I did not speak to him.His stuff had no place for storage, so it went to my garage, and I have had to move it around when he never came to get it. So, while on vacation, his cell phone was to his ear, and it was overheard things that were suspected, we were right.
So, he was here, having me watch his dog, and I already have 3 so that was 4. She is a puppy, and well, to me malnurished. We paid for a dog sitter to watch his dog and ours while on vacation. She was well fed when we returned, which also confirmed that it was not being fed enough. He has a breed that demands constant attention and he is constantly giving females and his social life his attention.
So, he came and was begging for more money, now mind you on vacation, he would order the most expensive thing, and just drink, without a care in the world.
I talked to his war friends, they had all come over for a cookout back in August. They said he was quiet over in Iraq. He had just resigned up for 6 more years and he volunteered to go. Now he is trying to get out of the natl guards.
Okay, so he comes around every now and then to pick up some clean clothes that are packed. He just started a new job, that I hope will straighten him out. His father was very abusive to both him and I so I had to remind him that was why we got divorced and I was not going to take it from him.
I have thought all along since he got back, that war messed him up pretty bad, and he refuses to get help. He resents me from the nasty divorce and the crap they filled his head with lies about me. He did say on the trip that "mom isn't as crazy as they say she is". I never was.
I have to share one more thing with you, my new family... When I first joined Al-anon I had such a supportive sponser who now has passed on.. and she was so helpful getting me out of the 'web' they tried to keep me in. Once I got out of their grip, controlling my life, the divorce got nasty, my own mother paid for my ex's lawyer to take my son and all the lies etc...I won't go there, but, what I am saying is when I started Al-anon, I had a price to pay but I have NO regrets and would do it again! It was the best thing I ever did in my life! My new husband has had to go over to their house to get my son's car to work on and he found out exactly what I have been saying and I did not tell him much. He couldn't stand them either. I disowned them in the courtroom for what they did and all their lies.
I think that when their life is on the line, they don't care, for they could get shot and their bill's don't matter anymore, so to them, they keep the I don't care attitude. It must be something that the Govt has brainwashed them mentally so they can face the ugly war and horrid conditions over there. When he came back, he was skinny as a rail. He isn't now. I sent care packages etc. One more, when I was packing his papers, I saw a note he wrote to his friends and it said I have NO family. I just didnt' get it. He has hurt me so bad. I am currently in the Tough Love attitude with him. He has been cut off financially from me. He said he is just waiting for his great grandma to die so he can get his inheritance, which he told me I get $1 since I disowned them, which I don't care, but he is already planning to buy a house etc, and he can't even pay for his own bills, like gas, ins and car, much less food and a house. he comes over and will get in the freezer and take a pizza and leave.
I am telling you, I have put this issue in the back of my mind, but I think honestly, when I say it is not bothering me, it must be, more than I admit.
Back to step 1,and then admit that I am powerless over my son?
Thanks for your time and I think you are right, the war is not a good thing anyway you look at it!
God Bless and I will keep your son in my prayers.
ESH said
Dec 3, 2005
Hi, Seashell... I LOVED the poem you posted... never heard it before. I posted it into my Al-Anon journal and will also e-mail it to my family. So glad to meet you, too, by the way!
seashell said
Dec 4, 2005
One of my early sponsors showed me that and it really helped me focus on me and not doing so much and trying to create an outcome and giving it to god.
I am glad you enjoyed it. Thanks to all for the warm welcome back home!
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my Friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried, "How could You be so slow?"
"My child," He said, "what could I do?
You never did let go?"
~Anonymous
Hi seashell,
Such a great name as I watch the snow come down today. Thanks for the poem. It is very gentle. I posted 2 days ago about saying goodbye to my son who deployed to Iraq. This is his 3rd tour of duty. He is 22 years old and a great person. However, we are concerned about him. Since his second tour of duty he has become totally financially irresponsible. It seems to be either an intensity addiction or a spending addiction. He also seems oblivious to the whole thing. Once we figured out what he was doing, we made a decision to help him out financially. We didn't think he would learn any hard lessons as he got ready to go overseas. The last 2 months, he seemed to come unravelled. I wonder if your son is going through something similar?
Welcome back to Alanon.
In support,
Nancy
Welcome Home!
Hugs Mary
Nancy,
Yes, my son is financially irresponsible. He has grandparents and an aunt that are total enablers. I cut off contact with them, long story. Bottom line is they have paid his 5 vehicle payments for him for years. He has totaled out most of them. One of them his new Yukon, he lent to a 'friend' for over 7 months and he broke the windows, the radio stolen, the wheels and tires taken, yucky ones on it and just ruined, and he was afraid to go get it. His step dad, said something to the grandma and it was finally taken back. He has some issue with having to buy his friends. On top of that the crowd he is with, some of them were in Iraq with him, they well, let me say it this way, they would benefit from NA and AA. The NA issues are overwhelming, for the lies and manipulation. I took him on a trip to Key west in Nov and he was verbally abusive to me, embarassing with my sister in law and brother in law. He was irrate that I would not buy him everything he wanted and saw. Back to the finances, he was coming over bi weekly saying he needed gas money, for this and that. He messed up and said he wanted $$ for his dog shots and a haircut. The next week it was another haircut, okay the buzz doesn't grow that fast. So, I gave him a coupon for a haircut and $5 for gas. He wanted $40. Then, his dog got in a dogfight and he came over frantic, wanted me to take it to the vet, well, I said she has her shots right? He said no. Well, he forgot, that supposedly the loan for $80 was for the dog. NO, he went out and partied on it and got into things he never should even try.
He was moving out of his apt and on the 31st of Oct, still had not moved furniture, appliances, etc out, and had no truck etc. We used $200 of our vacation money ( my 1st real vacation) for the uhaul and took a day off and helped him move. Again, he was verbally abusive to me.
Well, I went and waited in the uhaul, I did not speak to him.His stuff had no place for storage, so it went to my garage, and I have had to move it around when he never came to get it. So, while on vacation, his cell phone was to his ear, and it was overheard things that were suspected, we were right.
So, he was here, having me watch his dog, and I already have 3 so that was 4. She is a puppy, and well, to me malnurished. We paid for a dog sitter to watch his dog and ours while on vacation. She was well fed when we returned, which also confirmed that it was not being fed enough. He has a breed that demands constant attention and he is constantly giving females and his social life his attention.
So, he came and was begging for more money, now mind you on vacation, he would order the most expensive thing, and just drink, without a care in the world.
I talked to his war friends, they had all come over for a cookout back in August. They said he was quiet over in Iraq. He had just resigned up for 6 more years and he volunteered to go. Now he is trying to get out of the natl guards.
Okay, so he comes around every now and then to pick up some clean clothes that are packed. He just started a new job, that I hope will straighten him out. His father was very abusive to both him and I so I had to remind him that was why we got divorced and I was not going to take it from him.
I have thought all along since he got back, that war messed him up pretty bad, and he refuses to get help. He resents me from the nasty divorce and the crap they filled his head with lies about me. He did say on the trip that "mom isn't as crazy as they say she is". I never was.
I have to share one more thing with you, my new family... When I first joined Al-anon I had such a supportive sponser who now has passed on.. and she was so helpful getting me out of the 'web' they tried to keep me in. Once I got out of their grip, controlling my life, the divorce got nasty, my own mother paid for my ex's lawyer to take my son and all the lies etc...I won't go there, but, what I am saying is when I started Al-anon, I had a price to pay but I have NO regrets and would do it again! It was the best thing I ever did in my life! My new husband has had to go over to their house to get my son's car to work on and he found out exactly what I have been saying and I did not tell him much. He couldn't stand them either. I disowned them in the courtroom for what they did and all their lies.
I think that when their life is on the line, they don't care, for they could get shot and their bill's don't matter anymore, so to them, they keep the I don't care attitude. It must be something that the Govt has brainwashed them mentally so they can face the ugly war and horrid conditions over there. When he came back, he was skinny as a rail. He isn't now. I sent care packages etc. One more, when I was packing his papers, I saw a note he wrote to his friends and it said I have NO family. I just didnt' get it. He has hurt me so bad. I am currently in the Tough Love attitude with him. He has been cut off financially from me. He said he is just waiting for his great grandma to die so he can get his inheritance, which he told me I get $1 since I disowned them, which I don't care, but he is already planning to buy a house etc, and he can't even pay for his own bills, like gas, ins and car, much less food and a house. he comes over and will get in the freezer and take a pizza and leave.
I am telling you, I have put this issue in the back of my mind, but I think honestly, when I say it is not bothering me, it must be, more than I admit.
Back to step 1,and then admit that I am powerless over my son?
Thanks for your time and I think you are right, the war is not a good thing anyway you look at it!
God Bless and I will keep your son in my prayers.
One of my early sponsors showed me that and it really helped me focus on me and not doing so much and trying to create an outcome and giving it to god.
I am glad you enjoyed it. Thanks to all for the warm welcome back home!