Hi everyone I just need to talk. It was not a good week last week. I feel like everything I have work on so far in Al-anon has went down the drain because last week I didn't walk away from my A I let him say things to me that got to me and I yelled back at him. I felt like it was the same before I found Al-anon sad, mad, and frustrated I thank I cried everynight last week. So any ways I started new this week I prayed to my HP and read my books and everyday I got out of bed saying the 3 C's. I feel so good right now I have not felt this good in a long time. See I went to get my eyes check and they said I needed Glasses so he got me Glasses and thats when it all started its like he was mad because he had to pay for me to go get glasses. I tell him all the time I will go get a job but he tells me I have enough to do here. I think he doesn't want me to get a job because he will not be there with me to see what I am doing. I love him so much I don't want to leave him but I was thinking about it last week. Well I really need to go to bed I hope you all have a good night.

                                                                                         THANKS FOR BEING HERE,

                                                                                          ROBYN 

Robyn,

We all slip into old behaviors from time to time.  The great news is that you have been making progress.  Heck the fact that you realized so soon that you didn't want to behave that way is progress.  Regroup and keep coming back and working it.

Keep the focus on you.  If the job is something that you feel and need for yourself then examine why you allow him to keep you from this. 

Bob

I totally agree with Bob on this...if you want a job but choose not to get one because of him, you aren't focusing on you, you're focusing on him and putting his needs first.  Putting other people's needs first is what led many of us to this program, God knows it led me here!  I still have to remind myself to focus on me all the time.

Hello rdp,  your only human, occasionally living with an A is too much for most of us. even with a program.  Making u feel guilty about the glasses is normal   less money to drink.  it is another way to maintain control for him. If you want to work do it for yourself even if it is only part time for now, get out of the house and start getting your life back. he won't like it much  but thats too bad , the longer u stay at home under those conditions the more fearful u will become and getting a job will be out of the question.  do it for you.

Some alcoholics are hostage takers , isolate and control is the thing that works for them , this is disease not the man.  take care of yourself and keep the focus on your needs . lots of meetings  and read July 14th in the ODAT  do what it says and you will begin to feel better.

Try as we may, Robyn, we can all slip back to behaviors we thought we had overcome. Don't be hard on yourself over this; pick up, dust yourself off, and go on. It is easy to say, "If you want a job, go and get one." Yes, that certainly would fall under the category of "focusing" on yourself and your own happiness. But I also understand that there may be ramifications to your decision to get a job, and that perhaps the consequences would not be worth it. Sometimes detaching and taking care of US is not a simple matter. It often doesn't work quite so easily as it should. If we choose to live with our A, it is often necessary to help keep the peace. On the other hand, if you want to go out to work badly enough, give it a try on a part-time basis. A couple days a week to see how it goes. And the glasses...Great that you recognized the problem and got the glasses. The selfishness of you A is apparent, but hey! You can live with that. The health of your eyes is what's important here, so ignore his annoyance. Take care today and make it a good one. With caring, Diva