Struggling VERY badly today with wanting to call him and hear his sweet voice again.  But should I?  I left him because he had a problem but I still love him soooo much.  The last stupid conversation I ever had with him was about him planning on coming out to see me the next day and then a confusing mess ensued where I never heard from him again that night.  I left him - I changed my number - I tried to protect myself but god do I miss him.  I couldnt handle the confusion of his addiction - the ups and downs, the mystery, the negativity coming from him, etc, etc, etc.

Someone help please - would I be wrong to talk to him???

Hi Cyn,

Hugs to you. I am feeling the same way tonite..I just got off the phone with a friend of mine..and feel so dam lonely like I do every Friday nite.  I have been struggling all week to not call him.  I feel stronger not calling as most of the times his words are just words and he never keeps his promises. I know his addiction has kept me on a rollercoaster.  I do miss him also yet at times when I do talk to him, I feel worse. So tonite, I will sit alone, read, do some praying and try to get a good nite's sleep.  I guess if you feel that you would like to talk to him, just follow your heart and ask for your HP's strength.  Dont' be too hard on yourself..Take care.

Diane

Hi Cyn, When I was going through this, it helped me to write about it. I wrote down what I could rememer about what being together with the person was like. How I felt. I made a pros and cons list. I kept the focus of it on me. In the end I decided not to call. But, I'm talking about the last time this happened. I did have the same feelings a zillion times before, and I did call. But the confusion and uncomfrotableness came back. Eventually I remembered what my sponsor told me about "if you keep doing what you always did you'll keep getting what you always got" and I decided to do it different the last time, and I didn't call. The feeling of wanting to call passed. For me it's hard to pull myself out, and I know I have trouble with that, so I finally decided just not to go back. But it took me a lot of struggling to get to that conclusion, and I feel okay about it now. I think the struggle helped me to know when I was making the right choice for me. So my suggestion would be to work with it a little bit. See what happens, see how you feel, and keep the focus on you. You'll figure out what you need to do. Just wanted to share what worked for me. Hope this helps some. -Hope

Cyn, Welcome. Here you will find great strength, wisdom and humor (good for the heart). The only person who can answer the question of right or wrong in this case is you. But are your feelings wrong? Of course not. You will learn how to love with detachment. This one take work. But once you find the key to doing it, it's a great thing to have. Loving an addict whether active or not takes work. Relationships in general take work. I love my A too, very much. We decided that in order for both of us to wok on our recovery, we had to live apart. He's focusing on his, and I on mine. We're getting there. So there is always hope. Keep coming back to us. Remember to be good to yourself. That is so very important. Live strong, Karilynn

No advice here, but just a pondering question for you....

What do you think has changed, why it would be any different now, then when you chose to leave the chaos?

Tom

Cyn,

I can't tell you whether or not to call, and I it looks like you've gotten some excellent ideas for how to help you come to that decision.  I just wanted to chime in with some support.

{{{Cyn}}}

Cyn,

No advice here as well, just ditto what Tom said.

Welcome to Miracles in Progress, glad you are here.

We don't give advice here. We just all share our experience, strength, and hope.

Have you been to alanon meetings before?

Keep coming back. This program works, it saved my life.

Much Love,