hi my name is Lil. I am new to the boards. I am not new to Al-anon though. I have gone to meetings since 1996. I stopped going about 3 1/2 years ago because it got alittle too gossipy for me. My husband was active in AA at the time and we split up for about 5 months and there was alot of talk in my meetings that he was messing around with this young single mom in his groups. To this day I still don't know the truth (it has truly lost it's importance-which is huge because it really consumed me.) Anyways, I keep telling myself that I have to go to meetings in other areas, I just have to make the time- with work it's not always easy. My husband was sober for over 6 yrs in meetings all the time. He has alot of unresolved anger towards his dad and towards the world in general. He is a very angry guy who blows up(verbally) easily. That is why we split up a few years ago. He basically just stopped drinking his attitude has always sucked! When he was in program he was alittle less angry. He started drinking abouth 26 months ago. It started with 2 beers a night now its like almost 15 a night . He works and functions well where as years ago he was basically a bum. We been married 13 yrs no kids. I am constantly walking on eggs, everything pisses him off. He argues with everyone. His few friends are people he hung around with prior to AA who he did not talk to at all when he was sober. I am so frustrated coming home to a drunk every and I mean every night. He tells me it's not my business and that I nag him. He hangs out all day in bars watching football, drunk to the point where he is falling down, after working a 14 hour shift I pick him up. The next day if he is not too sick still we go to pick up his car nearby the bar. I am bored lonely and confused I love him but I also love myself. I have been so down, I am not eating right cry at work in the bathroom and feel depressed and empty. I am glad that I found this board. I think I will look for a meeting this afternoon since I am off. I need to know that I am not alone. It is tough enough dealing with family on Thanksgiving. We are going to his family they are even more judgy than my family. Very supportive of me, they are sick of his shit too. I just feel very cornered when they ask if he drinks "like this" all the time, and ask a million questions. They (his own flock) can't understand why I stay, my family is just as bad though it isn't as awkward when they inquire. Thanks.
sg said
Nov 23, 2005
(((lilana))) First..welcome!!!! I'm glad you found us.
And, no, you aren't alone. My A. use to be strong in AA w/years of sobriety under his belt. He was so patient and slow to anger when I met him. After he dropped his meetings, then sponsor, then friends in the Program, he changed. He was hard to be around. Very negative, very angry. We walked on egg shells all the time around him.
Then he started drinking a few years ago that lasted a few years. At first, he was easier to live w/when he had a few beers. He seemed to be happier. But the disease progressed to the point of him being rude, obnoxious and eventually being very hurtful.
I too became lonely, frustrated and cried often. I lived a life seperate from him w/the kids (living in same home) while he did what he had to do.
The negativity and anger is hard for me to deal with. I am usually an upbeat, positive person. I like to laugh and enjoy life and there were times that I felt the life literally being sucked out of me.
My A. is going into treatment next week (out patient) and the decision has been made (by me) that we will not live in the same house for 6-12 months. I want my life back and I want him to get his back. It is out of our hands...it is in His hands now. His will, not ours.
Don't ever feel alone! Many of us have been there..are still there.
nycbt said
Nov 23, 2005
Welcome to MIP. I am living with an active alcholic and it is very hard to deal with. He is very vebral abuse when he is drunk or high. I have a hard time at times. However with the program and a sponosr I have gotten much stronger which is cool. It took a year but I have been shown that I am growing. I started with my sponsor only a month ago and I can see the different. Try and go to the Alanon groups. It will be good and u will hear other people talking about how they handled a situation. Try and make friends online and off which is good. I call the people when I need help or someone to talk to. Get a support group that will help u that is what I have down and it has helped.
nmike said
Nov 23, 2005
liliana,
Welcome to the boards! I am sure that you will help us just by posting here. My A is a dry drunk and flys off the handle all the time. He says that he kept his mouth shut all these years and now he is going to let me have it. Whew! I say the serenity prayer. And it really is nobody's business who we marry and why we stay married. We love alcoholics and all this goes with the territory.
Keep coming back. You are important here.
In support,
Nancy
twinmom2 said
Nov 23, 2005
((((Liliana))))
Glad you found this message board it is truly a blessing to be able to express yourself with people who care and can relate. I can definitely relate to how you are feeling and your situation. My "a" has gone through periods of sobriety and being in program, the longest was for 6 months. His "friends" always get to him, and he throws sobriety away to drink and smoke pot with them. They are all "wanna be" rockstars and believe they are accomplishing some grand masterpiece of music playing their instruments and getting smashed at the same time. My "a" has an extremely short fuse. I personally believe he knows he is not giving his life any attention. He knows he drinks too much and it has affected his life. He settles for dead end jobs to make a paycheck. Any extra money he has, he blows on beer, cigarettes and pot. I believe I am a reminder to him of everything he hates about himself. You are not alone, we are not the only people on the planet going through these emotions and fears. When I devote time daily to program and post here, I feel like I have a better understanding of the disease and myself. Keeping my hands off his life is not easy. I feel I mess up everyday and say something that offends him. I'm getting better, so much of the arguments start due to his perception of what he "thinks" I am saying. He listens to unspoken language more than spoken language. He watches my every gesture, my body language, my tone of voice. If I'm not pleasant like Suzie frickin Homemaker, I't on!! Hang in there, I have started busying myself with little projects around the house that keeps me out of hair. He's more pleasant with me when we see each other in passing. Keep posting.
Take care
Twinmom~
leo said
Nov 24, 2005
Hi Liliana,
So nice to meet you here. I hope that you will find as much love and support as I have since I joined a few months ago. This board has so many caring people on it. Always here for you to chat to if you feel down. Luv Leo xx
notsonew1111 said
Nov 25, 2005
welcome to alanon (((hugs))))) just to let you know there is a meeting online here everyday twice a day check out the main page. chatroom is always open and someone is always there so come join the fun. glad you found us. your definatly not alone.
hi my name is Lil. I am new to the boards. I am not new to Al-anon though. I have gone to meetings since 1996. I stopped going about 3 1/2 years ago because it got alittle too gossipy for me. My husband was active in AA at the time and we split up for about 5 months and there was alot of talk in my meetings that he was messing around with this young single mom in his groups. To this day I still don't know the truth (it has truly lost it's importance-which is huge because it really consumed me.) Anyways, I keep telling myself that I have to go to meetings in other areas, I just have to make the time- with work it's not always easy. My husband was sober for over 6 yrs in meetings all the time. He has alot of unresolved anger towards his dad and towards the world in general. He is a very angry guy who blows up(verbally) easily. That is why we split up a few years ago. He basically just stopped drinking his attitude has always sucked! When he was in program he was alittle less angry. He started drinking abouth 26 months ago. It started with 2 beers a night now its like almost 15 a night . He works and functions well where as years ago he was basically a bum. We been married 13 yrs no kids. I am constantly walking on eggs, everything pisses him off. He argues with everyone. His few friends are people he hung around with prior to AA who he did not talk to at all when he was sober. I am so frustrated coming home to a drunk every and I mean every night. He tells me it's not my business and that I nag him. He hangs out all day in bars watching football, drunk to the point where he is falling down, after working a 14 hour shift I pick him up. The next day if he is not too sick still we go to pick up his car nearby the bar. I am bored lonely and confused I love him but I also love myself. I have been so down, I am not eating right cry at work in the bathroom and feel depressed and empty. I am glad that I found this board. I think I will look for a meeting this afternoon since I am off. I need to know that I am not alone. It is tough enough dealing with family on Thanksgiving. We are going to his family they are even more judgy than my family. Very supportive of me, they are sick of his shit too. I just feel very cornered when they ask if he drinks "like this" all the time, and ask a million questions. They (his own flock) can't understand why I stay, my family is just as bad though it isn't as awkward when they inquire. Thanks.
liliana,
Welcome to the boards! I am sure that you will help us just by posting here. My A is a dry drunk and flys off the handle all the time. He says that he kept his mouth shut all these years and now he is going to let me have it. Whew! I say the serenity prayer. And it really is nobody's business who we marry and why we stay married. We love alcoholics and all this goes with the territory.
Keep coming back. You are important here.
In support,
Nancy
((((Liliana))))
Glad you found this message board it is truly a blessing to be able to express yourself with people who care and can relate. I can definitely relate to how you are feeling and your situation. My "a" has gone through periods of sobriety and being in program, the longest was for 6 months. His "friends" always get to him, and he throws sobriety away to drink and smoke pot with them. They are all "wanna be" rockstars and believe they are accomplishing some grand masterpiece of music playing their instruments and getting smashed at the same time.
My "a" has an extremely short fuse. I personally believe he knows he is not giving his life any attention. He knows he drinks too much and it has affected his life. He settles for dead end jobs to make a paycheck. Any extra money he has, he blows on beer, cigarettes and pot. I believe I am a reminder to him of everything he hates about himself. You are not alone, we are not the only people on the planet going through these emotions and fears. When I devote time daily to program and post here, I feel like I have a better understanding of the disease and myself. Keeping my hands off his life is not easy. I feel I mess up everyday and say something that offends him. I'm getting better, so much of the arguments start due to his perception of what he "thinks" I am saying. He listens to unspoken language more than spoken language. He watches my every gesture, my body language, my tone of voice. If I'm not pleasant like Suzie frickin Homemaker, I't on!! Hang in there, I have started busying myself with little projects around the house that keeps me out of hair. He's more pleasant with me when we see each other in passing. Keep posting.
Take care
Twinmom~
Hi Liliana,
So nice to meet you here. I hope that you will find as much love and support as I have since I joined a few months ago. This board has so many caring people on it. Always here for you to chat to if you feel down. Luv Leo xx