Today is his payday. He is getting his normal paycheck, plus a commission check. He told me a few days ago he would bring them to me after he got paid becasuse he can't trust himself with money right now. Well he hasn't been by. He was suppose to get my dad's truck detailed today, because he has been driving it around since his truck is broken down and he is to return it tonight--he smokes and my folks don't so he was supposed to take it to clean it--this would require my credit card, well he hasn't been by to get it. I called his cell phone it rang twice then went to a busy signal. Then I called back and it went straight to voice mail. Now all I can think is he is out messing up. I know there is nothing I can do about it. I know this is a disease!!!! He was clean for 3 days and I was not wanting this--I know this is just what it is--why, why, why??
I went to my first f2f meeting last night. It was o.k. There was only 3 other people there, but at least others were there. They meet once a week, I intend on going more.
I know it's what I need. I know I need to think about me,why is that so hard? At this moment I am just thinking about him and I'm scared!!!!!
Dawn
canadianguy said
Nov 18, 2005
Way to go Dawn.... feel good about the fact that you DID get to your first f2f meeting last night, and here's hoping there will be more.....
It's really hard to make that step, of changing the focus of our attentions from our A's, to ourselves.... But you are on track.... It starts with you understanding the need to do so..... Then it moves to you "doing it, despite your desire not to" - the proverbial 'fake it till you make it'..... Then, you will find it coming more natural to you....
I used to use the "weather analogy", when I was still fighting with myself over whether or not I had influence or control over my wife's drinking.... I asked myself "how much influence or control do I have over the weather?".... The obvious answer is none..... The reality is, I had about the equal amount of influence over either one of them..... What I CAN do, of course, is prepare myself for the weather - be it with a raincoat, or suntan lotion, or whatever..... Similarly, our own programs of recovery are our "tools" for protecting ourselves against the crud of alcoholism....
Today is his payday. He is getting his normal paycheck, plus a commission check. He told me a few days ago he would bring them to me after he got paid becasuse he can't trust himself with money right now. Well he hasn't been by. He was suppose to get my dad's truck detailed today, because he has been driving it around since his truck is broken down and he is to return it tonight--he smokes and my folks don't so he was supposed to take it to clean it--this would require my credit card, well he hasn't been by to get it. I called his cell phone it rang twice then went to a busy signal. Then I called back and it went straight to voice mail. Now all I can think is he is out messing up. I know there is nothing I can do about it. I know this is a disease!!!! He was clean for 3 days and I was not wanting this--I know this is just what it is--why, why, why??
I went to my first f2f meeting last night. It was o.k. There was only 3 other people there, but at least others were there. They meet once a week, I intend on going more.
I know it's what I need. I know I need to think about me,why is that so hard? At this moment I am just thinking about him and I'm scared!!!!!
Dawn
Way to go Dawn.... feel good about the fact that you DID get to your first f2f meeting last night, and here's hoping there will be more.....
It's really hard to make that step, of changing the focus of our attentions from our A's, to ourselves.... But you are on track.... It starts with you understanding the need to do so..... Then it moves to you "doing it, despite your desire not to" - the proverbial 'fake it till you make it'..... Then, you will find it coming more natural to you....
I used to use the "weather analogy", when I was still fighting with myself over whether or not I had influence or control over my wife's drinking.... I asked myself "how much influence or control do I have over the weather?".... The obvious answer is none..... The reality is, I had about the equal amount of influence over either one of them..... What I CAN do, of course, is prepare myself for the weather - be it with a raincoat, or suntan lotion, or whatever..... Similarly, our own programs of recovery are our "tools" for protecting ourselves against the crud of alcoholism....
Good stuff
Tom