I feel like my h has no clue about anything sometimes!!
he just irked me to no end this am
He came home yesterday from his "program" and fell asleep. Didn't wake up for dinner or to say hello to anyone. but as we are going to sleep he decides to wake up and rile the kids up and ask for sex. Then he proceeds to go in the kitchen and ask for dinner and makes a whole bunch of noise. Whatever!!!
This week the kids don't have to get up for school, but because he has to go to program, he wakes me up to make his lunch and again "can we have sex?" He wakes them up after I get them to lay down again and plays with them. I told him we'll see u at 3 pm!! He says "so?" and then tells me that it is not fair for me to be doing this to him(withholding sex). Good Lord please help me
How could I be doing this to him??????????? It's so annoying to be around him and I feel irritated all the time. It is not like he is in this program because he wants help-he is being gforced to go. And I can almost guarantee that the minute he leaves program tomorrow he will be getting high because they have Thanksgiving break. i am so fed up with this crap
Just venting
captcodee said
Nov 22, 2005
I find that even though I may be blue/pissed off/angry/sad... if I talk to my husband about it he usually receives it pretty good. The only criteria I use when I talk to him is this...
Use "I Feel _______________ when ____________, and I need____________"
I will write it out first, and make sure that I don't have "you" in there anywhere. As soon as I say "you" in a conversation about something that is wrong, my husband gets defensive, and usually doesn't respond well. Here are some feelings you can use to start:
Words have many powerful meanings. When you avoid mentioning anybody but yourself, it is received very well. Practice with a friend, see how powerful this can be. Let me know how it goes.
Aron
-- Edited by captcodee at 13:31, 2005-11-22
-- Edited by captcodee at 13:32, 2005-11-22
abbyal said
Nov 22, 2005
hello annoyed , So hubby is sober and dosen't understand why things aren't going well? thats normal most think that if they are sobe We should be ok. Unfortuantley that is usually not the case. Anger and past resentments keep us from enjoying the few days of sobriety we do have. I wasted alot of time "punishing " him for his past behavior which didn't do either of us anygood. I am so grateful I got to this program before sobriety took hold , resentments had been talked out at meetings and sponsor so I no longer felt the need to punish.
I understand your not wanting to get intimate with your husb being vulnerable is not something I did well, but decided that why should I punish myself by withdrawing from sex. When u keep the focus on yourself and work your own program intamcy is a gift.
Forced or not you never know when he is going to hear what he needs to hear at a AA meeting someone asked me If I was prepared for sobriety. What are u going to do if he does stay sober this time? I had never thought of that. hehe Sobriety is tough for everyone and the A is not the only one who has to change we all do. An alcoholic can not go home to an old idea "attitude" and stay sober. I was the old idea. ticked me off but I understood that I too had to change. Work your program keep the focus on yourself . AND DON'T M ISS THE GOOD DAYS
AA rooms are open all weekend they never quit. if he is serious he will find somemeetings. good luck Louise
Dolphin123 said
Nov 22, 2005
Browneyes,
LOL, they don't get it, Hmmmmmmmmm if they have to ask for sex, that should be the first clue.
Well anyway, they don't get. They really don't understand thier own needs let alone ours.
My "A" is being forced into treatment as well, but the start was delayed, so he is using as much as he can. It is frustrating, but you have found a safe place to vent.
Hi guys
I feel like my h has no clue about anything sometimes!!
he just irked me to no end this am
He came home yesterday from his "program" and fell asleep. Didn't wake up for dinner or to say hello to anyone. but as we are going to sleep he decides to wake up and rile the kids up and ask for sex. Then he proceeds to go in the kitchen and ask for dinner and makes a whole bunch of noise. Whatever!!!
This week the kids don't have to get up for school, but because he has to go to program, he wakes me up to make his lunch and again "can we have sex?" He wakes them up after I get them to lay down again and plays with them. I told him we'll see u at 3 pm!! He says "so?" and then tells me that it is not fair for me to be doing this to him(withholding sex). Good Lord please help me
How could I be doing this to him??????????? It's so annoying to be around him and I feel irritated all the time. It is not like he is in this program because he wants help-he is being gforced to go. And I can almost guarantee that the minute he leaves program tomorrow he will be getting high because they have Thanksgiving break. i am so fed up with this crap
Just venting
I find that even though I may be blue/pissed off/angry/sad... if I talk to my husband about it he usually receives it pretty good. The only criteria I use when I talk to him is this...
Use "I Feel _______________ when ____________, and I need____________"
I will write it out first, and make sure that I don't have "you" in there anywhere. As soon as I say "you" in a conversation about something that is wrong, my husband gets defensive, and usually doesn't respond well. Here are some feelings you can use to start:
Sad, gloomy, annoyed, irritated, mad, afraid, anxious, troubled, lonely, alone, lost, forlorn, defensive, suspicious, cynical, uneasy, nervous, worried, hesitant, concerned, OR
content, pleased, glad, joyful, happy, blissfull, estatic, jovial, cheery, lucky, fortunate, eager, thrilled, energized...
Words have many powerful meanings. When you avoid mentioning anybody but yourself, it is received very well. Practice with a friend, see how powerful this can be. Let me know how it goes.
-- Edited by captcodee at 13:31, 2005-11-22
-- Edited by captcodee at 13:32, 2005-11-22
hello annoyed , So hubby is sober and dosen't understand why things aren't going well? thats normal most think that if they are sobe We should be ok. Unfortuantley that is usually not the case. Anger and past resentments keep us from enjoying the few days of sobriety we do have. I wasted alot of time "punishing " him for his past behavior which didn't do either of us anygood. I am so grateful I got to this program before sobriety took hold , resentments had been talked out at meetings and sponsor so I no longer felt the need to punish.
I understand your not wanting to get intimate with your husb being vulnerable is not something I did well, but decided that why should I punish myself by withdrawing from sex. When u keep the focus on yourself and work your own program intamcy is a gift.
Forced or not you never know when he is going to hear what he needs to hear at a AA meeting someone asked me If I was prepared for sobriety. What are u going to do if he does stay sober this time? I had never thought of that. hehe Sobriety is tough for everyone and the A is not the only one who has to change we all do. An alcoholic can not go home to an old idea "attitude" and stay sober. I was the old idea. ticked me off but I understood that I too had to change. Work your program keep the focus on yourself . AND DON'T M ISS THE GOOD DAYS
AA rooms are open all weekend they never quit. if he is serious he will find somemeetings. good luck Louise
Browneyes,
LOL, they don't get it, Hmmmmmmmmm if they have to ask for sex, that should be the first clue.
Well anyway, they don't get. They really don't understand thier own needs let alone ours.
My "A" is being forced into treatment as well, but the start was delayed, so he is using as much as he can. It is frustrating, but you have found a safe place to vent.
Much Love and understanding,