Well, he finally called.  I did good, I am not angry just very hurt.  He is on his way home, slept in his car and then went to a friends.  I stated very calmly that the "we" is not fixable until his fixes the things in his life that he readily admits he is embarassed, ashamed, and angry with himself about.  I didn't know what I would say, I have said the serenty prayer all day today and repeated I don't know how many times, "God, I am surrendering, please bring me peace and watch over my A"  My A said he was afraid to come home as he knows we are in such a delicate stage right now and he was afraid that he now has messed up everything.  The thing is...this time I am not angry!  This amazes me!  My stomach is not in Knots at all....Okay, off to finish the laundry.....Thank you all for being here for me!

Hugs Mary

-- Edited by marmare at 21:10, 2005-11-13

(((((((((((Mary)))))))))),

See what happens when I PM you, things change. Sent you a big long PM, and then I come to the board, and he has called.

I am thanking HP that he is safe, I know that was something I prayed about when my "A" chooses to not come home.

Like I said the shame is soemthing that keeps my "A" away as well.

I am very proud of you. Working your porgram girl!

Sometimes the Serenity prayer is all that helps keep me sane.

Much Love,

Mary,

I'm very proud of you.   You held it together.  Keep strong things get better you are on your way.

NIKKILOU

I'm glad he's alright.  Sounds like you handled that one well.  I'm thinking of Lois W's story about Bill W -- how he tried multiple times to quit with no success.  And then he found a program that worked. And then he started AA.  You just never know.