OK. Phone call this morning at 7:00 am....pre-coffee experience.  Not a good time for me to focus appropriately and detach. I am not the most pleasant person in the morning. It is my stepdaughter's mother on the phone. My A was supposed to see my stepdaughter today and she spoke with him last night and he told her he was at the hospital. Her mother was concerned that this was another "cock and bull story" and was calling me to check.  When I spoke to him the other night he said he was having a lot of pain in his stomach and that it had been going on for a few days. I suggested he go to the doctor to have himself checked out, as he hasn't exactly been kind to his system in these past few months. He called yesterday for our doctors' number. I assumed he was making an appointment.  He had told my stepdaughter  last nigth when she called him that he was at the emergency room and to call him in the morning to see if he was admitted. I called this morning to see what the heck was going on.  He stated that he had been in the emeregecy room for 6 hours and couldn't take it anymore so he left. The doctors had told him that he had an elevated white count and that it could be anything from an ulcer to pancreatitis. I was outraged that he left the hospital with this information.  He said that the hospital said he could come back if the pain continued, or see his doctor on Monday. Why was I so outraged? Well, of course  1) because I hadn't had my coffee yet and couldn't exactly think straight. 2) because I was upset that he hadn't called me to say he was at the hospital, I've detached, I'm not heartless and 3) that he always puts these kinds of things off and I'm concerned this time that it really may be something serious. So of course I yelled at him saying that he needs to go back to the hospital. Not my place, not my control I know. I have residual issues with illness as I was the sole caretaker of a mother who died of ovarian cancer when I was 27.   She was sick for 4 years and illness kind of gets my caretaking going......I am supposed to go into NYC with some friends tonight (and hour and a half away) and now I am debating going.  I'm worried that he may have to go into the hospital and I won't be reachable. Am I getting a little out of control here guys?

Kim, I understand your concern over your husband's health problems. Of course you aren't heartless. However, he's an adult and has choices to make. He's living in a sober house. Presumably (perhaps I'm wrong) that the house has staff that can take him to the hospital if need be. I'm confused why he left the hospital. Did the doctor's said that they couldn't do anything for him? Or did he just get fed up and left? If it's the latter, why? Granted I'm not thinking like an addict. If it were me, I would go to the city. The health issue will be there when you get back. You can't feel guilty about living your life. It's not like you're leaving him in a condition in which he has no access to care if he needs be. You're dumping by the side of a country road! There are ways of getting help if he needs it - 911. Continue to do what you need to do. Be healthy. It's about not loosing yourself in his disease. That's how we got sick in the first place. This may sound cold. But recovery for everyone is a selfish thing. It doesn't mean that you're heartless. Live strong, Karilynn

Ditto on what Karilynn said.

You have a good time if you decide to go.

Love Julie

Yep....  Kim, I really hope you choose to go to NYC tonight with your friends....

The facts are - he is not living there, and he is not taking care of himself.....  Not exactly a surprise there, by any standard....  You are caretaking, even by phoning him, and then getting into "controlling" by telling him what he should or shouldn't do..... This does NOT sound like a life threatening situation, so why not just let him live and/or suffer through it?  It honestly sounds like a lot of alcoholic bs to me, chaos creating, 6hrs in Emerg, etc., etc....

We often rationalize that we reach out, and go back to our enabling, or controlling, or whatever ways - cuz we have "compassion".....  To some extent, there is some truth to it, but good for you in reaching out and getting a sanity check here - the stuff this am IS going beyond compassion, in my opinion...

Take care, and enjoy NYC....

Tom

 

Have a good time and go.   He went to the hosptial the first time with out you and he can again.  Why waste your time worrying about him.  He didn't want to waste his time in the hospital last night.  GO and have fun.

NIKKILOU

Kim,

I think what everyone else said was great. I hope you do something for you tonight, no matter what you decide to do.

Much Love,

My A husband had his kidney removed Tues Aug 9th. I told him I would put off the two week mother/son WDW vacation I had booked. He said no - he wanted to recover w/us out of the house. That wk our son & I were there every day until Fri when we said goodbye. He was released from the hosp the next day.

Go - have fun. Your husband is old enough to take care of himself.