so my a had his second meeting with the addictions counsellor, who he will see again dec.20. huh? isnt that a little far away? forgive me but i dont see how this program will help. its an aadac relapse prevention program. but how is reading about it gonna stop another binge? i guess if my a wants to stay sober he will. but its just bothering me that he doesnt have someone to go to when he's feeling weak. it is his choice but arnt sponsors there to help you with that. the cousellor said right now they wont get into meetings and stuff. i guess i just want results NOW. im just taking it one day at a time and hoping for the best. he asked why i couldnt be his sponsor, i said i have my own things to work on, im weak too and i cant say i know what your going through i dont have the same problem. he also said he wants sobriety so bad that he is scared he will fail again and if he does he said i may as well just end my life when im high and drunk because i'll be able to do it for sure then. i reminded him relapses happen but dont think too far ahead, its not the end of the world, hes here for a reason and i love him very much. to which he responded i know im just depressed right now. so this doesnt really put me at ease. so if he does relapse i now have the burden to worry that he may kill himself while under the influence? i just really dont know what to think right now. im focusing on me and not getting too worked up for the future but at the same time praying he will succeed in recovery. im reading lots of alanon lit and aadac stuff that the counsellor gave him. right now we are really happy together. we had a wonderful night together last night, romantic and everything. this is the man i love. i hope he stays for good. ty.

My a is in the same boat. Her addiction therapist tells her, come back in 2 weeks and his booked solid for 4 and she can't get in. She won't do AA because she says she can't relate to any of the people there. Has thrown out anything in the house that was related to AA. She never has or had had a problem. She sees the addiction counselor but tells him she isn't an alcoholic. I see how he works. He is trying to guide her to the realization that she is an alcoholic because telling her won't work. I too am frustrated, and I want results now too. But I see where he is coming from. Plus you know what, it's her therapy not mine. Tho he asked to the last one and the next one, so when they include me, then I have no problem adding my honest input. What are you going to do ? Not much except work on yourself. Bob

I'm just a little further down the line in this process than you 2. I do believe that there are different ways for different people. Not everyone can do AA. It doesn't speak to everyone the same (IMHO) My A has been in counselling for the past 2 years. I do worry about the lack of a safety net (sponser) at times but I have definitely seen progress (not perfection LOL!) On the other hand, if he found an AA/NA group that he could relate to it would be a heck of a lot cheaper than all these copays! for me, Alanon, literature and this board are great therapy. the point is that AA works (for some) and counselling works (for some) and nothing works (for some) Addiction is a rotten disease and I hate it. Wastes our time and $$ and patience! wishing you the best- Jeanne

Hello not , some where in our  literature it says that I don't have the right to choose the method of recovery for anyone but me. bummer  hehe.  Some make it with out help  some don't   time will tell.  Just work your own program and  ( MYOB ) mind your own business.

If he is sober and trying  it sure beats the hell out of drunk !!!  find those meetings we talked about and work on you .  He has a HP too and will take him where he needs to go.  Support his efforts even if you don't agree with the method..  Louise

Hello notsonew,

You have alot of good replies above. For my daughter, she tried to avoid any treatment and went to AA/NA. She tried the 90 meetings in 90 days but couldn't do it. She finally decided she needed help! Getting put in jail was getting to her and she could not stay out of trouble while drunk. She asked us for help, dropped out of school and came home to an outpatient program. She moved away too soon and tried it on her own with some AA meetings. She couldn't stay clean and sober. She finally was awol for a few days and never went back to work. She once again asked us to help her and while waiting to find an inpatient program she went to jail again for disorderly conduct and minor in consumption! That was the time we called the police on her! She went to a 2 month inpatient facility. She got out and went to AA every day. She relapsed again. She then, got a sponsor,,,finally, and started to take this sobriety very serious! She is doing pretty well now. When she started to do better is when we started to get off her back and let her do her program and not ask questions. That part was interesting. She continues to go to AA/NA meetings and says she needs them to stay sober and clean. But, she came to that realization on her own. She is now 21. That is our experience. It would be great if he could do it withtout AA/NA but for my daughter she needed those support groups sometimes twice a day and the phone list too. She just needed to do it her way and we just had to sit back and work on us and let her be. I will be thinking of you  nsn. Good things may be ahead for you but before they come there is alot of struggle along the way,cdb