Hello, I am a new member seeking help. I have not attended any Alnon meetings. My husband of six months I THINK is an alcaholic. I am in a very verbal and abusive relationship. When he gets intoxicated he becomes defiant and has no sense of reasoning at all. Never wants to leave a party/social gathering once the drinking has started. He does not come home at least 2 nights out of a week, sleeping at a friends house??? He has to get taxis to his car the next day, b/c he could not drive home. Turns his telephone off and avoids me when he is out with "the guys." He does not know when to say when or not to start drinking at all. I told him today we should separate because i can not deal with anymore sleepless nights, due to the fact he does not come home. I love him so immensly and do not want to see him injure himself or others. I have lost all attraction to him at all, we have only been married for 6 months. I blame myself and I am becoming severly depressed. We went to therapy for 4 weeks and stopped going. I hope to start going alone in the near future. All of our friends see what is going on. I feel helpless. I am so glad i found this site. I feel like this is my first step before attending group meetings. I do not know where to go from here.

Welcome!!! Be gentle with yourself.  Don't blame yourself for anything.  Find a face to face meeting.  Read lots about the disease.  Learn a lot about yourself.  Read the postings here, post often.  The first thing I had to learn was step #1,(my interpretation)  my life had become unmanageable and/or that I am powerless over because of alcohol and/or drug.  Hang in there.

Hugs Mary

hey cbb

 you are not alone. one of thee hardet things to admit and talk about is the fact that there is something soooo wrong with your situation. im 24 and i left my boyf. of a year and a half 3 mths ago... due to his drinking and pill taking. the stage your at now.. is extreme anger, frustration, helplessness, anxious, feeling alone and not wanting to deal with it. wanting everything to be o.k and hoping against hope it will all go away.

i wish life was that easy. i never cried soo many tears in all my 24 yrs of life than i have in the last 3 mths. we are all here for you cbb... dont feel like your alone. no matter what you talk about in here... we can all relate. keep posting.. and start looking after yourself! your number 1 for now cbb.

love rebecca xxx

Hello cbb,

This is cbd :) wondering if we are related :) although the alcoholic in my life is my 21 year old daughter. My spouse though can be verbally abusive. So, I use my alanon skills/tools/program with him too. You are very courageous for reaching out for support. Keep on coming back and going to face to face alanon meetings and things will change for you. WE work on us and take care of us. You have come to the right place. Hope to chat or talk to you here on the message board soon. :) cdb

hello cbb - first thing tomorrow u call this number `1-888-4alanon it is toll free and international they will give u a contact number for the nearest meeting in your area.  Please try a few months inthis program before leaving your marriage, your worth the effort and I am sure your husb is also.  When I suggest this i am a ssuming you are not being physically abused.

there is nothing you can do about him but alot u can do for yourself, this is a disease and it is progressive it only gets worse never better, as you begin to understand a little more of what it is that you are dealing with  your life will become a lot easier.  You are not the reason he drinks and you probably won't be the reason he quits.  regardless of what he says  you are not powerful enough to make him drink or stop.

good luck   Louise

Hi cbb,

Welcome to Alanon and this site! There is help and understanding here. The disease is powerful and cunning. All you have said is normal reactions to the disease. With Alanon tools we learn to take better care of ourselves. Keep coming back.

In support,

Nancy

Hi I know how you feel. My A is my husband to he doesn't hite me but he does make my feel bad and like i don't know nothing when he gets drunk. Oh welcome this is a grate place to be I love this site the people here are very sweet they are here for you when you need them. I just started about 3 months ago here i have been to 1 face 2 face meeting in my town it is hard for me because my A does not want me to go so I had to make something up to go. I think he found out and he took the spare key so I can't go any were at night. Well I just wanted to welcome you to this site it helps me a lot.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

 

                                                                                                        ROBYN

Welcome to the site, glad you found us. No one here will tell you what to do with regards to your marriage. They will only share what has happened in their lives. (That is what ESH -Experience, strength, & Hope is.) Just be assured of one thing we call it the 3 C's I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. His drinking is totally out of your hands. You need to get to meetings for the support that we all need. There are meetings twice a day on this site. There are also face to face meetings (f2f). I am putting a link to the Alanon website where you can look for meetings in your area. Go you are worth it !

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

 

Love & God Bless

lildee

Hi CBB I came here in September this is my second family now and I share more with the people on this board than with anyone else in my life. Remember a problem shared is a problem halved. Let it all out we are here for you.  Keep your chin up.  Luv Leo x

Thank you to everyone that has replied to my message. I can not tell you how much everyone's support has helped already. This is only the beginning, although i can see the light.