Well, he still comes here as though he's not really gone. He's over early in the morning to take our daughter to the bus stop for school, then comes back to pick up our son for work. When they are done work, he comes back here to the house and does what he's always done before he opted to "move" into the motel room - watches TV, does a few chores, kills time before he goes back to the motel room. He helped out in having my car fixed, paying for a big household expense, perfect guest at Thanksgiving dinner, being ever so nice and helpful to me,still referring to "our bills, our house,our,our,our everything, and generally being a nice guy and is here more often than he is anywhere else. Sounds good,right? Well, after those two huge,smash,bang binges he went on over the last several weeks I told him he needed to make a long term commitment to some sort of recovery program or I'd have to ask him to leave. He went back to motel room he rented and held on to during the binges because he didn't want to go for help (and he knows all about the help programs). I kinda figured he didn't really want to go but he did. Yet he's still sort of here - most of his clothes are still here plus basically everything else. I think that's to keep claim on his territory out of fear that some other man may come into the picture - excuse my language but I think it's called 'pissin' on the fire hydrant'. So tonight, after he left here, I called him at his motel room and thanked him for all the help he's been giving me and we chatted for a few minutes. Then I told him that we could use this time of so-called separation to work on the problems in our relationship but it couldn't happen until he got involved in some sort of program for alcoholism. And if he didn't want to, it was fine. But he got mad. He is so stuck with himself. He contradicts himself in almost every sentence. He said that he hasn't taken his clothes because he had no where to put them in his small motel room. When I asked where had he planned on putting them if he had totally moved, his answer was "okay I'll get my stuff tomorrow." He had even said he left them there in case he might have to change clothes here. When I asked why he'd have to change here, he got mad. He also told me that I could read all the recovery books I want and go on-line but he was going to do what his father and grandfather told him which was "take care of yourself". When I told him that that's what I was telling him,too, and that he wasn't doing what his Dad and grandfather said when he went on those binges. He had no come-back for that. He just does not know what to do or what to say and gets jammed up each time he tries to say something. But he's going to have to **** or get off the pot (toilet).Somehow we ended on a decent note but we'll see what tomorrow brings. It's getting quite interesting actually...jaja
Sherry said
Nov 29, 2005
Hi, Jaja. I am new here. But reading your post felt very familiar. I just got a divorce 111105 and he is still coming around every chance he gets. He calls, sometimes 5 times a day. At night he will call, and I can tell he's drunk. I will ask him if he's been drinking and he lies to me--like I can't tell. It's aggravating. It's humiliating. And it is sad. It is like he lives in a haze. I think you're right, they remain visible enough to try and prevent us from forming any new relationships. They can't let go of us or of the bottle. I have been living apart from him for 10 months, and I definately feel I have created a healthier environment for my little girl. Right now I think it will always be dysfunctional, but not devastatingly so now that I have some distance and control. I don't think I will ever have the energy to start another relationship with anyone else. I have been trying to give my daughter as normal a family structure as possible. I'm here if you ever want to vent.
Well, he still comes here as though he's not really gone. He's over early in the morning to take our daughter to the bus stop for school, then comes back to pick up our son for work. When they are done work, he comes back here to the house and does what he's always done before he opted to "move" into the motel room - watches TV, does a few chores, kills time before he goes back to the motel room. He helped out in having my car fixed, paying for a big household expense, perfect guest at Thanksgiving dinner, being ever so nice and helpful to me,still referring to "our bills, our house,our,our,our everything, and generally being a nice guy and is here more often than he is anywhere else. Sounds good,right? Well, after those two huge,smash,bang binges he went on over the last several weeks I told him he needed to make a long term commitment to some sort of recovery program or I'd have to ask him to leave. He went back to motel room he rented and held on to during the binges because he didn't want to go for help (and he knows all about the help programs). I kinda figured he didn't really want to go but he did. Yet he's still sort of here - most of his clothes are still here plus basically everything else. I think that's to keep claim on his territory out of fear that some other man may come into the picture - excuse my language but I think it's called 'pissin' on the fire hydrant'. So tonight, after he left here, I called him at his motel room and thanked him for all the help he's been giving me and we chatted for a few minutes. Then I told him that we could use this time of so-called separation to work on the problems in our relationship but it couldn't happen until he got involved in some sort of program for alcoholism. And if he didn't want to, it was fine. But he got mad. He is so stuck with himself. He contradicts himself in almost every sentence. He said that he hasn't taken his clothes because he had no where to put them in his small motel room. When I asked where had he planned on putting them if he had totally moved, his answer was "okay I'll get my stuff tomorrow." He had even said he left them there in case he might have to change clothes here. When I asked why he'd have to change here, he got mad. He also told me that I could read all the recovery books I want and go on-line but he was going to do what his father and grandfather told him which was "take care of yourself". When I told him that that's what I was telling him,too, and that he wasn't doing what his Dad and grandfather said when he went on those binges. He had no come-back for that. He just does not know what to do or what to say and gets jammed up each time he tries to say something. But he's going to have to **** or get off the pot (toilet).Somehow we ended on a decent note but we'll see what tomorrow brings. It's getting quite interesting actually...jaja
Hi, Jaja. I am new here. But reading your post felt very familiar. I just got a divorce 111105 and he is still coming around every chance he gets. He calls, sometimes 5 times a day. At night he will call, and I can tell he's drunk. I will ask him if he's been drinking and he lies to me--like I can't tell. It's aggravating. It's humiliating. And it is sad. It is like he lives in a haze. I think you're right, they remain visible enough to try and prevent us from forming any new relationships. They can't let go of us or of the bottle. I have been living apart from him for 10 months, and I definately feel I have created a healthier environment for my little girl. Right now I think it will always be dysfunctional, but not devastatingly so now that I have some distance and control. I don't think I will ever have the energy to start another relationship with anyone else. I have been trying to give my daughter as normal a family structure as possible. I'm here if you ever want to vent.