God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference three little lines, but it seems that the last few days I have neglected to make it to the last line (wisdom to know the difference) I seem to have adopted the theory that I am responsible to pick up the slack that my active alcoholic has let drop. I seem to think that I have to plan things and make everyone happy, and have a good time. I have spent so much time "planning" and "avoiding conflict" that I have become an emotional mess. I am trying too hard to be perfect. Just for today, I am going to skip the first two lines, and pray only for the "wisdom to know the difference". Thanks for listening. aron

Well, I have 3 children at home.

I have to decide what really needs to be done.  I'm getting at boundries though.  I'd even get upset w/ them for continually asking for things or for me to do things.  I try to teach them to contribute to the household but that is difficult in my household when you have an emotion child in an adults body (my a) who not only shirks almost all responsibility but is worried more about having a peer relationship than a parental one.

I have to accept that I can't drive them to every function.  It's absolutely impossible to be in multiple locations at the same time.  I work with my network of friends and other parents and try to share rides.  Even that is met with resistance from my family at times.  I just have to learn that if they don't like it, they don't like it.  It doesn't mean I have to attempt to clone myself to get it done.

I have to learn to say no.  I have to learn my own boundries.  And I'm making progress and I'll never achieve perfection.

Bob

Perfect huh? well for your sake I hope u never make it to perfect. would be sooooooo boring. Give everyone u love back their lives and let them decide to be happy or not and voila ! you will find that serenity. 

Have u ever noticed that as we work so hard to keep the peace that half of the players involved end up ticked off at us ?????  that was a big eye opener for me.  good luck  Louise

Oh Aron- I'm a peace at any price kind of girl too. There are some things that are too hard to iron over and slap a smile on top of. But u do it for the kids cuz you so badly what to keep them out of the adult stuff. I told my husband (my A) this week that I honestly think I would have more serenity in my life if we were apart because at least I would never be expecting the other responsible adult to come home. Resentment becomes my middle name when I do it all. You can't do it all. It will destroy you. My kids are 9 and 13 and my feeling is that I already have a teenager that I gave birth to--I don't need a 47 y/o going on 17!! good luck finding that wisdom to know the difference--thats the toughest one of all Jeanne

I found that I caused more problems while trying to make everyone's life run problem free - if I had just kept my nose out of half of it, things would have gone more smoothly. Anyway, we don't do our kids any favours by taking care of everything for them - they need to learn to care for themselves. Every time they take care of something on thier own, they learn that they are indeed competent, and their self confidence grows. Of course, the trick is being there when we are really needed, and staying out the rest of the time, but nobody said this was gonna be easy!

(((Aron))))

Welcome to the Wonder Mom Club! Misery loves company!

"Little Miss Perfect", thats what my husband called me, just to get me angry. Sad part wass, that was what I was striving for. With six plus kids, I was trying to make sure that everyone had a ride to everyplace on time. That everyone had a wonderful hot meal, that Mom was in the stands at every activity, and at every teacher conference and every PTA meeting. Even if that meant, going staying ten minutes getting in the car and going to the next place.

The house had to be beyond spottless. I didn't vaccuum once a day, I did it three times a day. I put toys away before the kids where finished playing with them. I wanted to make home made soup, homemade cakes, homemade everything. I even started washing the baby toys with Mouthwash every few days. I changed everyones sheets, washed everyones laundry. I took care of the dogs and the cats and the turtle and the rabbit and the hamster.

I tried splitting myslef into at least 7 different people. He was a drunk, but I was the best Mom in the world. I had a great yard. (I mowed it myself at night after work, by flashlight) I had a spotless house, I did homework, dishes, laundry and sat on committes. I also worked every day, and made sure I drove and chaperoned my childrens athletics and field trips. I cried in the hospital when I was having a C-section with my baby, becasue I was moissing my oldest daughters concert. I kept apologizing to her, and she just said "Mom, get real you where in the hospital." 

You could eat off my itchen fllor. but who would want to. I found out that their where no medals for Wonder Mom. No sense of satisfaction, just exhaustion and a lot of sanctimoniouse anger. Oh wait, I did get a Parent of the Month award from the Board of Education in our school system. At the award presentation, my one year old screamed, my four year old ran around and knocked people over, and my seven year old was dancing in the isles. I ran out of there frazzled, annoyed, and with a splitting head ache. Then my four year old hid and a security guard had to help me find them. To top it off they spelled my name wrong on the certificate. They called me an energizer bunny, a Mom so full of energy and capable of being in so many places at all times. They meant it as a complment. I saw it as fraud. I was exhausted, and irritated and miserable, and more miserable because "that no good so and so" didn't help no one did. I didn't let them. No one could do things as well as me.

I'm still compulsive, but I learned my children can do laundry. They understand if I cannot be at every game. Canned soup works fine for most nights,(though I now enjoy making homemade occasionally). Kids like boxed cereal and PopTarts. My carpet can survive with being vacuumed only once each day, and guess what the kids are capable of plugging in and pushing a vacuum.

They also can feed animals, do dishes, the older ones can do their own laundry, and the doors on their rooms do close it they are not as clean as I would like them. They also can push a lawn mower, and only kill a few of my flowers. My life got a lot easier when I realized, that no one, certainly not me, was Wonder Mom, and I stopped trying. It is a standing joke here. When I start to get rediculouse the kids call me Felix, and purposely move things out of place, to point out if I try and straighten them. They don't want me to be perfect either.

There is a Poem on a plaque my daughter gave me, it says it all;

 

Cleaning and Scrubbing 

Can wait til tomorrow,

For babies grow up,

We've learned to our sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs,

Dust go to sleep...

I'm rocking my baby,

and babies don't keep.....

 

Lighten up on yourself. Perfection is impossible and striving for it will only make you miserable.

                              love

                  definately not perfect 

                        Jeannie

Oh Jeannie, does that ever hit home. If there was a hard way to do something, that's where you'd find me, with my ringer washer and push (no gas or electric for me!) lawn mower. I was going to have a perfect family if it killed us all.

Thanks all of you so much for sharing your experience. It gives me great strength to and courage to try some of your suggestions when you show me the peaceful outcome. And Jeannie... you are too funny! I am becoming you!... Just hopefully now that you have shared your story with the board I can skip the middle.... I am on my way to a f2f tonight, first one since the death of my grandma. Thanks all. Thanks so much. (((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))) Aron