Hi, I am new here.  I really don't know where to begin.  I believe my husband has a drinking problem but he refuses to acknowledge it.  Back when we were just friends he used to drink excessively and pass out everytime we went out.  It was a running joke to draw on him, etc.  I didn't think anything of it as we were all partying together back then.  Once we got involved in a relationship he stopped drinking for me.  Once we were married he had the occasional drink on the weekend like most normal people.  We have recently had some life changes (career change, moving) and he is up to about 5 beers a night.  And at least a 12 pack on a weekend.  He blames it on stress.  Does that sound like an alcoholic?

He doesn't think he needs help.  It is affecting our lives.  I have called home while he is babysitting after our toddler is in bed and he is passed out so he doesn't hear the phone.  Last weekend after his work party he was so incredibly drunk he was crying and threatening suicide because I was upset with him.  We got through that.... he went dry for about 4 days.

Then last night he had about 5 beers in three hours.  I discovered it today.  I asked him about it and he said it was a stressful day and that it stops now.  He promised YET AGAIN to stop drinking.

I guess I am just wondering what to do next?  I have started to read a little about the steps and I am a bit lost.  Any advice?

 

I would like to welcome you to MIP. People will not give you advice but they will give there experiences. You are in the right place. COme and share you will get responses. You welcome to chat in the chat room. They have meetings mon-friday morning 9am and 9pm. Other people will give you more information.

Welcome to our MIP (Miracles in Progress) family ((((((Amy)))))).  Glad you are here.  As Ny said, we don't give advice, we share our own experiences, what has helped us.  About the only "advice" I do give is, get to as many meetings as you can and listen, read the free pamphlets and when you can get some books, ask questions.  When I came to Al-Anon I had no idea what "alcoholism" really meant, what it was.  I have learned so much here about that.  I've also learned how it is a family disease, how it affected me, and what I could do about my part in it, how I can be okay and happy again.  I am so thankful I came here and learned how not to be the miserable unhappy person I was.  I thought that would never change until he quit drinking.  Not true.  He still drinks, but I am okay now.  That is the beauty of this program.  That we can learn how to have serenity whether they are still drinking or not.  Can't tell you everything I know in one simple post...it's taken me a few years to get this far and I still have "work" on myself to do.  I can tell you though, if you keep coming back and work the program, you'll get there too.  Yes, it can be confusing at first, but take your time, and you'll start to see how it can help.  Once again, glad you are here, welcome!!

Luv, Kis

Hi Chilley.... first of all, welcome - you have come to a good place here....

Yes, the behaviors you are describing pretty much describe an alcoholic, to a "T"...  I would encourage you to read all you can (Getting Them Sober, volume one, by Toby Rice Drews is a great start), and get yourself to Al-Anon...

At Al-Anon, and at boards like this one, you will find people who have experienced similar things to what you are currently going through.....  The key thing is that you can't control or stop his drinking, no matter how hard you try.....  The second key thing is that although you can quite easily see the damage that his alcoholism is doing to him, you may not be able to see the damage it is doing to you... This is where Al-Anon, and a program of recovery for YOU takes place....  In effect, you need to get yourself healthy, so that you can make the right decisions for you going forward...

I would encourage you to continue to reach out - to continue to learn....  There are lots of good people out here, with loads of experiences, good and bad...

Take care

Tom

Hi and Welcome,

You've found a great place here at MIP to start your recovery from the effects of a loved ones drinking.  The question really isn't if he is or isn't an alcoholic.  The question is has his drinking negatively affected you and is it making your life unmanageable?  If so then you can definately benefit from the tools of this program.

I posted a message on here a week or so ago titled Welcome to our new members.  It shared about this program and suggested ways to get started gathering those tools that will help you.  If you wanted you could read that post, because it has everything in it that I'd like to say to you here. (just too lazy to retype it all LOL)

Anways, again welcome and please continue to share and read as much as you can.  You won't be sorry you did.

Hello chilley,

Welcome :) You have come to a place where you are no longer alone. My daughter is the alcoholic/drugaddict in my life. I see you have had some good suggestions above. Keep reaching here and posting and do go to face to face alanon meetings. It works if we work it :) cdb

Hi Chilley,

Welcome.

If your husbands drinking is affecting you then you are in the right place.

It sounds like Alcoholic behavior, but it really doesn't matter. He has to be the one to decide to stop. Wether he does or not, you can read, attend meetings, and so things to take care of yourself.

Here you will find a lot of compassionate people who have been in your shoes and understand your feelings.

Keep coming back.

                                     Love Jeannie

Chilley, Welcome home! This is a great place to be. You will find strength, wisdom, hope, experience and silliness (good for the heart). Ditto what all the previous posts have said. Remember the 3Cs: You didn't CAUSE IT. You can't CHANGE IT. You can't CONTROL IT. That's very important. My husband is what I call a "functioning alcoholic". He went to work, and was great at it. Never touched a drop at work or even if he was with clients at dinner, etc. But after his marriage failed (his previous one) the drinking got worse. There are alot of functioning alcoholics around. I'm pretty sure I work with at least 10 in my place. But regardless of whether he is or is not an alcohlic, it's affecting you. like Jeannie said. You might want to read Lois Remembers, and the AA book (the chapter on wives, and families). Go to the AA website to read the "Blue Book" on-line. The fact that you are here, is a good sign for you. Remember that he might have a disease. Alcoholism is a disease. It manifests itself in behavior, so it just not psychological. But you must not let his disease take over your life. You must not loose yourself in his disease. That's called co-dependency. I know that this is incredibly overwhelming. Don't be scared. We are here to help you, and guide you. You might want to check our on-line meetings. Or go to a face to face (f2f) meeting in your area. It'll help you gain some insight into this disease. Good luck. Keep coming back to us. Live strong, Karilynn