I have been through too many tumultuous relationships in the past several years. My relationship before the last one was lasted for two years. It lasted two years because I did all the work, so there really wasn't a relationship. I remember him always showing up late(up to 2 hrs late) when we had plans. I would cry and get angry because he had very little time for me. I look back now and think how disgusting I was to allow someone to treat me so poorly. Little did I know, he was seeing a friend of mine behind my back. They are getting married. That was such a blow to me......BETRAYAL by two people I knew. The next relationship lasted for a year. He was like a freight train running full speed ahead. He pulled out all the stops....dinners, flowers, expensive gifts. I thought something was wrong but I ignored my intuition again. He started tracking my whereabouts, constantly asked about my sexual past with my ex's. Then he did the unacceptable; he raped me, got me pregnant, then told me if I didn't have an abortion I was on my own. He would have nothing to do with the baby. At the time, I thought that this could not be real. Why is this happening to me? Then I realized, I watched my father (the A) beat and try to kill my mother, verbally abuse and beat my brother and me. I lived in a house of hatred and violence. I was never loved. My family was too sick to be able to love. For years I would keep going back to my family desperately trying to get that love from them. I finally accepted things the way they are. It was a very painful process. Until I love myself, know who I am, and accept myself I will never have a healthy relationship. Through the love of my sponsor, I am changing. A man I met a few years ago recently asked me out on a date. I went and something did not feel right. It was my intuition(God) telling me, "No". He asked me out again and said he would call Thursday evening. I never heard from him until last night. He started telling me that he was called out of town for work over the weekend. I just listened and then told him I had to get off the phone. In the past, I would have accepted this behavior but not today. I don't live there anymore. I look back and see someone so foreign to me. Who was that person? I am becoming who I was meant to be. I learned to listen to God. I would rather be alone than sick with someone. Today I have comfort in sitting back and letting life happen while I take care of myself and do what's best for me and my beautiful children. I don't listen to my parents' voices anymore. I listen to God's voice. Life is so much better when I let God do all the work.

(((Kissers)))

I really needed to read this post this morning.  I just left my verbally, mentally, physically abusive husband Saturday night.  It took alot of courage and I have a long road ahead of me.  I have been doing some soul searching trying to figure out how I ever let myself get into this relationship in the first place.  We have been together for over three years and I too have done all the work in this relationship.  It started out with the mental and verbal abuse.  I set boundaries in the beginning but he continuosly crossed those boundaries and I allowed it to happen.  I let him chip away at my self-esteem.  Just recently my husband's verbal and mental abuse escalated to physical abuse.  I felt I had to leave while I still had some self-respect left.  It is encouraging to read a post like yours and know that, with work, things will and can get better.  Thank you for your post.

Julie

((((Kissers)))),

I really appreciated your powerful, powerful post! It helps so much when members post their journey and show what a difference being in the program has made. Thanks a billion for sharing your spiritual journey, it helped me realized that the hope that's available when we lean on HP .

BlueCloud

Kissers, Thanks so much for your post. There are a lot of similarities in our stories, and I agree it is so much easier to let God do all the work. Glad to hear how things are going for you...gives me more hope. - Hope

Kissers

I am so glad I read your post-It gave me goosebumps and gave me a lump in my throat becuz what you are describing hurts me.  I feel like I have been stripped of my self and my dignity so much that I don't even know who I am.  But I keep thinking back to a time when my husband was in jail for quite a while and I was happy.  And I laughed a lot and enjoyed my life.  So thank you for having the courage to change the things you can.  I too need to listen to my intuition (HP) because it leads me to THE GOOD LIFE every time.  Your words were very powerful

Julie

WOW! Your posting made me smile a big smile.  There are places where I won't live anymore either.  I am starting to have such a free feeling inside my heart, I know it's my HP taking care of things I thought I could take care of myself.  I think at times "why didn't I do this years ago?" I know that I didn't because it wasn't time then.  Thanks for sharing.

Hugs Mary