I have barely been home a day and when my mom and dad picked me up at the bus station my mom was drunk! Tonight my mom and dad are drunk and my grandfather is drinking heavily and the situation of him getting back to the hotel may be hellish like last year, which resulted in me balling in my aunt's arms because it got to be so bad.My mom is drinking heavily, so is my dad, and my grandfather is drinking too. How do you not let the drinking make you want to SCREAM(either in general or at the drinkers) and B**** (at the drinkers or to friends that know about my home life) and/or run away(as in leave the house and come back later just to get away regardless of the time: like last night at 11pm I almost left)? How do you not let the tension get to you? I'm home on my Thanksgiving break and all the little things and the fact that my parents' and my grandfather are drinking are getting to me. I don't know how to stay calm. I haven't flipped out......yet. I would love some ES&H right now. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Lanchas

lanchas,

Sometimes you just don't go home. I know what you mean about the tension in the house. When I came home from college, you could feel the tension between my mom and dad but no one would talk about what was going on.

Go to a meeting, come  to the board, detach through good boundaries. I was told that sometimes your family of origin isn't a safe place. Sometimes you need to find a new spiritual family.

In support,

Nancy

(((Lanchas))))

The only thing you can do is to keep reminding yourself that there is nothing you can do about it and it is not about you. You can however leave the room, take a walk (don't run away) or maybe go into another room and watch a movie you can enjoy.

If you feel like you are going to explode, leave the room, (not in a huff, but quietly) and count to ten. The holidays can be very stressful when we are surrounded by A's. Put your Alanon skills to use. Say the Serenity prayer, often, remind yourself of the 3c's and just get through the day. Making a scene or saying anything to them, will only cause pain for you.

Try and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

                                 Love Jeannie

hi lanchas

When i was your age I was told that if I was miserable around my family I was ALLOWED not to go home and be miserable.

I stayed away for 2 years until my mother came and looked me up where I was going to college and we reconciled.

YOU MATTER.

Please take care of yourself.

In support and recovery

Megan

Lanchas,

I once created a "healing bag" for myself. It was a beautiful cloth bag that I filled with things that were soothing and helped me care for myself. A good lotion, favorite tape or DVD, phone numbers of Alanon members, etc. could serve as a visual reminder that YOU are important and help you take care of yourself and sooth yourself during stressful times.

BlueCloud

Hi Lanchas maybe you can have a backup plan for yourself that is your boundary ie. if you are coming home from college and everyone is actively drinking you are going to go to ....'s place for your break.  Just remember that is what it should be.  You have all the stress of your studying and it is important for you to have quality, relaxing time out.  It is hard enough dealing with one A let alone 3.  Keep posting we are here for you.  Luv Leo x

A month ago I had to go to my grandmothers funeral.  She was the only sober one in the family.  I ended up guiding my grandfather safely to the floor one night cause he was too drunk to walk into the house.  My uncle was AWOL, my aunt was freaking cause nobody was sober enough to meet the pastor at 11:00 am, my mother (who abandoned me when I was a baby)was refusing to come to the funeral cause it wasn't convenient.....yadda yadda

Thank God I have Al-anon.  There are many resources I can use in a situation like this.  I have a sponsor, I have this message board, I have literature, I have my HP... I pulled out all the resources I had.

Thankfully, I was peaceful through the entire thing.  My grandpa ended up going to the funeral of his own wife drunk, and with a nasty black eye, and too many scrapes and bruises on his head to mention.  My mother did show up, but with so much "baggage" (not luggage...lol), and I was fine.  I asked my HP to help me be the person He wanted me to be, and for help not letting this room full of craziness make me crazy too.

THis program is amazing.  the more you work the steps, traditions and slogans, the more they become automatic in chaotic situations. At first I found it quite overwhelming to learn all the tools, but practice breeds perfection....lots and lots and lots of practice.

Keep me posted on how your weekend pans out.  I know you can do it, just keep coming here!

Aron

 

Aloha Lanchas!!

How great to have such support and notice that you are never alone while you are in the Alanon Family Groups.  In my early days of recovery I was told to take suggestions and take, "What I liked and leave the rest."   Well all suggestions were better than I was doing and I figured that if these suggestions were working for other members who were in the program for the same reason as I was then I'd be better off using some of their stuff and not the stuff that wasn't working for me.   Here it is years later and I am still doing the same thing plus giving away what was so lovingly given to me.

 

One thing of many things given to me that worked wonders from the start was page 19 of the ODAT (One Day At A Time in Alanon) book.  Get yours and read that page and then meditate on the information.

Another most important suggestion was just, "Keep coming back."   They loved me and taught me to love myself.

Yours in love and service.

Thanks for replying everyone. I survived the holidays. I left the room when I felt like I would explode and one time when I left I was shaking slightly because I was so mad. The first time I just took 10 deep breaths when I left. The other times I repeated th 3 C's too myself or just stayed away until I could calm down.

Lanchas