I've had a rough time this weekend. Up and down. Like a trainwreck to be honest. I went away for thankgiving to my family's home in the Poconos with my two step sisters and my parents. Before I left, my car decided to smoke and overheat (an hour and a half before takeoff) and I had to call my A to borrow his car. It was the last thing I wanted to do. He loaned me his car and I went and met my sister and her boyfriend in the city and drove with them. The rest of the family was there. all of them and single me. My A and I and my stepdaughter spent alot fo time up there. The past three Thanksgivings we were up there with them. The first 18 hours were horrific, every five minutes I was about to burst into tears. By Sat, I was coming around. By the time I left I was feeling stronger. I had to call him about returning the car. I didn't return it that night because I was exhausted but I called him...every time I had to deal with him it was a round of questions on my part.....God, old habits die hard. Why do I continually do this to myself? Why do I take it so personally? Why do I not realize how sick a person he is? He has always had this problem, it is a part of his addiction. I have caught him in other situations but never had actual proof. Why this was so much different than the other times, I can't tell you. Maybe it was the realization that although he claims "he wants to change" I have not seem evidence of it. He knows he's sick, its a "behavior" and that he knows that he's wrong. He knows he lost the best thing....yada yada yada.
Today I was stronger.. We do have unfinshed business with the bills and stuff...i will concentrate on what is my responsibilty and allow him to continue his. Until he pays off the bills they're on him, I can't assume it, it would drown me. Is it terrible that I am not running to the attorney? Is it crazy that I want to wait until after the holidays? Is it crazy that after ALL this I still feel for him?
jaja said
Nov 28, 2005
I don't think you are crazy at all. You have been through a lot with someone you care about. Anger doesn't suddenly make it die. I think that intellectually we know alcoholism is a disease but emotionally it's hard to grasp...jaja
megan said
Nov 29, 2005
Hi Kim (((Kim)))
I too spent the Thanksgiving holiday without my A husband. I was at my brothers where all were couples. But this is my family and I was good with their company. In fact, in 14 years of marriage my husband isolated me and I did not spend the holidays with my family so it is nice to make new memories.
Then my best friend and I went to an alkathon and spent time together, it was nice to spend time with her and I never felt alone.
I have read that it is easier to get rid of AIDS then the alcoholic in our life.
Stay strong, keep the focus on yourself and keep busy
I've had a rough time this weekend. Up and down. Like a trainwreck to be honest. I went away for thankgiving to my family's home in the Poconos with my two step sisters and my parents. Before I left, my car decided to smoke and overheat (an hour and a half before takeoff) and I had to call my A to borrow his car. It was the last thing I wanted to do. He loaned me his car and I went and met my sister and her boyfriend in the city and drove with them. The rest of the family was there. all of them and single me. My A and I and my stepdaughter spent alot fo time up there. The past three Thanksgivings we were up there with them. The first 18 hours were horrific, every five minutes I was about to burst into tears. By Sat, I was coming around. By the time I left I was feeling stronger. I had to call him about returning the car. I didn't return it that night because I was exhausted but I called him...every time I had to deal with him it was a round of questions on my part.....God, old habits die hard. Why do I continually do this to myself? Why do I take it so personally? Why do I not realize how sick a person he is? He has always had this problem, it is a part of his addiction. I have caught him in other situations but never had actual proof. Why this was so much different than the other times, I can't tell you. Maybe it was the realization that although he claims "he wants to change" I have not seem evidence of it. He knows he's sick, its a "behavior" and that he knows that he's wrong. He knows he lost the best thing....yada yada yada.
Today I was stronger.. We do have unfinshed business with the bills and stuff...i will concentrate on what is my responsibilty and allow him to continue his. Until he pays off the bills they're on him, I can't assume it, it would drown me. Is it terrible that I am not running to the attorney? Is it crazy that I want to wait until after the holidays? Is it crazy that after ALL this I still feel for him?
Hi Kim (((Kim)))
I too spent the Thanksgiving holiday without my A husband. I was at my brothers where all were couples. But this is my family and I was good with their company. In fact, in 14 years of marriage my husband isolated me and I did not spend the holidays with my family so it is nice to make new memories.
Then my best friend and I went to an alkathon and spent time together, it was nice to spend time with her and I never felt alone.
I have read that it is easier to get rid of AIDS then the alcoholic in our life.
Stay strong, keep the focus on yourself and keep busy
Megan