Holidays are here. They are the toughest...i am usually alone, but for the past few yrs, I have been with Him...all of his family drinks....I am going out of town the Christmas week...we will be with his realtives..they ALL drink ...last yr. there was one person that did not. and of course the kids dont...I am getting prepaired as I can rent a car, I will have my computer, they do not have internet out there. and bringing my own coffee pot. They are not coffee drinkers, I am...so when I want my coffee I need not ask...i will have my Broadband card access for my laptop, they do not hve internet...or if I want to get out of a situation, although I will not know where I am to drive (seems accross the plantet!) at least I can go if I have a car...It is unheard of in his family to stay in a hotel room...I cant speak up...I will get verbally slamed down...I would like to go, but I have this feeling that maybe his family will try and get him to move (accross the planet) because recently 3 more relatives have moved in the same town and area...it is not driveable for me. Train or plane...I am not moving...i have to live my dream and it is not in a small town with nothing around. I like city life..that is me...he is with his friends while I am watching tv alone and would like to see the tree lit tonight with him ....but again I am alone...if I am out I will be falsely accused of something going one with that person. I have been faithful...slowly I am being torn down, my creativity, happy me is going..my spirit is failing, I am sad, alone, angry like i have never felt in my life.....is that maybe because I cannot cry around him? If I do I get blamed for making him feel worse...
Thank you everyone for listening.....
bobump said
Nov 30, 2005
Hope your broadband access card works out there. My coverage in rural area is not so hot.
If it does work w/ a rental car you'll have the ultimate escape tools. :)
Good luck I hope it works out for you. My A was talking on Halloween about what she was drinking on Xmas and NYE. I'm not expecting much fun either of those two.
Bob
cdb said
Dec 1, 2005
Hello alanon,
I hear your pain. You are not alone anymore. You found this board and this site and even though we don't know each other I do care. I care because I have felt how you felt and experienced some of the same feelings. I hated holidays for years at my dysfunctional in-laws place. I use to cry all the way home. It sounds like you are making plans to take care of you even with something as bringing your own coffee maker :) We learn to focus on us in alanon and take care of us. You just reached out here and yes,, people here understand and you are not alone in how you feel. There is so much freedom for us once we work the program and learn how to be better people with or without alcoholics in our lives. I hope you keep on posting and reaching out. your friend in recovery cdb :)
Holidays are here. They are the toughest...i am usually alone, but for the past few yrs, I have been with Him...all of his family drinks....I am going out of town the Christmas week...we will be with his realtives..they ALL drink ...last yr. there was one person that did not. and of course the kids dont...I am getting prepaired as I can rent a car, I will have my computer, they do not have internet out there. and bringing my own coffee pot. They are not coffee drinkers, I am...so when I want my coffee I need not ask...i will have my Broadband card access for my laptop, they do not hve internet...or if I want to get out of a situation, although I will not know where I am to drive (seems accross the plantet!) at least I can go if I have a car...It is unheard of in his family to stay in a hotel room...I cant speak up...I will get verbally slamed down...I would like to go, but I have this feeling that maybe his family will try and get him to move (accross the planet) because recently 3 more relatives have moved in the same town and area...it is not driveable for me. Train or plane...I am not moving...i have to live my dream and it is not in a small town with nothing around. I like city life..that is me...he is with his friends while I am watching tv alone and would like to see the tree lit tonight with him ....but again I am alone...if I am out I will be falsely accused of something going one with that person. I have been faithful...slowly I am being torn down, my creativity, happy me is going..my spirit is failing, I am sad, alone, angry like i have never felt in my life.....is that maybe because I cannot cry around him? If I do I get blamed for making him feel worse...
Thank you everyone for listening.....
Hope your broadband access card works out there. My coverage in rural area is not so hot.
If it does work w/ a rental car you'll have the ultimate escape tools. :)
Good luck I hope it works out for you. My A was talking on Halloween about what she was drinking on Xmas and NYE. I'm not expecting much fun either of those two.
Bob
Hello alanon,
I hear your pain. You are not alone anymore. You found this board and this site and even though we don't know each other I do care. I care because I have felt how you felt and experienced some of the same feelings. I hated holidays for years at my dysfunctional in-laws place. I use to cry all the way home. It sounds like you are making plans to take care of you even with something as bringing your own coffee maker :) We learn to focus on us in alanon and take care of us. You just reached out here and yes,, people here understand and you are not alone in how you feel. There is so much freedom for us once we work the program and learn how to be better people with or without alcoholics in our lives. I hope you keep on posting and reaching out. your friend in recovery cdb :)