Thanks to Al-Anon I was able to be compassionate when my A finally showed up last night around 7:30 or so. When he started crying about how sorry he was for hurting me. That he now realizes how much more important his marriage is than the drugs and alcohol. That he has told me when he returned home on October 16th that if he couldn't control his use then he would quit. He said he has had his last drink. I was loving in my words, a year ago I would be screaming. I know now that it is the disease I am dealing with not the man. I told him that I love him, that I am sorry he is having such a rough time, that if he can't do it alone there is plenty of help for him and then I said.........please talk to me about all this when you are sober. He said he would Monday night.
My A has never said he is done; he has defended his "right" to drink and use. He has told me in the past that if he had to choose his fun times with his friends or me, that his friends would win hands down. I want to be excited, but as I told him, we will take one day at a time. I used lots of things I have learned, I applied lessons I have been taught, not in a grandiose manner but in a loving and caring way. He started last week mourning the loss of his son. It has been almost 2 years, he has not allowed himself to feel any grief, he has stayed numb all this time. He misses his son so very much. I embraced him and let him cry, I told him that although there is a reason for everything, the reason we may never know, I could only wish that if I die at 90 that there would be close to 500 people at my service as there was at his son's service, he passed away before his 15th birthday. I miss him too.
Keep us in your hearts and prayers. I now believe that nothing changes unless something changes. I believe that my HP is working miracles in my life and now in my A's life also. I will however take it one day at a time, as I know my A's life is also a work in progress just like mine.
Hugs Mary
Satori said
Nov 14, 2005
Can I just say "Amen, amen, amen" to this whole post and have it feel and be everything I want it to be in my reply to you right now??? I hope so. I am so ELATED! I cannot stop smiling and feeling everything that you have embraced with this program. It is a beautiful thing.
One day at a time, you have done it!!!!!!!!! You know that wonderful chill your body gets when you hear someone sing so perfectly, or at a live concert when every note is just right on the money?....I got those wonderful chills reading your share. Cool. Thanks for that!
Live to Love and Love to Live,
Satori
kitty said
Nov 14, 2005
wow, hugs mary & for your husband... I can grieve & cry for your loss... it must be inexplicable and who am I to speak when I don't really know anyone that I have loved so dearly, that has crossed over to God - I believe in my heart, soul & mind that God takes us when HP wants us back, no sooner, no later. <You were right on, we will probably never understand why>.
I have never known my father, have no siblings, and have no children.
I am unworthy & humbled from your share. Thank you for enriching my day.
in love, -K
Dolphin123 said
Nov 14, 2005
(((((((((Mary))))))))),
HP is realyl working in your life and his.
Your share had recovery written all over it. What you said about taking it one day at a time, and the way you treated your husband in the loving and caring way. Wow, you are doing so well.
Keep up the good work.
Much Love,
nycbt said
Nov 14, 2005
Thank you for posting. It is good that you are taking things one day at a time. I know that is hard to do because I have a hard time with it.
hudsond said
Nov 14, 2005
Mary,
That was beautiful! I wish the best for you and your husband. I love to see HP working! It is wonderful!!! You sounded so strong. Good luck tonight in your talk, if you keep that same mindset things will go smoothly, I will pray for the right words and actions for you!
Keep up the excellent work!
Dawn
megan said
Nov 14, 2005
Good work Mary
Good use of all of the knowledge that you learned.
yes it is a disease.
Yes there is plenty of help.
The fact that he admits he has a problem is good.
Excellent example of how to work your program :)
You and your family will be in my prayers.
Megan
twinmom2 said
Nov 14, 2005
((((Mary))))
Thank you for sharing your experience here. Reading your post gave me as I'm sure some of the newbies here hope in HP. I wish you and your husband well. Reading your post helped me to put one day at a time in perspective. It is amazing what HP can do if we let it. Letting go and allowing life to unfold is scary for a controlling person. Your post emmulate poise in handling your situation with calmness and love. Great work!!
Shaunie
TLC2 said
Nov 14, 2005
Wow! Sure looks like you have been working your program! Looks like your A has been paying attention too. With him even saying that while 'under the influence' it looks like progress. Prayers for you two are on the way, love TLC
gknee said
Nov 14, 2005
Mary-
I am so happy for you and your husband right now. At this point, we will take any glimmer of understanding and insight that they may develop! It is hard not to get too excited when they actually start seeing the powerlessnes in themselves----there is still so much work for them to do.
My husband is pretty much at the same point as yours is. He felt he could use for the rest of his life (love me, love my bong)--but he actually said the words "I may have to never use again"
that's why its called Miracles in Progress--right???
hang in there girl!
Jeanne
Thanks to Al-Anon I was able to be compassionate when my A finally showed up last night around 7:30 or so. When he started crying about how sorry he was for hurting me. That he now realizes how much more important his marriage is than the drugs and alcohol. That he has told me when he returned home on October 16th that if he couldn't control his use then he would quit. He said he has had his last drink. I was loving in my words, a year ago I would be screaming. I know now that it is the disease I am dealing with not the man. I told him that I love him, that I am sorry he is having such a rough time, that if he can't do it alone there is plenty of help for him and then I said.........please talk to me about all this when you are sober. He said he would Monday night.
My A has never said he is done; he has defended his "right" to drink and use. He has told me in the past that if he had to choose his fun times with his friends or me, that his friends would win hands down. I want to be excited, but as I told him, we will take one day at a time. I used lots of things I have learned, I applied lessons I have been taught, not in a grandiose manner but in a loving and caring way. He started last week mourning the loss of his son. It has been almost 2 years, he has not allowed himself to feel any grief, he has stayed numb all this time. He misses his son so very much. I embraced him and let him cry, I told him that although there is a reason for everything, the reason we may never know, I could only wish that if I die at 90 that there would be close to 500 people at my service as there was at his son's service, he passed away before his 15th birthday. I miss him too.
Keep us in your hearts and prayers. I now believe that nothing changes unless something changes. I believe that my HP is working miracles in my life and now in my A's life also. I will however take it one day at a time, as I know my A's life is also a work in progress just like mine.
Hugs Mary
Can I just say "Amen, amen, amen" to this whole post and have it feel and be everything I want it to be in my reply to you right now??? I hope so. I am so ELATED! I cannot stop smiling and feeling everything that you have embraced with this program. It is a beautiful thing.
One day at a time, you have done it!!!!!!!!! You know that wonderful chill your body gets when you hear someone sing so perfectly, or at a live concert when every note is just right on the money?....I got those wonderful chills reading your share. Cool. Thanks for that!
Live to Love and Love to Live,
Satori
wow, hugs mary & for your husband... I can grieve & cry for your loss... it must be inexplicable and who am I to speak when I don't really know anyone that I have loved so dearly, that has crossed over to God - I believe in my heart, soul & mind that God takes us when HP wants us back, no sooner, no later. <You were right on, we will probably never understand why>.
I have never known my father, have no siblings, and have no children.
I am unworthy & humbled from your share. Thank you for enriching my day.
in love, -K
(((((((((Mary))))))))),
HP is realyl working in your life and his.
Your share had recovery written all over it. What you said about taking it one day at a time, and the way you treated your husband in the loving and caring way. Wow, you are doing so well.
Keep up the good work.
Much Love,
Mary,
That was beautiful! I wish the best for you and your husband. I love to see HP working! It is wonderful!!! You sounded so strong. Good luck tonight in your talk, if you keep that same mindset things will go smoothly, I will pray for the right words and actions for you!
Keep up the excellent work!
Dawn
Good work Mary
Good use of all of the knowledge that you learned.
yes it is a disease.
Yes there is plenty of help.
The fact that he admits he has a problem is good.
Excellent example of how to work your program :)
You and your family will be in my prayers.
Megan
((((Mary))))
Thank you for sharing your experience here. Reading your post gave me as I'm sure some of the newbies here hope in HP. I wish you and your husband well. Reading your post helped me to put one day at a time in perspective. It is amazing what HP can do if we let it. Letting go and allowing life to unfold is scary for a controlling person. Your post emmulate poise in handling your situation with calmness and love. Great work!!
Shaunie