I'm having a hard time since he didn't go to rehab. I'm sick to my stomach. I didn't think it would be affecting me this way. I'm angry at him, the insurance companies and a variety of others....but mostly I am angry at myself. I am obsessing again....worried about about every little thing he does. I feel like I'm right back where I started. I just want this to end. I have made plans for the next few days and will be very busy so that is something I am doing for myself. I made an appt with a divorce attny to see what my options are in a legal separation. I'm scared and angry. Pray that I find the strength to hand it all over to my HP. I am trying to control things again and I don't want to....
Karilynn said
Nov 10, 2005
Kim,
Is it anger that you feel or frustration? Is the anger really directed at you or him and his disease? I know the frustration of getting into a program. A colleagues' mother ended up drinking to the point where she had to be admitted to the emergency room because they were afraid of alcohol poisoning, and they still wouldn't take her eventhough she had been in outpatient and failed before. There are other programs out there, you just have to look. He's going to have to make some noise about getting help too if he really wants it. But if he's been lying to you, it begs the question is he really ready for his sobriety? Does he really want it badly enough? My A didn't at first. It's the denial thing like Lou said.
Cut yourself some slack. I don't undestand why you are angry at yourself. Is it because you believed him? If that's the case, you know that addicts are masters at manipulating and lying. It's part of the disease. Refocus that anger into some good. Be good to yourself and stay focused on your recovery. You can do this. Good luck.
Live strong,
Karilynn
Dolphin123 said
Nov 10, 2005
Kim,
I will keep you and your "A" in my prayers.
Do you have the book "Courage to Change", if so there is some great readings in there on feelings.
Much Love,
megan said
Nov 10, 2005
(((((((Kim)))))
I am so sorry that he did not get into rehab, that must be very difficult for you.
I will pray that you can get through this and come out stronger
megan
nycbt said
Nov 10, 2005
I am sorry to hear that you a didn't go to rehab. That is too bad. Hang in there life will get better. That is what I tell myself when my husband comes home drunk. That is what keeps me going. If he is ready there should be some where he can go. But like me I am hoping that one day he will see the light and decised this is the day I am going to get help. But like you we can't force them to do it. It is good that you plan to be busy that is important. That is something I have to learn to do.
rosie light shines said
Nov 10, 2005
kim, i am glad u r thinking of *how you can take care of U* his inventory is HIS.........remember the 3 C's.....i did not CAUSE..........i cannot CONTROL..........i cannot CURE my A's problems............the solution is YOUR choice......what you can do for you to take care of you.......leave him to his own consequences, and take care of U.....glad you are here posting, and looking at all your options.......and don't beat yourself up!!! it is frustrating when someone you love insists in ruining the relationship.......but that is where the first 3 steps come from................good luck/ rosie
Kim,
I will keep you and your "A" in my prayers.
Do you have the book "Courage to Change", if so there is some great readings in there on feelings.
Much Love,
(((((((Kim)))))
I am so sorry that he did not get into rehab, that must be very difficult for you.
I will pray that you can get through this and come out stronger
megan