this morning i had a plan set out for today, to get things organized around here and watch some movies with my a. later he would watch the big football game. he said a couple of weeks ago an old friend of his that he cut off from his life, his parents invited my a over to watch the game. they are too alcoholics. but just last week my a made the desicion to stop drinking so he told me he wasnt going with the parents. today the mom calls and told him to come over and watch the game with her and her husband. what does my a do? he gets up and of course is going. even after he promised to spend the day with me. i got so angry. i screamed at him which of course sent him out the house to go to his moms house. so now i will not see him today. im upset with myself because i just kept yelling at him just because he wanted to go watch the game. i called him names and made him feel guilty. telling him he'll fail and will drink tonight yada yada yada. so i totally let myself slip. i expressed my anger in horrible ways. i see i was trying to make him as mad as i am right now. so what did that do? just made him choose to leave the house for the entire day, instead of only for a few hours. why do i do this? i just cant seem to bite my toungue. when im upset i have to let it all out and i just dont stop. it was probably good he left so i could cool down. how come i cant just accept he wants to go watch the football game? im very controlling and wish i wasnt. i really need to get rid of this. for im not helping the situation at all when i act this way. what am i really angry about here? 1- he's allowing these people with drug and drinking problems back into his life therefore the  cycle may start again, causing all hell to break lose. which ive made the desicion to not stay if it all starts again. and 2- he is choosing to spend our day off together with other people and leaving all the housework for me to do on my one day off. yes im angry. i just need to learn how to express it properly and not blame all of this on him when really it is just my insecurities. any replies would be greatly appreciated. thanks for letting me vent.

Hmmmmmm,  well now that u feel really bad *hugs*  Boy  we sure do't need any enemies do we ?  Perhaps an apology when he is sober enough to hear it would make u feel better, it's ok to let him know that u were dissapointed that he didn't stay and spend the day with you. but it was not ok to talk to him the way u did.    so apologize 

 And then let it go.

Hello notsonew,

(((((((((((Hugs)))))))) Hope you had a good nap. Glad we got to talk today. I will be thinking of you and hoping you get some good feedback here. One breath or one minute at a time nsn. Take care of you and focus on you. Keep coming back. (((((healing,supportive hugs)))))) cdb :)