today is a hard day for me ,today is the  3 year anniversary of my moms death i am so sad.they say it gets easier but i don't see it yet. my family said maybe i should go for help to deal with it  but i said my feelings are normal if i didn't feel this was  there would be something wrong with me. 

my mom was not only the best mother she was my best friend 

my mom was a wonderful person through & through.everyone who knew her loved her. she would never ever say anything bad about anyone, it was only good. she would give you the shirt off her back & the shoes off her foot, she would always make sure that there was something great  for me & my friends to eat. she even cooked for our dog lol.family was so important to her & i feel that way to.i miss her so much it hurts. i think about her everyday but on her anniversary, birthdays ,holidays it hurts the most. she died on thanksgiving morning nov 28th 2002. we had to push our wedding up the beacuse she was so sick. 2 months after i go married  she passed .she walked  me down the aslie with my dad. i even did a special dance with her we dance to can you feel the love tonight. there wasn't a dry eye in the house. i cry every time i watch the video.      

she died from colon cancer. she never got tested nwver wanted to go to drs. . they found a lump in her gums the cancer spread to her gums the dentist found it . thank god for this dentist

my mom was only here because amanda was making her communion  she & my dad lived in florida. we met with a surgeon and they said she was covered in cancer . my cousin knew the surgeon she worked at his hospital & he told me if it wasn't for my cousin knowing him he would have opened her up & closed her up. but because he knew her he will operate.he operated on my mom for over seven hrs and gave her 2 and a half more years & she was able to walk me down the asile. she was a fighter the cancer destroyed her.it went to the bones the skull all over. i was trying to prepare my brother for the worst it seemed she made pack with god to make my wedding and she would go peacefully. right after my wedding she went down hill.

i told my brother that we should each take a holiday this way she would have her family one for thanksgiving & one for christmas so my brother took thanksgiving & i booked christmas. then i said i am going for both holidays so a week before thanks giving we went my mom pulled me in the room and said you are a very strong person & i need you to keep this family together. she then said she was not going to be here for the holiday & i said mom what are you talking about we  are here to spend thanksgiving with you and i'll be back at christmas i already booked my flight. she said if she could live a normal life she would stay but she cant so she didn't want to be here anymore.i went to the dr & he gave her 6 months to a year & i said see i will be back for christmas . the cancer had spread every where & even her brain my mom could not sit still  she needed help to eat ect... so between me, my brother & my dad we all took turns. she became worse & i would not leave her side  i became her nurse giving her medicine and flushing her iv port the nurse that came to the house told me she was going to teach me because she wanted to spend time with her grandkids nice right i was so pissed. i am not a nurse i am  a teacher. but it was my mom & i did it. my mom called everyone and said goodbye to them & told them that she loved them she spoke to each of us and told us she loved us and said that we needed to let her go.this was the hardest thing i have every had to do .i am crying write now as i am typing to you. the night before thanks giving  she went into a comma and hospice came into the picture. we all stayed around my moms bed listening to her favorite music telling stories it was beautiful. at midnight my brother said mom you made it happy thanksgiving . i slept by her side & told herif she was going to leave , i wasnt going to let her die alone. so thanks giving morning this man bob from hospice who looks like santa comes in and says she will not pass with you in the room. she wont hurt you that way .he said make a phone call & he would stay with her so i left to make a call & she was gone not even 2 minutes had passed. i ran checked for a heart beat nothing i was devistated. she was 63yrs old both her parents died in thier 80"s i felt robbed she died to soon. so today after amanda gets out of school i am going to the cemetery

 i know that i was very lucky to be there in the end and i thank god for that. not many people get a chance to say good bye i was lucky.  

so please for those of you who havent spoken to your parents make ammends beacause when they are gone they are gone & you can't get them back.

please get checked out for a colonoscopy since my mom had it i had to be checked at 35 & thank god i am ok.

life is too precious to waste,

 enjoy it to the fullest

 

i love you & miss you mom

-- Edited by chrissy at 11:52, 2005-11-28

Chrissy, I will address only the opening paragraph of your post. The ways we grieve are so varied. For each of us, grief is a journey that runs the gamut between anger, frustration, sadness, and sometimes even complete collapse. The grieving process is different for each of us, depending upon our relationship with the one who is gone, our genetic make-up which governs our ability to tolerate emotional pain. When I lost my first husband, who was the great love of my life, I grieved for years and years. It seemed as if I would never laugh again, but then, with the passing of time, his life and death took on a different perspective. I was able to put my idyllic life with him in a special place, and remember it with a smile. You'll do that too. It is just a matter of how much time it takes you to assimilate your sadness. And remember...your mom would want you to be happy. Perhaps grief counselors have their place, but overall I believe we handle it just fine, each in our own way. Rejoice in the day Chrissy. You'll have a good one. With love and caring, Diva

Dear Chrissy,

My thoughts and prayers are with you today.  I think that today you can teasure all the wonderful memories of the good times that you shared with your mom.  I was not with my mother when she died, and the day that she had died, she had called me and I was not there.  I am not able to have closure because of that.  Very often when someone is dying they choose the time that they will leave this planet. Your mom was there with you at your wedding, and eventhough she was so sick, you were there for her and that must have made all the difference.  You helped her to go through the good times, and also the difficult times.  You were there to show her your love, and that is a treasure to hold on to.  Your mother is not with you physically, yet she is always with you now, she is your special angel, she watches over you all the time now.  You can speak to her whenever you want to now.  Try not to mourn her death, yet have joy for the life that you shared together.  I think it would have made her happy to know that you are not sad today.  May the HP help you to have a good day, and remember the happy times. "Let Go and Let God/HP"

 

Thank you for your heart felt post.

Moms are so special.

The two most profound things my sponsor told me were:

Feelins are ours, they are neither right, nor wrong, they just are.  Once you feel them, they will find their place.

Birth and Death are the two most special things in life.  Cherish both.

I worked in Long Term Care for 5 years.  In this time, I saw many  many many people go through the death process.  Some slow, and surrounded by family for days, and others quick and alone.

But the first person I actually watched die was my grandfather.  We had several family members present, but my grandpa, like your mom, passed when there was only my grandma, my dad, my brother, and myself in the room.  I feel God gave him the choice, and he chose to do it that way.

I have seen many people die alone.  Some of them I was quite resentful about, cause I thought their familiys should have been there, but through the death of my grandfather (and several others since) I have discovered that is one of the things beyond my control.

It is totally okay to feel blue today.  Don't beat yourself up.  You shared her with me today, therefore keeping her spirit alive for one more day.  bundle up and bring a lawn chair when you go to the cemetery later today.  People might look at you strange, but you aren't going there for them, you are doing it for you. This way you are comfortable enough to stay for a while, have a good cry, and get in touch with your HP through her.

If people think you are greiving the wrong way, let them.  Who are they to judge? 

Take care today.  And thanks again for your story.  I am not close to my birth mother, but I am sure close with my own kids.  When I die, I hope they share the same story of love that you just did.

Aron

Sorry to hear about your mom.

Chrissy,

I am so sorry for your loss, your mom sounds like a great and loving person.

You are right about your feelings, everone feels and heals in their own way. My mother-in-law passed away a year ago in June. I still miss her so much and I think about her alot. I was only able to know the beautiful person that she was for a few years before her body was taken over by her dementia.

Thank you for your post.

Much Love,

thank you guys you are the best i am still in my pjs, i have to get myself together i'll talk to you later

hugs chrissy

((((((((chrissy))))))))) a comforting hug........my mom drank herself to death over guilt of letting her children be so hurt by the offender.........i wish, i could talk to her now, since i have been in recovery......i  asked God to tell her that   "i forgive her....i know she was his victim too...."   i made my peace with it/her..................rosie

(((((((((Chrissy))))))))))))), I know the pain first hand. I lost my Mom and best friend at 19. Diva is right. We each grieve differently, at our pace, and in different ways. This is the stanza of a poem written for my Mom, by a friend of hers. Mom passed away 6 months to the day her mother passed. This poem was given to me by her friend. "Look now into your daughter's eyes. Find there the glad laugh with which her grandmother announced your arrival." Another words, look into Amanda's eyes, and see the joy your mother saw when you were born. She will always be with you, because she's in your heart, and in Amanda's. Love and blessings to you. Live strong, Karilynn

I'd like to share a poem my grandmother kept with her all the time, and which I now carry in my wallet.  Grandma died 2 days after my youngest son was born (he is 15 now, 16 in January).  This poem helps to remind me that grandma is only ever a thought away, that though she is gone, her spirit & memory lives on within those of us who loved her.  And when I too pass away, I'd like for my loved ones too to remember the words of this poem. 

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
  I am not there.  I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
  I am the gentle autumn's rain.
     When you awaken in
     The morning's hush.
  I am the swift uplifting rush
  Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
  Do not stand at my grave and cry;
     I am not there, I did not die.
                                            - Anonymous

hi  guys, i feel a little better now.thanks for your replies . i went to the cemetery with amanda & i emailed all my friends & family & asked if they could share a memory that they had of my mom. so far i have received 6 responces i can't wait to read them & share them with my brother. hugs chrissy

Chrissy, I cried as I read your post. It reminded me of my father's passing at the age of 67. You and your family made it a loving time for her and she passed knowing how loved she was. We should all hope to go with people who love us standing by. Thanks for giving me the memory of my wonderful Dad tonite. It really does get less painful, hang in there. There will always be days that are hard to get through and they really are just days for you to remember her.

(((((chrissy)))))))

 

My heart goes out to you...I was crying reading your post...I have not spoken to my mom in a while...You are right we should all make ammends to those we truly care about because they can be gone in a blink of an eye...It would hurt more to know that my last words were not good ones..or that I never said goodbye...Thanks for your post

Lauren~