My A came last night to pick up some linens to move into the sober house.  I put together a few things that were his when he moved in (that's about all he brought along with his clothes) and he spoke, I listened. I had very little to say.  He asked how I felt about him staying at the sober house. I said it was not my opinion that counted.  He said that he thought it was a good thing. I again said nothing other than...you have to do what's right for you. He said that he can't screw up b/c he'll get thrown out. OK. Miss one treatment sessions. Dirty urine.  As I am the only one on his release (according to him) then how would anyone know?  Hole in the story. I left it alone. Didn't even bother to argue. I was calm, I was not emotional.  I let him go. This morning I am up and starting my Xmas shopping with our annual trip (friends) to the Christmas Tree Shoppes. Tomorrow yard sale. Each day is a new day and a new challenge.

(((((((Kim))))))))),

The greatest part of my not reacting to A's is that I don't have to beat myself up over "I shouldn't have said that" or "darn, I was a little sarcastic there."  So that's the benefit of detaching.  I also have to detach with love.  If I detach coldly, I still get that funny feeling in my gut that maybe I did something not caring.  So I read on detaching "with love."

Enjoy your weekend.  We all deserve great and wonderful things.

Maria123

Each day is also a blessing, a clean slate to change "what we can". Keep the positive attitude, it is contagious. Aron

Good job Kim! Next time I have a talk with my A I am going to think of you and try NOT to say anything unnecessary! Just listen! Thanks Linda

And everyone of those small triumphs, add up to a great big recovery for Kim...... Way to go - sounds like you handled things in a way that you are proud of yourself - as well you should be!!

Take care

Tom