was having trouble facing the fact that what I thought should be As bottom wasnt his bottom
Barbara said
Nov 9, 2005
and I think I just realized what I was doing - which is what got me here in the first place.
DH lost a kidney beginning of August. Doc found a large cancer lump so they removed it. DS & I went to FL shortly after Husbands operation (day before he was released - this was ok w/all). A few wks after we returned I was expecting A to have cut down on his drinking. I mean after all he only has 1 kidney left! But that wasnt enough. He was actually increasing his drinking - his A friend came to spend time w/him that first wk home as I wasnt there. "A" had more time to drink as he was home recuperating. Since he didnt get a paycheck the last 3 of his 8 wks (he had used up alot of his sick time calling in sick on Fridays - day after payday) he started charging his booze.
I started feeling more stressed thinking A should have cut down or he will face loosing another kidney. Thats why Im here. I need to face the fact that he hasnt hit HIS bottom. But I think I may have
megan said
Nov 9, 2005
Hi Barbara
((((Barbara))))
I am sorry that DH did not hit his bottom with the loss of his kidney.
I can relate to hitting MY BOTTOM.
I hit it myself last July and that is when I found alanon and started down MY road to recovery.
I hope that you go to the alanon meeting tonight and that it is helpful to you
In support
megan
Dolphin123 said
Nov 9, 2005
Barbara,
It is so sad, but what we think is the bottom, may not always be so. My brother-in-law has lost everything do to his alcoholism. He was told a few years ago that his liver was going to give out if he didn't stop drinking. He still drinks a 6 pack a night. I was so mad at him, but now I just love him and pray for him. He lives a few states away, and I refuse to talk to him while he is drunk, but he knows how I feel.
My husband has had some bad things happen to him as well. He was arrested last August while he was shooting up on the streets of Seattle. He was gone from August until Christmas. He even attended inpatient treatment again during that time. I prayed that would be his bottom. He missed our anniversary and was arrested shortly after our son's first birthday. he missed so much, but sadly he hasn't hit his bottom.
This disease is so ugly and takes captive our loved ones so easily and so strongly. It is hard to live with.
We are here for you, keep coming back.
Much Love,
Tiger2006 said
Nov 9, 2005
Barb--This is really gonna hurt to hear. I know because when I heard it, I just cried from pain. It is not my job to judge what is or is not someone else's bottom. It is my job to work on my recovery and do the next right thing. When you went out and celebrated your birthday, you went to the massage and all--That was for you! That was fantastic! You did the next right thing, for you!The most important thing you can do is take care of you. I understand how shocking it is and how unbelieveable it is to witness the alcholic's denial and the way s/he puts his/her drinking/drugging ahead of everything/everyone else. I know how much it hurts. But the best, most important thing I have learned here in al anon is always the most hard--be loving, be gentle, be honest with myself, first, last, and always. You are doing great, honey! Keep coming back!
abbyal said
Nov 9, 2005
Hello Barbara , your post took me back a few yrs . When in a similar situation I found a one liner that changed my life = One more time. it said { INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO H IT THIER BOTTOM, START LOOKING FOR YOUR TOP. } just a reminder for me to keep the focus on myself. Only your husb knows when he has had enough. Louise
nikkilou said
Nov 9, 2005
Barbara,
My A's bottom was so far below what i thought it should be. But he was an addict and I'm not. We just don;t think the same. He hit his bottom last feb and has been sober ever since. there is always hope.
and I think I just realized what I was doing - which is what got me here in the first place.
DH lost a kidney beginning of August. Doc found a large cancer lump so they removed it. DS & I went to FL shortly after Husbands operation (day before he was released - this was ok w/all). A few wks after we returned I was expecting A to have cut down on his drinking. I mean after all he only has 1 kidney left! But that wasnt enough. He was actually increasing his drinking - his A friend came to spend time w/him that first wk home as I wasnt there. "A" had more time to drink as he was home recuperating. Since he didnt get a paycheck the last 3 of his 8 wks (he had used up alot of his sick time calling in sick on Fridays - day after payday) he started charging his booze.
I started feeling more stressed thinking A should have cut down or he will face loosing another kidney. Thats why Im here. I need to face the fact that he hasnt hit HIS bottom. But I think I may have
Hi Barbara
((((Barbara))))
I am sorry that DH did not hit his bottom with the loss of his kidney.
I can relate to hitting MY BOTTOM.
I hit it myself last July and that is when I found alanon and started down MY road to recovery.
I hope that you go to the alanon meeting tonight and that it is helpful to you
In support
megan
Barbara,
It is so sad, but what we think is the bottom, may not always be so. My brother-in-law has lost everything do to his alcoholism. He was told a few years ago that his liver was going to give out if he didn't stop drinking. He still drinks a 6 pack a night. I was so mad at him, but now I just love him and pray for him. He lives a few states away, and I refuse to talk to him while he is drunk, but he knows how I feel.
My husband has had some bad things happen to him as well. He was arrested last August while he was shooting up on the streets of Seattle. He was gone from August until Christmas. He even attended inpatient treatment again during that time. I prayed that would be his bottom. He missed our anniversary and was arrested shortly after our son's first birthday. he missed so much, but sadly he hasn't hit his bottom.
This disease is so ugly and takes captive our loved ones so easily and so strongly. It is hard to live with.
We are here for you, keep coming back.
Much Love,
Barb--This is really gonna hurt to hear. I know because when I heard it, I just cried from pain. It is not my job to judge what is or is not someone else's bottom. It is my job to work on my recovery and do the next right thing. When you went out and celebrated your birthday, you went to the massage and all--That was for you! That was fantastic! You did the next right thing, for you!The most important thing you can do is take care of you. I understand how shocking it is and how unbelieveable it is to witness the alcholic's denial and the way s/he puts his/her drinking/drugging ahead of everything/everyone else. I know how much it hurts. But the best, most important thing I have learned here in al anon is always the most hard--be loving, be gentle, be honest with myself, first, last, and always. You are doing great, honey! Keep coming back!
Barbara,
My A's bottom was so far below what i thought it should be. But he was an addict and I'm not. We just don;t think the same. He hit his bottom last feb and has been sober ever since. there is always hope.
NIKKILOU