Hello Group,

Yesterday evening was such a yucky time for me. My two toddlers have been undergoing treatment for TB for the last five months.  One child appeared with swollen lymph nodes November 2004, we have been dealing with this for a year this month.  His twin brother developed swollen lymph nodes after the first one did.  Up until five months ago we had no idea what was wrong with our child.  My "a" tried to be optimistic and supportive, but nothing really helped the worry inside me.  The lymph nodes abscessed and burst on each child.  One of the nodes were drained on the first one who had symptoms.  No one thought to test for TB until we finally made it to an Infectious Disease doctor.  Another barrier was having no insurance, in fact as soon as I took the kids off my policy at work to help make the monthly bills my son's swollen lymph nodes appearred.  I was SOL We were even refused medical treatment at two hospitals, but HP lead us to a church that covered a surgeon's bill to drain and biopsy the lymph node.  They apparantly checked for cancer, lymphoma, and leukemia I was told it was all negative. 

Yesterday their I.D. doctor said that my one son who has had this for a year now, his treatment is not progressing as well as it should.  Another lymph node very small appeared on his neck area.  So she wants to run more tests. HIV, Leukemia, Lymphoma, and whatever else.  She said because my DH has a history of leukemia in his family it is likely my kids could be showing symptoms.  She said she may even have to do genetic mapping of the twins genes because apparently twins can genetically have the same cells. 

My heart is breaking for them.  I just want this to be over.  My mom says God only gives us as much as we can handle.  I don't know if I can handle much more... my kids are my heart and soul and carrying them back and forth to labs and doctors has been tough.  I found some relief knowing or thinking it was TB, but now I feel like we're starting all over again.  Today's ODAT stated to let go of yesterday's stuff and only focus on today.  I believe my kids lives have a purpose and a destiny.  I know HP is in control, but this does not make me feel any better.

Terrible heartbreaking things happen to people, and sometime there really is no good reason.  I'm reaching out to my HP in hopes for confidence and comfort.  HP has carried me this far, I don't think he would let me fall when my kids need me the most.  My "a" has a good attitude about it.  He doesn't want to worry until we have results from the test.  I'm a worrier and an analyzer, if I wasn't I probably wouldn't be so controlling and nagging.  Today is just one of those days that are emotional and bleary.  One difference from a year ago, is I'm using program tools to get me through this.  I didn't have that before and it consumed me. 

So today is bleary and emotional I'll give myself that, tomorrow is for family and fun and enjoyment.  Thanks for listening and have a Happy Thanksgiving All.

Twinmom~

{{hugs}}

((((twimmom)))) my heart goes out to you and your little ones. It is so stressful to have sick kids not to mention worrying about how to pay for their care. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Jeanne

(((twinmom))))

I wish there was something I could say to make things easier for you. I know what you mean about your kids being your heart and soul, and when they are hurting, the heart just breaks.

All I can say is to kiss them hold onto them tight and keep praying. Never underestimate the power of prayer. God can perform miracles.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, hang onto hope and enjoy your family.

                                                   Love jeannie

                                                                      

My heart goes out to you in this trying time. Nothing...NOTHING is more important to a mother than the well-being of her child, and I know this is terribly hard for you to bear. Your little ones and you will constantly be in my prayers and positive thoughts. Please keep us informed of the twins' progress. I use the word "progress" in the most positive way to indicate their progress toward quick and complete recovery. Diva

Twin mom...

My heart totally goes out to you...I felt your pain just by reading about your children..I can't imagine how hard that must  be...Yes God doesn't give us things we cannot handle..and everything happens for a reason...You are very courageous..and your faith is still burining like a pillar of fire...God blesses those who are in pain...I will keep you and your family in my prayers.I know that when your kids hurt,you to hurt as well.Continue to pray...God is miraculous..and can heal people.Hold those children in your arms..and just love them...

Yes your kids do have a plan...and a destiny..every child does from the moment of conception..and the time they were in the womb.God will use them as instruments...Yes you have program now..and people here that care about you...Don't give up...

Lauren~

((((((((Shaun)))))))), Hugs to you and your twins. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. I truly believe that we are never given more than we can handle. We just don't know it at the time. Keep us posted. Try and stay positive, as that is half the battle. May you be extra thankful for your twins, and they for you. Love and blessings. Live strong, Karilynn

I shall keep you and your boys in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

Stay Strong