Recently I had a good online friend email me regarding something someone she didn't know had said to her.  I can understand her feelings, knowing her as I do, and I hope my reply to her will help her some.

This makes me think though of Al-Anon's valuable tools, principles and traditions.  I've learned a lot about myself since being here, I've seen things about me that I would never have thought I was.  I try to be aware now of what I am doing, what I am saying, how I am saying it.  I still am not perfect (gee, imagine that lol), but at least I am getting that awareness and I try to keep humility within me so that I remain teachable.  When I am interacting here on the Board or in the chat room, I sometimes have to read what is said a few times as I sometimes miss a word that can change the whole meaning of a sentence.  And I read the whole post before replying to see where the thought flow is going.  I then reply using my own experience and knowledge (if I have any) on that topic.  I don't say "do this, do that" (unless I'm saying yes get to a meeting! heehee), but what I say is what I have done, what has helped me, and if what I say can help another that is great, if not, then thats okay too.  No recovery or situation is exactly the same as mine, so I am not offended if what I say is of no value to another.  That is the beauty of "take what you like and leave the rest".  If I read something that I simply have no experience with or can relate to, I leave it for others to respond who can relate.  (Again I am still not perfect yet with all the answers *wink*)  Some posts I simply reply to with a hug and a welcome and hang in there, it can get better.  That is Hope.  It was given to me and I can't keep it if I don't share it with others, give it away to others. 

I have shared myself on this site and others have responded.  Some gave me food for thought, some just didn't quite "get" what I was saying.  Regardless, I appreciate all the responses, no matter if they fall into the "take what I like" category or the "leave the rest" category.  For the responses that didn't quite "get" it, I have no need to try and correct them, to make them understand, to debate with them.  I think of that saying "What others think of me is none of my business" and of the slogan "QTIP - Quit Taking It Personally".   If I am applying that saying and slogan, then I should not need to argue or debate with them to get them to "think" differently.  I don't believe that is my job.  I believe my job is to focus on myself and how I am thinking.  I try to remain kind to all.  I work on my own patience and acceptance of others just as they are on this path of recovery and life.  Again, it is not my job to tell anyone else that they are doing this wrong, that they are too slow, that they are _______ (fill in the blank).  My only job is to look at myself in that way.  I'm here to learn how not to be controlling of others, critical of others, impatient of others, judgmental of others and so on.  Only when I myself am perfect can I then do that.  Hmmm.... well don't worry, I'm sure that's not going to happen for a very long time... LOL. 

All I know is... if I'm pointing at you and saying "you're this", I better look back at myself, at my other 3 fingers that are pointing in my direction, cause chances are what I am seeing is more inside me than you, and I better try and get that rafter out of my eye before attempting to diagnose and remove the splinter from yours.

Thanks for listening.

Luv, Kis

Kis great words of advise.

QTIP - isn't used nearly enough in our program.  We do not have to like everyone in the program nor does everyone have to like us.  Just like in real life!

As long as my program is working, it doesn't matter what others say or do.

josey

 

I've recieved a few nasty PM's too..but I refuse to be sucked in to someone elses insanity, just like I won't be sucked in to my A's disease. Christy

funny thing, when david was over for a day cause of the conference, i had said an off hand comment about something like what you have just shared, and he said "you gotta post that sometime."  Seems a good oppurtunity to do so, so here it goes. 

We were talking about gossip and finger pointing kinda stuff inside the program, and it made me think of a hospital.  When you walk into a hospital full of sick and hurting people, you expect to hear so coughing, moaning and growning right?  Well, in a way, alanon is like that hospital, full of sick and hurting people who need help to get better and i'm one of them!  I have to remember that some are sicker then others, some will carry this disease till the day they die infact.  If they are coughing and i dont want to get sick, i'd better back up a bit to keep myself healthy. 

 I cant make anyone healthy, i cant give them a cure or make them use the tools; all i can do is what was done for me.  Hand over the things that helped me and give them the oppurtunity to get themselves better.  I have come to expect some "coughing" in alanon.  After all it's not "well-people-anon" right? It helps me to see them as "sick" and remember where i was when i came in and to be grateful for where i am now, instead of where i would have been or coulda be if i didn't work my program; makes me very grateful in fact. 

Anyway, thought i'd share that little brainstorm with ya, love ya lots, Trina

-- Edited by mastiff at 16:40, 2005-11-30

Thanks for posting (((Kis))).  Good advice for us all to remember.  I especially love QTIP, it has helped me many times to divert my old reactions to the people around me.  And thanks (((Mastiff))) for sharing the hospital analogy....It really illustrates beautifully exactly why we need to remember to keep principals before personalities, and to quite taking it personally when we are among our fellow human beings.....  We gotta expect some coughing ..and maybe even some out and out hacking!.... around here!     

Yours in Recovery....and still flying high!!!!

David

This is alanon.............The Alanon family group are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience , strength , and hope in order to solve their common problems. We beleive alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery & we all know the rest. I come here for one thing, to heal, find comfort, I dont have to like what everyone says or their opinions etc etc,,,, I know I can "Take what I want and leave the rest".  I can also not take things personally.  I also have to remember I have choices,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,gardengal