We’ve all been hurt. We all carry scars from the healing of wounds—big ones and small ones. In early recovery, we think about those wounds and how we got them and what we might have done differently if we could do it all over again. We gather information, and we think, and we learn about what happened. When we learn about the nature of our wounds, we can turn them into wisdom. Wisdom means we use what we have learned from the past, and we make our future choices based on what we have learned from our experience. Wisdom is a gift. Does that mean our wounds are gifts too? No. But the ability to learn from our wounds and live differently in the future is a gift.
######ROSIE....oh hurt is an understatement....and the scars are huge.........in early recovery i DID think, what could i have done/ had if not for this?????i was a victim of of evil!!! ...there isn't much i could do, i mean what DOES a child do???? but later, that is the 64k dollar question......no point in thinking what *could have been....SHOULD have been* becuz it didn't happen.........i know the nature of my wounds, and at this point in my recovery i am fighting tooth and nail to try and reprogram these DEEP seated self hating/ self defeating/ self putting down behaviours, feelings i have towards my own self.........i STILL, after 80 days of listening to *i love me* audios, STILL am getting on me when i mess up!!! i am STILL battling the inner monster who hates me......i see progress, than i slip, its like square ONE for me.....i am POWERLESS over this self hater.....so i am going to work the first 3 steps AGAIN on it...and this time i believe i will really detach from it and just *let go..let God..work my program and not even think about it*..........my *wisdom* from what i learned from the past is what is holding me back.....i have to take all those *brain washing* horrible patterns he did to me, and find SOME way to over write them..... i know my future rests upon my developing a better relationship with me/ God/ Life.....i got on me last night over losing the remote to my cable box.....i can't believe it....so i am asking my inner child, what is the real source of this anger at me????? the remote was just the trigger of things that have been building up on me these past few weeks......but still....i took my anger/frustration out on me and my HP....accusing my HP of not being there for me, and i had to make AMENDS!!! i had to do the steps 4 through 9, and it was amends to me/ God.......to say i am discouraged at these deep seated patterns , is an understatement.....i really wonder CAN i overcome this????? i know my wounds caused me to be more considerate/ more compassionate, and i HATE evil!!! i do all i can to fight against it!!!! but CAN i overcome these awful patterns of self hate that he forced upon me???? i am giving it my best....my ins doesn't cover mental health, and i don't have the $$ for shrink, so i work this program, work the steps....and HOPE....sometimes hope against hope that i can overcome this........the good news???? the frequency??? is LESS....intensity??? not much improvement......duration??? less......awareness???? oh right away!!!!!! i guess i am sad cuz it happens........
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Higher Power, please help me learn from the wounds and hurts I have experienced in life. Then help me use what I have learned to guide me today and every day.
TODAY’S ACTION I will list five things that I will do today that are a big change from the way I used to do things during my drinking and/or using days.
1..prayed about it......2..played tennis to discharge negative energy......3...self talk........4....working steps/ literature.......5...drinking more water to release negative energy in body.......6...slept Xtra to get rest.......7...ate lighter foods to rest my body........8....talked to my sister about my set backs of late...........9....decided to NOT give up on me.........10...accepting i am POWERLESS over these patterns....11....CALLING MY SPONSER B4 tonights meet.....thank you DONE
April said
Nov 14, 2005
That was powerful and exactly what I needed right now. I too feel like I am making progress, then one unkind word or look from a family member sends me down the path of self-loathing. For some reason if I don't have the approval of the clan, I feel as though I don't have anything and I can't breathe. I ask my Higher Power for help and strength comes, then I think I try to take over, and again I start sniffing around for approval.
I try not to bust my chops too much though, I am, after all, a work in progress.
You are reading from God Grant Me .
. .Turn your wounds into wisdom.
OPRAH WINFREY
We’ve all been hurt. We all carry scars from the healing of wounds—big ones and small ones. In early recovery, we think about those wounds and how we got them and what we might have done differently if we could do it all over again. We gather information, and we think, and we learn about what happened. When we learn about the nature of our wounds, we can turn them into wisdom. Wisdom means we use what we have learned from the past, and we make our future choices based on what we have learned from our experience. Wisdom is a gift. Does that mean our wounds are gifts too? No. But the ability to learn from our wounds and live differently in the future is a gift.
######ROSIE....oh hurt is an understatement....and the scars are huge.........in early recovery i DID think, what could i have done/ had if not for this?????i was a victim of of evil!!! ...there isn't much i could do, i mean what DOES a child do???? but later, that is the 64k dollar question......no point in thinking what *could have been....SHOULD have been* becuz it didn't happen.........i know the nature of my wounds, and at this point in my recovery i am fighting tooth and nail to try and reprogram these DEEP seated self hating/ self defeating/ self putting down behaviours, feelings i have towards my own self.........i STILL, after 80 days of listening to *i love me* audios, STILL am getting on me when i mess up!!! i am STILL battling the inner monster who hates me......i see progress, than i slip, its like square ONE for me.....i am POWERLESS over this self hater.....so i am going to work the first 3 steps AGAIN on it...and this time i believe i will really detach from it and just *let go..let God..work my program and not even think about it*..........my *wisdom* from what i learned from the past is what is holding me back.....i have to take all those *brain washing* horrible patterns he did to me, and find SOME way to over write them..... i know my future rests upon my developing a better relationship with me/ God/ Life.....i got on me last night over losing the remote to my cable box.....i can't believe it....so i am asking my inner child, what is the real source of this anger at me????? the remote was just the trigger of things that have been building up on me these past few weeks......but still....i took my anger/frustration out on me and my HP....accusing my HP of not being there for me, and i had to make AMENDS!!! i had to do the steps 4 through 9, and it was amends to me/ God.......to say i am discouraged at these deep seated patterns , is an understatement.....i really wonder CAN i overcome this????? i know my wounds caused me to be more considerate/ more compassionate, and i HATE evil!!! i do all i can to fight against it!!!! but CAN i overcome these awful patterns of self hate that he forced upon me???? i am giving it my best....my ins doesn't cover mental health, and i don't have the $$ for shrink, so i work this program, work the steps....and HOPE....sometimes hope against hope that i can overcome this........the good news???? the frequency??? is LESS....intensity??? not much improvement......duration??? less......awareness???? oh right away!!!!!! i guess i am sad cuz it happens........
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Higher Power, please help me learn from the wounds and hurts I have experienced in life. Then help me use what I have learned to guide me today and every day.
TODAY’S ACTION
I will list five things that I will do today that are a big change from the way I used to do things during my drinking and/or using days.
1..prayed about it......2..played tennis to discharge negative energy......3...self talk........4....working steps/ literature.......5...drinking more water to release negative energy in body.......6...slept Xtra to get rest.......7...ate lighter foods to rest my body........8....talked to my sister about my set backs of late...........9....decided to NOT give up on me.........10...accepting i am POWERLESS over these patterns....11....CALLING MY SPONSER B4 tonights meet.....thank you DONE
That was powerful and exactly what I needed right now. I too feel like I am making progress, then one unkind word or look from a family member sends me down the path of self-loathing. For some reason if I don't have the approval of the clan, I feel as though I don't have anything and I can't breathe. I ask my Higher Power for help and strength comes, then I think I try to take over, and again I start sniffing around for approval.
I try not to bust my chops too much though, I am, after all, a work in progress.
-- Edited by April at 21:23, 2005-11-14