Some ppl I see in the room, I never see on the Boards & vice versa.
I come to the Boards to vent naturally but usually I am looking for the ESH from others.
I go to the ch rm to vent wildly - but it's so funny to me how one sentence or two & ppl start to talk back, make their comments when they have never heard me speak before. I know that's part of what the chat room is all about - a mish-mosh of ppl in different cycles of their lives & recovery.
I guess I have trouble with authority figures & anyone "giving me advice or telling me what to do" I'm just still so damn raw & sensitive from being married to a controlling addict - that although, I am getting better & kinder to myself, learning more each day in prayer & mtgs... I still don't want or need to be "told". I can read my own road map!
in love to everyone, -K
kitty said
Nov 11, 2005
wow, i just keep getting bitch slapped, gues i must be a real bitch!
tea2 said
Nov 11, 2005
((((Kitty)))) Yes, venting is good (laughter too in appropriate times)
You wrote: I guess I have trouble with authority figures & anyone "giving me advice or telling me what to do" I'm just still so damn raw & sensitive from being married to a controlling addict - that although, I am getting better & kinder to myself, learning more each day in prayer & mtgs... I still don't want or need to be "told". I can read my own road map!
Please remember to "q-tip" and the biggie - "Take what you like and leave the rest"
Take Care - Wishes, tea2
-- Edited by tea2 at 07:09, 2005-11-11
lin0606 said
Nov 11, 2005
To me, the operative phrase here is "in different stages of recovery". So many of us are here trying to deal with our obsessive need to fix and control the lives of others. No surprise that this sometimes comes out and bites us, both here and in chat.
DanaAngel said
Nov 11, 2005
Kitty,
Yes sometimes in the chat room there are different people discussing many different things and some tend to get carried away. Sometimes I just go in and observe it all and not say much of anything. Sometimes it gets too crazy or just too much and I can do just like the TV- just switch it off, if I want. That's another option. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Dana
Christy said
Nov 11, 2005
(((kITTY)))
Sometimes in there you have to say "I don't want opinions I just want to spew". Other times you may want ESH and make that clear too.
It is kind of difficult when people you've never seen before give opinions on your problem, but I figure when I went there I didn't know anyone at all and it didn't matter to me then.. Usually, no matter what the problem there are standard Alanon tools and concepts that apply, so for me, it really doesn't matter who is saying what to me (as long as they know the program).
I have noticed a few (new) Alanon oldtimers coming in. I don't know if it's for the first time or they have been gone for a while and are returning.
The chatroom can be many things, a place of comfort, laughter, a place to go in crisis, a place to learn and teach, to grieve, the list could go on and on.
The people there are so diverse, from newbies to 20 yr veterans. It's kind of a toss up what you will get when you go in with any given problem..lol
I'm just grateful it's there. :)
Christy
Satori said
Nov 11, 2005
"I'm just still so damn raw & sensitive..."
I feel those words, I know those words. And with time in recovery, as crazy as it sounds, I found peace with them. Not because I still do not feel those words when I am being told to do something or hear something that I may not agree with at that moment. For example, my ex A sending me a one line note telling me to F-off for no particular reason. I am human, I have that initial "gut squeeze" feeling.
However, I do welcome being raw & sensitive now because I have a different way of thinking about what I am being told and what I hear other people say to me. I look at it as an opportunity for my HP to show where the other person may be coming from in their own life (a lesson in compassion, like with my ex A and his notes...he's obviously not in a good place still), an opportunity to show me how far I've come in my own recovery (my progress...how do I now think/feel before I speak or, as I've learned, silence can be even better in some cases), or an opportunity to show me something I need to see or do for myself that I may not have considered (taking better care of me...showing me another opportunity to Let go, Let God...showing me another character defect that keeps me from growing closer in my HP relationship).
My HP does not want me throw a dagger at myself. He merely wants me to be able to step back and not look at mere words as daggers. Because they truly cannot hurt me or affect me in a negative way unless I allow them to. And, if I just take one step back and let the words fall in front of me, and let God pick and choose what I need to hear, respond to, or take action with then I do take "raw & sensitive" and not only find peace but a greater love and understanding of those around me.
I can agree to disagree here in posts and chats with respect and love from both sides. Which is the same as saying, "Take what you like and leave the rest." I personally feel that we all gain something from every post we read. Even if its simply more understanding and compassion, or the patience to read each word and just be a good listener, whether we reply to the post or not, or we engage in conversation in a chatroom or not. It's all part of the big fellowship web of recovery. It's all good. It really is all good, which is why we keep coming back.
Can ya feel the love??? I do!
Live to Love and Love to Live,
Satori
rosie light shines said
Nov 11, 2005
kitty................. I still don't want or need to be "told". I can read my own road map!
me..................yeah i am with ya on this......EVERYONE told me what to do/ how to do it........i think i can read my own road map now.......i LOVE esh, but sometimes i am in the room and i'll *sharing away* and someone will cut in ask ?? or they will give advice, ONE time i got *flamed* now i just blow it off and *take what i like...dump the rest* i guess if we were healed, we wouldn't be here!!! hehehehe i totally agree with you....give me esh ...no orders!!!!!!! love ya, me
jonibaloni21 said
Nov 12, 2005
Hi Kitty,
I too used to be so sensitive, sometimes still am. But one of the best things I got 'told' was QTIP,= quit taking it personally! Not everyone is trying to tell you what to do, they all go into 'help' mode! and they think they are helping you out! We're anxious to give the help we've received, but sometimes come across as telling you what you 'should' do. We take the "carry the message to others" too far, when what some people want is for everyone to just shut up and let them vent! If so, I've found, it's good to tell them, I'm so agrivated I just need to vent! Then you get (((hugs))) and nods and relates and that kind of feedback instead of what you should do!
Anyway, like others have said, Take what you like and leave the rest, is something I've learned to do too since being in here. I had to learn I had the choice now, I COULD take what I wanted and LEAVE the rest! So just keep coming back and enjoy all the benefits of these mostly loving, caring, kindhearted people, who only hope for all the world that you find recovery and serenity for yourself here in the chatroom and on the board. Cause that's what I hope for all of my friends and aquiantances here since I found this place!
your fellow alanon,
joni21
ps: If you get slapped with a large trout, it is a sign of affection, not a b**** slap. Just a 'fun' thing we do to each other!
Some ppl I see in the room, I never see on the Boards & vice versa.
I come to the Boards to vent naturally but usually I am looking for the ESH from others.
I go to the ch rm to vent wildly - but it's so funny to me how one sentence or two & ppl start to talk back, make their comments when they have never heard me speak before. I know that's part of what the chat room is all about - a mish-mosh of ppl in different cycles of their lives & recovery.
I guess I have trouble with authority figures & anyone "giving me advice or telling me what to do" I'm just still so damn raw & sensitive from being married to a controlling addict - that although, I am getting better & kinder to myself, learning more each day in prayer & mtgs... I still don't want or need to be "told". I can read my own road map!
in love to everyone, -K
((((Kitty))))
Yes, venting is good (laughter too in appropriate times)
You wrote:
I guess I have trouble with authority figures & anyone "giving me advice or telling me what to do" I'm just still so damn raw & sensitive from being married to a controlling addict - that although, I am getting better & kinder to myself, learning more each day in prayer & mtgs... I still don't want or need to be "told". I can read my own road map!
Please remember to "q-tip" and the biggie - "Take what you like and leave the rest"
Take Care - Wishes,
tea2
-- Edited by tea2 at 07:09, 2005-11-11
Kitty,
Yes sometimes in the chat room there are different people discussing many different things and some tend to get carried away. Sometimes I just go in and observe it all and not say much of anything. Sometimes it gets too crazy or just too much and I can do just like the TV- just switch it off, if I want. That's another option. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Dana
"I'm just still so damn raw & sensitive..."
I feel those words, I know those words. And with time in recovery, as crazy as it sounds, I found peace with them. Not because I still do not feel those words when I am being told to do something or hear something that I may not agree with at that moment. For example, my ex A sending me a one line note telling me to F-off for no particular reason. I am human, I have that initial "gut squeeze" feeling.
However, I do welcome being raw & sensitive now because I have a different way of thinking about what I am being told and what I hear other people say to me. I look at it as an opportunity for my HP to show where the other person may be coming from in their own life (a lesson in compassion, like with my ex A and his notes...he's obviously not in a good place still), an opportunity to show me how far I've come in my own recovery (my progress...how do I now think/feel before I speak or, as I've learned, silence can be even better in some cases), or an opportunity to show me something I need to see or do for myself that I may not have considered (taking better care of me...showing me another opportunity to Let go, Let God...showing me another character defect that keeps me from growing closer in my HP relationship).
My HP does not want me throw a dagger at myself. He merely wants me to be able to step back and not look at mere words as daggers. Because they truly cannot hurt me or affect me in a negative way unless I allow them to. And, if I just take one step back and let the words fall in front of me, and let God pick and choose what I need to hear, respond to, or take action with then I do take "raw & sensitive" and not only find peace but a greater love and understanding of those around me.
I can agree to disagree here in posts and chats with respect and love from both sides. Which is the same as saying, "Take what you like and leave the rest." I personally feel that we all gain something from every post we read. Even if its simply more understanding and compassion, or the patience to read each word and just be a good listener, whether we reply to the post or not, or we engage in conversation in a chatroom or not. It's all part of the big fellowship web of recovery. It's all good. It really is all good, which is why we keep coming back.
Can ya feel the love??? I do!
Live to Love and Love to Live,
Satori
kitty................. I still don't want or need to be "told". I can read my own road map!
me..................yeah i am with ya on this......EVERYONE told me what to do/ how to do it........i think i can read my own road map now.......i LOVE esh, but sometimes i am in the room and i'll *sharing away* and someone will cut in ask ?? or they will give advice, ONE time i got *flamed* now i just blow it off and *take what i like...dump the rest* i guess if we were healed, we wouldn't be here!!! hehehehe i totally agree with you....give me esh ...no orders!!!!!!! love ya, me
Hi Kitty,
I too used to be so sensitive, sometimes still am. But one of the best things I got 'told' was QTIP,= quit taking it personally! Not everyone is trying to tell you what to do, they all go into 'help' mode! and they think they are helping you out! We're anxious to give the help we've received, but sometimes come across as telling you what you 'should' do. We take the "carry the message to others" too far, when what some people want is for everyone to just shut up and let them vent! If so, I've found, it's good to tell them, I'm so agrivated I just need to vent! Then you get (((hugs))) and nods and relates and that kind of feedback instead of what you should do!
Anyway, like others have said, Take what you like and leave the rest, is something I've learned to do too since being in here. I had to learn I had the choice now, I COULD take what I wanted and LEAVE the rest! So just keep coming back and enjoy all the benefits of these mostly loving, caring, kindhearted people, who only hope for all the world that you find recovery and serenity for yourself here in the chatroom and on the board. Cause that's what I hope for all of my friends and aquiantances here since I found this place!
your fellow alanon,
joni21
ps: If you get slapped with a large trout, it is a sign of affection, not a b**** slap. Just a 'fun' thing we do to each other!
-- Edited by jonibaloni21 at 01:03, 2005-11-12