Hi, I am living with an alcholic...I do not drink or smoke...I am in pain at least once or more times a week when he drinks...tonight I said the wrong thing...i am accused of everything. I cannot cry. It gets worse...it is all my fault, everything is...I am told...I am crying so deep and silently now...i dont know what to do...he is NOT violent....i feel so very alone...the pain in my heart and my life is it worth it?..i pray that I can have strenght to not say the wrong thing. I am told to go do things my self. When our friends have gettogethers I am told to go without him. I go shopping alone. I am alone. He is not, he is with the beer. I never said tonight that he was drunk. But I am accused of hiding something and telling him he was drunk...its like walking on eggs all the time at night. I hate weekends, I hate nights...i have learned to hate. I came from love, creativity, romance...i feel i am worth nothing. I dont have the strenght to fight so i hold it in. I cry silently....

Thank you for listening............................................

-- Edited by alanon_2002 at 21:35, 2005-11-27

((((((((((alanon2002)))))))))))))

Welcome to a place that knows the pain.  Have you been to a face to face meeting?  Hang in there, there are wonderful supportive people here.

Hugs Mary

i know exactly how you feel for im crying tonight as well. i hate weekends, i hate nights. i hate this disease of alcohol. you are not alone. you are in the right place, please keep coming back and join us in the chatroom sometime

Welcome Alanon2002,

You are in the right place.  And you are no longer alone.  Please try to find a local meeting you can attend, you will find people who understand what you are living with and people who can help you to rediscover the hope and love you feel you have lost.  We have been there.

Please call 1-888-425-2666 if you do not know how to find a meeting.  They can help you.

Also please keep coming to this board and we also have online meetings twice a day in the Alanon Meeting/Chat room.  The chat room is open 24/7 please feel free to stop in a talk to someone (See link in upper left of this page).

Yours in Recovery,

David

Welcome home! For some reason the 3x I tried to post but they ended up in .... ? Must be a gremlin in my computer. I completely agree with all the posts. The people here are wise beyond their "young" years. They've been through alot. Your life, any life has value and meaning. Please don't loose yourself in your A's disease. Recovery for you is very possible. It has to be about you. My A husband and I are living apart for now, so that we can each focus on our recoveries. It doesn't mean that we don't love each other. Whether or not he choose sobriety and recovery, you must make the same choice for yours. Read my "Hopeful Thanksgiving" post. You will see that it is possible to be happy again. But I can honestly tell you, that even if he was sober, and I didn't do what I had to in order to take care of me, I'm not sure we'd be okay. Take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. You'll be okay. You just have to be shown how, and given the tools to do so. We're here for you. Live strong, Karilynn

Thank you everyone...i am happy to find people that can understand...thank you.................

A2002,

Have your heard of Alanon's 3C's?   You DID NOT cause it, you CAN NOT control it, and you CAN NOT cure it.  <emphasis mine, not Alanons>.

It's common for those active in the disease to blame us for everything, including drinking.  The behaviors that are manifested from this disease are hurtful and ugly to both the us and the A. 

Keep coming back, keep sharing and read the boards.  Find yourself F2F meetings and attend the online meetings here as well.  You'll find a wealth of what alanon calls experience, strenth and hope.  You'll find those who understand what you are going through, and you'll find love. 

Bob

alanon 2002,

Welcome to this site. You will find that you have a lot of support here because we have all been where you have been. I say don't keep those emotions inside. Cry out loud. Try not take all that the alcoholic says in - it is the disease talking.

In support,

Nancy

 

((((((Alanon))))))))

Welcome to the site. I feel your pain and lonliness. But realize one thing you are never alone.... you have the support of this site and God (or your Higher Power) are always with you. Post, come to meetings, go to face to face meetings in your area, get a sponsor and work the steps. This is the site to locate those meetings:-

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Work on you and what you want to do. Happiness comes from within yourself and doing the thing you want.

Love and God Bless

lildee

Hugs to you.  I know EXACTLY how you feel.  Please don't dispair.  Keep coming here.  Or find some meetings.  I myself have not yet gone to a meeting but I know that at least I can come here and people will know how I feel and lend support.

 

You ARE worth something!!!!  DOn't let anyone tell you or make you feel you are not!!!

Hi, this is regular I am finding out. Today was ok. The pattern. I dont sleep all but an hour, then try to function at work.  During the night trying to find something to watch on tv or to listen to AM talk radio, the sadness and pain I felt while he is asleep (I think passed out)....we talk in the morning before work, I want to work things out, a relationship always needs work...he says for us to go our own way and he says he isnt doing anything but watching tv and drinking beer minding his buisness...and I say something that gets him to not let go when hes drinking....but now, he is willing to work things out. I stress that the drinking is killing my spirit, creativity, happiness, I wake up crying. I want to be held not pushed away and told I am making it worse by crying...so far instead of more than a 12 pk of beer, tonight its lower..yes I am counting...i may be able to sleep tonight...

I am thankful that a higher power has led me to this wonderful website. I happen to be online and did a search for AA meetings with AOL...someone in AA chat sent me this link...thank you if you should read this. ...

I am very tired....goodnight....and blessings to everyone here.

 

wow!The support is really great! Thank you all...I didnt know how many people could understand...last night I went into the chat room. I am sorry to leave early...but "He" was in the room with me suddenly...so i had to go...Much blessings to this forum and the webmaster who created it!

P.s. "He" is in the living room drinking with his friends...I am watching tv....peacefully....

Sometimes I have to go into another room to cry. Last night my heart was beating so fast because I had to hold everything in until I could let it out with no one knowing...I wished that my heart would explode and end my mysery at that time...I feel different now today...I am glad it did not....my adrenaline, I am finding is flowing like crazy...too crazy that I can not feel any physical pain..no, not that I am trying to hurt myself...NOT....but if I pinch myself at that time I will not feel it...I was so very upset last night, we were with friends and he did not have "The quota " to fullfill his drinking needs...I was told not to ask him to go with me again..I am in a relationship and all really I wanted to do was share my world and my friends, who by the way the 2 we were with, are recovering for yrs...and noticed that he was shaking in the morning....it was not a good time...I am better tonight...I am in the chat room and talked with my friends from last night who are also in AA...

Thank you everyone for listening....

***I cry silently