I wake up most days now ANGRY. How do I let go of this Anger? I find myself taking it out on everyone except my alcoholic husband. He I try ignoring. Well not really - its eating me up inside. But Im exploding at my son, exploding at work.
BlueCloud said
Nov 16, 2005
Barbara,
Your post struck a cord with me. It made me think two things: if you're waking up angry every day perhaps you've given your power away. If you're letting the anger come out at the wrong person/wrong time, perhaps despite the fact that you're waking up angry every day, you're not really honoring and admitting how angry you are.
I used to feel pressure to just "get over" or move on from my anger, as fast as I could. I don't like being angry it's unpleasant and it often ties me in knots for days. Sometimes, I would just feel like a big, giant, churning hela monster LOL, spewing anger every were. Ironically, even though I though steam was coming from my head and my anger seemed to so clear--i.e. can't everyone SEE how angry I am, I find I don't really get a handle on my anger until I say to myself, outloud (or in a journal) "Boy, I really feel angry about X or Y or Z". (That's the first step. If you're interested, there's a longer set of journal exercises that I often do from a book called _Anger: Taming the Beast_, which is hands-down the best self-help book I've ever read. It really teaches you how to get a handle on your anger and it does so in a way that consistently leaves me feeling at peace, centered, etc and ready to tackle the hardest part, which is problem-solving).
If I can really tune into the anger and acknowledge EXACTLY What's making me angry (without taking it out on myself by stewing or taking it out on others by spewing), it often guides me and lets me konw where I need to protect myself and set boundaries. I often find that even though at first I believe I'm angry at someone, more often than not, I'm angry at myself for not having stood up for/protected myself with a boundary. Even the tiniest boundaries (made to protect you - not to make someone else do something) can make a huge difference.
Hope this helps!
BlueCloud
-- Edited by BlueCloud at 09:46, 2005-11-16
Vermont635a said
Nov 16, 2005
The anger is deadly. I tried to not express it. It would sneak out when I least wanted it to. I would explode over some triviality at my place of employment. My beloved alanon friends told me to make a pile of pillows on my bed. Make sure no one is in ear shot. Just let all the anger and rage come out while punching the pillows. It works! It really works!
canadianguy said
Nov 16, 2005
Well, what worked for me, was an appeal to my competitiveness..... A very wise counselor told me, very truthfully, that "when I anger, she wins" (meaning my A). So I was VERY motivated to deal with my anger in more positive ways, cuz I was NOT gonna let her get the best of me!!!
Now, the above may not exactly sound the healthiest of reasons why, but for me, it worked to kick my butt into trying different things... I don't think there was one specific solution, but a few of the "tools" I used were:
1. Always asked myself "what is my part"?
2. Got my focus back onto the "what", and steered clear of the "why"?
3. Recognized that most anger is, in fact, unmet expectations..... so I slowly stopped having expectations of my A.... and slowly started having more expectations of myself
4. Physical exhertion/exercise.... I found this to be a HUGE help - working out, going for a good sweat, it just channelled so much of what I had been carrying around
5. Talking it out with a "safe" person, usually my sponsor, sometimes a counsellor, and other times my Al-Anon groups.
6. Doing my daily readings - all helping to bring the focus away from the A, and back onto me...
I wake up most days now ANGRY. How do I let go of this Anger? I find myself taking it out on everyone except my alcoholic husband. He I try ignoring. Well not really - its eating me up inside. But Im exploding at my son, exploding at work.
Barbara,
Your post struck a cord with me. It made me think two things: if you're waking up angry every day perhaps you've given your power away. If you're letting the anger come out at the wrong person/wrong time, perhaps despite the fact that you're waking up angry every day, you're not really honoring and admitting how angry you are.
I used to feel pressure to just "get over" or move on from my anger, as fast as I could. I don't like being angry it's unpleasant and it often ties me in knots for days. Sometimes, I would just feel like a big, giant, churning hela monster LOL, spewing anger every were. Ironically, even though I though steam was coming from my head and my anger seemed to so clear--i.e. can't everyone SEE how angry I am, I find I don't really get a handle on my anger until I say to myself, outloud (or in a journal) "Boy, I really feel angry about X or Y or Z". (That's the first step. If you're interested, there's a longer set of journal exercises that I often do from a book called _Anger: Taming the Beast_, which is hands-down the best self-help book I've ever read. It really teaches you how to get a handle on your anger and it does so in a way that consistently leaves me feeling at peace, centered, etc and ready to tackle the hardest part, which is problem-solving).
If I can really tune into the anger and acknowledge EXACTLY What's making me angry (without taking it out on myself by stewing or taking it out on others by spewing), it often guides me and lets me konw where I need to protect myself and set boundaries. I often find that even though at first I believe I'm angry at someone, more often than not, I'm angry at myself for not having stood up for/protected myself with a boundary. Even the tiniest boundaries (made to protect you - not to make someone else do something) can make a huge difference.
Hope this helps!
BlueCloud
-- Edited by BlueCloud at 09:46, 2005-11-16
The anger is deadly. I tried to not express it. It would sneak out when I least wanted it to. I would explode over some triviality at my place of employment. My beloved alanon friends told me to make a pile of pillows on my bed. Make sure no one is in ear shot. Just let all the anger and rage come out while punching the pillows. It works! It really works!
Well, what worked for me, was an appeal to my competitiveness..... A very wise counselor told me, very truthfully, that "when I anger, she wins" (meaning my A). So I was VERY motivated to deal with my anger in more positive ways, cuz I was NOT gonna let her get the best of me!!!
Now, the above may not exactly sound the healthiest of reasons why, but for me, it worked to kick my butt into trying different things... I don't think there was one specific solution, but a few of the "tools" I used were:
1. Always asked myself "what is my part"?
2. Got my focus back onto the "what", and steered clear of the "why"?
3. Recognized that most anger is, in fact, unmet expectations..... so I slowly stopped having expectations of my A.... and slowly started having more expectations of myself
4. Physical exhertion/exercise.... I found this to be a HUGE help - working out, going for a good sweat, it just channelled so much of what I had been carrying around
5. Talking it out with a "safe" person, usually my sponsor, sometimes a counsellor, and other times my Al-Anon groups.
6. Doing my daily readings - all helping to bring the focus away from the A, and back onto me...
Hope those help a bit....
Tom