The last two weeks have been almost unreal - I feel like I've been to hell and back. Two weeks ago, my A came home mid-day drunk and nasty. After I picked my daughter up from school I stayed away figuring he would sleep it off. He called while we were on the way home, still in a very bad place. I called my sister to see if we could go over, but learned she was in labor (and gave birth to my beautiful nephew the next morning). I called his sister and my mother, neither were home. So, I went home. Before I could even step in the house, my A made sure my kids were inside and physically attacked me. He then wouldn't give me our baby when I was trying to leave and get the heck out of there, so I left with the other two and called the police. He ended up arrested and charged with domestic violence.
After getting out of jail he spent a week in a drunken, emotional stupor hiding out at hotels and causing me lots of anxiety and sleepless nights with his telephone calls - although I tried really hard to hang on to what I've been learning through Al-Anon, which did help a lot. Finally, though, he decided to go into rehab and I took him the day before Thanksgiving.
We went to visit him yesterday, and he seems committed to turning himself around. I'm going to f2f meetings, will start seeing a counselor, and we'll see where things take us when he gets out on 12/22.
Had I not started working on myself through Al-Anon, I would never have had the courage to stand up for myself and not accept his unacceptable behavior. And, perhaps he'd wouldn't be in rehab. But, I want to say thank you to all of you for the wisdom that you've shown on this board, as I read all the time and it really helps me. I'll keep coming back!
Maggie
cdb said
Nov 29, 2005
Hello Magpie,
How upsetting for all of you when you came in the door and he took the baby! Hopefully that was his bottom and things will look up now. The thing is treatment is temporary and recovery is when they get home and work their program. There can be relapses too which may help them learn more and last a short time for some. Be prepared for relapses is what the treatment centers my daughter went to told us. IT is a struggle for them. They do have a progressive disease afterall. Hopefully he is doing it for himself. Now is the time you will really need alanon. That is what I found. He will need to focus on him and his AA program to keep recoverying and you too need to focus on your program so you keep recoverying too. IT is great when they finally go :) Just know that the work for everyone is not done when they get out. Wishing you all the best :) keep us posted cdb.
leo said
Nov 29, 2005
Hi Maggie,
Hope you are taking care of yourself and your children whilst he is in re-hab. Make sure you keep yourself and the kids safe as your first priority. Whatever happens with your A we are all here for you. Keep posting. Luv Leo x
WakingUp said
Nov 29, 2005
{{{{{{Maggie}}}}}} This could be the start of a whole new life for you!
canadianguy said
Nov 29, 2005
Way to go Maggie, on every front.... I experienced all the struggles of being married to an alcoholic, but as a man, sometimes I am forgetful about the "physical violence" potential in dealing with A's....
The last two weeks have been almost unreal - I feel like I've been to hell and back. Two weeks ago, my A came home mid-day drunk and nasty. After I picked my daughter up from school I stayed away figuring he would sleep it off. He called while we were on the way home, still in a very bad place. I called my sister to see if we could go over, but learned she was in labor (and gave birth to my beautiful nephew the next morning). I called his sister and my mother, neither were home. So, I went home. Before I could even step in the house, my A made sure my kids were inside and physically attacked me. He then wouldn't give me our baby when I was trying to leave and get the heck out of there, so I left with the other two and called the police. He ended up arrested and charged with domestic violence.
After getting out of jail he spent a week in a drunken, emotional stupor hiding out at hotels and causing me lots of anxiety and sleepless nights with his telephone calls - although I tried really hard to hang on to what I've been learning through Al-Anon, which did help a lot. Finally, though, he decided to go into rehab and I took him the day before Thanksgiving.
We went to visit him yesterday, and he seems committed to turning himself around. I'm going to f2f meetings, will start seeing a counselor, and we'll see where things take us when he gets out on 12/22.
Had I not started working on myself through Al-Anon, I would never have had the courage to stand up for myself and not accept his unacceptable behavior. And, perhaps he'd wouldn't be in rehab. But, I want to say thank you to all of you for the wisdom that you've shown on this board, as I read all the time and it really helps me. I'll keep coming back!
Maggie
Hello Magpie,
How upsetting for all of you when you came in the door and he took the baby! Hopefully that was his bottom and things will look up now. The thing is treatment is temporary and recovery is when they get home and work their program. There can be relapses too which may help them learn more and last a short time for some. Be prepared for relapses is what the treatment centers my daughter went to told us. IT is a struggle for them. They do have a progressive disease afterall. Hopefully he is doing it for himself. Now is the time you will really need alanon. That is what I found. He will need to focus on him and his AA program to keep recoverying and you too need to focus on your program so you keep recoverying too. IT is great when they finally go :) Just know that the work for everyone is not done when they get out. Wishing you all the best :) keep us posted cdb.
Hi Maggie,
Hope you are taking care of yourself and your children whilst he is in re-hab. Make sure you keep yourself and the kids safe as your first priority. Whatever happens with your A we are all here for you. Keep posting. Luv Leo x
Way to go Maggie, on every front.... I experienced all the struggles of being married to an alcoholic, but as a man, sometimes I am forgetful about the "physical violence" potential in dealing with A's....
Sounds like you handled things great!!
Tom