I'm sitting in the room with my a, he just came home from a several day business trip. He left the room, I thought I could smell it on him but I just wasn't sure. I walked to his drink, took a sniff and was still unsure. You ask, HOW? I still deny it sometimes. I took a swig, it was nearly straight vodka with a splash of gatorade.
I wrote last night about my anger, it just flared up again so quickly - it only took an instant. But I sat back down, picked up my computer and thought I would come visit you!!!
Does this mean I am working toward the detachment thing that I was (and still am) so confused about? I have no idea if this is a step or not. I'm angry at him beyond belief right now and want to ask him about it but I know it will just turn into another arguement. I'm so tired of fighting. Maybe I'm not detached, maybe I'm just tired.
sally
Karilynn said
Nov 16, 2005
SallyB,
The fact that you didn't throw it out, is a step in the right direction. You'll get in down to a science. Just be patient with yourself. Give it time. Recovery is a slow progress. It's about taking baby steps.
Hang in there. You're doing fine.
Live strong,
Karilynn
bobump said
Nov 16, 2005
I think that not getting angry, or at least catching yourself getting angry and not acting on it is a step towards it. Your not letting that anger run and ruin your evening.
By coming here you chose to do something positive about for yourself instead of getting dragged into it.
This disease wants you to lash out. To feed it with negative energy and to validate the a's terrible feelings. You chose not to buy into it.
Bob
Jeannie said
Nov 16, 2005
(((sally)))
By coming here and venting, instead of confronting him, you took a very positive step.
Detatchment takes time (Lots of time). To me sometimes I think it would be easier to climb a mountain.
All you can do is keep taking care of you.
Love Jeannie
BlueCloud said
Nov 16, 2005
Sallyb,
Great step towards detachment!
One of the ways to think about detachment that helps me, is to think about it as watching a very, predictable movie. When we're not practicing detachment, we climb right onto the movie set, and join in LOL. We become an actor in the movie, playing a role that is probably all too familiar (we might even think, "haven't I been in this movie before?" LOL). Detachment is when we realize that's whats happening and me make a choice not to join the movie. We may note that the movie has started to play, but we remove ourselves and do not get involved. For example, tonight you could have joined the movie by getting into a big argument with your A. Instead, you saw the movie from a distance, did not get involved, and moved on to your own thing. That's a step towards detachment! Part of seeing, really seeing the movie is to really see the disease for what it is a disease. This allows you to see what the a is doing as just his movie--i.e. doing what he does, drinking, etc. and not something personal directed towards you.
Baby steps, baby steps! You're doing great!!
BlueCloud
leo said
Nov 17, 2005
Hi Sally,
Don't be so hard on yourself you are doing great. We have all been down the track of smelling the drinks, looking for the bottles and tipping the alcohol out. I finally got tired of looking for the alcohol. My A' s drinking was getting heavier (I too had got to the point I couldn't tell whether he was drunk or sober). The end result was he hit rock bottom by driving whilst drunk and lost his licence. Keep remembering the 3c's you will not believe how strong you will become in a few months time. Luv Leo xx
marmare said
Nov 17, 2005
I found that the detachment comes from detaching with love from the disease. You are on your way.....when you stop wondering if he is or if he isn't, the anger will go away or not be so intense. It's such a learned behavior and habit it takes time, remember your a work in progress.
Hugs Mary
nycbt said
Nov 18, 2005
My husband was sober for about 6 months and then in august he went back to doing his stuff. I also checked his drink and then question him. The first time he got away with it but the next time we were at a place where they had dancing and a bar he was ordering drinks mine and his, his came first and then they is how he got busted.
I'm sitting in the room with my a, he just came home from a several day business trip. He left the room, I thought I could smell it on him but I just wasn't sure. I walked to his drink, took a sniff and was still unsure. You ask, HOW? I still deny it sometimes. I took a swig, it was nearly straight vodka with a splash of gatorade.
I wrote last night about my anger, it just flared up again so quickly - it only took an instant. But I sat back down, picked up my computer and thought I would come visit you!!!
Does this mean I am working toward the detachment thing that I was (and still am) so confused about? I have no idea if this is a step or not. I'm angry at him beyond belief right now and want to ask him about it but I know it will just turn into another arguement. I'm so tired of fighting. Maybe I'm not detached, maybe I'm just tired.
sally
I think that not getting angry, or at least catching yourself getting angry and not acting on it is a step towards it. Your not letting that anger run and ruin your evening.
By coming here you chose to do something positive about for yourself instead of getting dragged into it.
This disease wants you to lash out. To feed it with negative energy and to validate the a's terrible feelings. You chose not to buy into it.
Bob
(((sally)))
By coming here and venting, instead of confronting him, you took a very positive step.
Detatchment takes time (Lots of time). To me sometimes I think it would be easier to climb a mountain.
All you can do is keep taking care of you.
Love Jeannie
Sallyb,
Great step towards detachment!
One of the ways to think about detachment that helps me, is to think about it as watching a very, predictable movie. When we're not practicing detachment, we climb right onto the movie set, and join in LOL. We become an actor in the movie, playing a role that is probably all too familiar (we might even think, "haven't I been in this movie before?" LOL). Detachment is when we realize that's whats happening and me make a choice not to join the movie. We may note that the movie has started to play, but we remove ourselves and do not get involved. For example, tonight you could have joined the movie by getting into a big argument with your A. Instead, you saw the movie from a distance, did not get involved, and moved on to your own thing. That's a step towards detachment! Part of seeing, really seeing the movie is to really see the disease for what it is a disease. This allows you to see what the a is doing as just his movie--i.e. doing what he does, drinking, etc. and not something personal directed towards you.
Baby steps, baby steps! You're doing great!!
BlueCloud
Hi Sally,
Don't be so hard on yourself you are doing great. We have all been down the track of smelling the drinks, looking for the bottles and tipping the alcohol out. I finally got tired of looking for the alcohol. My A' s drinking was getting heavier (I too had got to the point I couldn't tell whether he was drunk or sober). The end result was he hit rock bottom by driving whilst drunk and lost his licence. Keep remembering the 3c's you will not believe how strong you will become in a few months time. Luv Leo xx
I found that the detachment comes from detaching with love from the disease. You are on your way.....when you stop wondering if he is or if he isn't, the anger will go away or not be so intense. It's such a learned behavior and habit it takes time, remember your a work in progress.
Hugs Mary