Hi Everyone,

Another board member posted a very good reading on dry drunk behavior on the board (to read it, go to http://www.minnesotarecovery.info/literature/drydrunk.htm ), and as I read it, I believe I recognized MYSELF. Yikes!

I am not an A, but I grew up in an A home, and as I read I identified with the following characteristics, especially when I'm back visiting or interacting with my family:

Grandiosity - Check! - Let me tell you how to run things...

Judgementalism - Check! - I can't believe that so and so did such and such...

Intolerance - Check! - Why is so and so that way! I just CAN'T stand it!

Impulsvity - Check! - Deciding to very suddenly take on a very big task without thinking about it carefully.

I feel like I have good qualities, too, of course (LOL), and that I'm more likely to see these character traits in full swing if I'm interacting with my family. Outside of my family, I feel like I've developed coping mechanisms and skills that help me be more even and balanced.

But I did see myself in these character traits. Is it possible that I am overreading/overreacting or have others recognized themselves here to? If you have recognized yourself, I would be interested in hearing on how you worked on these character traits in yourself.

Any insights would be appreciated! Thanks!!

 

BlueCloud

 

 

Thanks for sharing that link.

Grandios made me laugh.  Both me and my a are Grandios.  She is Grandious in the "poor me"  and I'm the "big me".  Though I have to admit, some times you can be "big me" to get "poor me" attention.  For me it's "poor me" look at how "big" I have to be because I'm holding it all together. 

I too found some aspects of myself in there.   When reading it I also read aspects that are included in my a before she was really drinking.  It made me think that dry drunk really seems to be emotional or mental issues that while there is no alcohol is involved are left undealth with. 

I think that is why we see some of our selves in those characteristics as well.  As we try to work the program, we find our own defects which contribute to the disease.  They are are own mechanicism and unhealth habits that allowed us to get through whatever it was we have gone through.  Those of us who are not also A, just didn't use alcohol to try to deal with it.  We might only be a little less sick (we could also be as sick or more sick, I'm not comparing our sickness to theirs) than the A or for some reason chose not to use alcohol to deal with our problem.  We have other outlets. 

I've tried to work steps 1-3 on my own.  Once I find a sponser I will rework them.  But in a short period of time and without the exponential benefit of a sponser, at least now I see some of the things wrong with me, and that gives me power.  Power of one of the few things I can change.  Moi.   

BoBump,

I really appreciated your post, and the fact that you found humor in the description of characteristics ! It helped me lighten up and see these character traits not as an indictment!

Thanks!

BlueCloud

I think....

"Dry Drunk" is a term saved for alcoholics, who are not drinking, but are not really "sober" either..... let's allow them to keep that name...

What you are seeing in yourself, is what most of us see in ourselves, in that we are beginning to recognize our own character flaws, and finding that (with the exception of the drinking), we often aren't all that dissimilar from our A's....  The good news is that we can choose recovery, and move towards a lifelong learning and growth, through Al-Anon and similar tools of recovery....

I think if we look up 'common personality traits' for active alcoholics, dry alcoholics, and co-dependants, we would be amazed by the eery similarities...

Take care

Tom

I also see a lot of parallels between the A and us. We tend to focus so much on the actual "while drunk" behaviour (driving drunk, rages, violence, whatever), that it is easy to forget that they are sick people ALL the time, not just while drunk. And, that part of their sickness, we certainly can and do share. As anyone here who has spent time with a sober A can tell you, the problems don't stop when they stop drinking. It is only then that the problems can be dragged out into the light and really looked at, without the distraction of the driniking behaviour. We have out own distracting behaviour - maybe eating, maybe interfering with others' lives, certainly focusing on the A - it's all our way of avoiding facing our own sickness.

Hi,

I had a counselor years ago, that pointed out the similarities in an alcoholic and a co-dependant or an ACOA. She said that the traits are very similar, and that is one of the reasons that we are drawn to each other. It is also a reason why many marriages fail when an alcoholic finds recovery, if the spouse does not.

Alcoholism is a fmaily diseases and in many families, the cycle is repeating, so many alcoholics might have been children of alcoholics as well. We can get well and try and break teh cycle in our own family. It is all we can do.

                                       Love Jeannie