Ok all, I got this at work and it made me laugh. Some of us share the same sense of humor, so I am hoping that I do not offend anyone.   All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,  painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

 My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
  It  was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them  apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you  pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
 So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck  together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!)  I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

It  works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire!

  With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I  drop  my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I  apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside  of my butt cheek  (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply an bracemyself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!   I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning,  I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???   Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
  I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me  so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!     There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
  Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the  hair. The hair that should be on the strip.
  I touch. I am touching wax.

  CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my  foot down.
DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
Hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut!   Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and  think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may  pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!  I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,
  Right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*

  I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is  having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
  So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxie myself to the porcelain!!

  God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some  secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my  butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" I calmly tell her.   There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal  but  she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"
  She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!  I should be the joke of someone else's night.   While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a  razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in  hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
  My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving  grace....the  lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.   What do I really have to loss at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, l but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"   I get a hearty congratulation from my friend nd she hangs up.  I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief  and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.   So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing  hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color...... 

that was great you made my day i have tears  coming down my face & i was laughing out loud hysterically i haven't laughed that hard in so long.  my friend called as i was reading and i could'nt get the words out

thankyou

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........

Not sure if i was supposed to read this or not! 

But.............. I am sure glad I did. 

That is just hilarious... I too have tears in my eyes and a stitch in my side! 

Thanks for sharing,

David

((((((MANDY)))))))  OMG I am laughing so hard.  That was just to damn funny.  One of the greatest gifts of this program is gaining a sense of humor - and girl you found it.  Thanx for making my day.

Karen

Oh my god, that was sooooooooooo funny, thankyou a million times ! I was having such a moody day and now I'm happy....

That was just G R E A T!!!

Thankyou ...FLUMPY

((((((((((Mandy))))))))))))))),

NOTE TO SELF:  Get a professional to do it !

ROFLMAO

Maria123

I too like all the others laughed so hard out loud and have tears running down my face.  That was sooo funny.  I could relate to the ouch part.  I have thought about doing it myself but if I did I would honestly be the women in the story. I did just have my bikini waxed before I went to Hawaii in sept.  Thought hey cant be that bad lots of women have it done.  My girlfriend even suggested I get a brazilian.  (means remove it all!) I was like ya okay why not......

ARE YOU F***ING kidding me!!  One strip and I screamed bloody murder and started crying.  Not only are you lying with your whoo whoo naked, but you have to pull your own skin, I was like no way, cant do the whole thing, cant even do the other side.  Lady was shocked, she convinced me to pray to my HP hold tight and once again she ripped and I screamed.  Needless to say there is a first time for everything and that will be the last time for "Wax Removal"

thx for the laugh, I need it.

Sunny1

OMG how funny dolphin!!!!!LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!

Haven't laughed so hard in a lonnnnnnnngggg time! Tears streaking down my face and legs crossed from imagination! OUCH!!!!!! but so funny!!!!

Thanks for a good one!

Joni

Thanks Dolphin!

ROFL not only am I laughing hysterically with you about your unfortunate story, but I love all the names we have for our parts.  I have such sensitive skin, when I had my eyebrows waxed for the first time, I had an allergic reaction.  I had to get a shot of cortisone for it - my face swelled up & looked like I had red sunglasses on ..... so I know better than to go anywhere near those parts with wax now - thanks to you !  This feels good to laugh.

Thanks for sharing!

Cedarpines 

okay, okay, I saw the taser thingy & had to go back to see this hilarious story...

I had a career for 16-17 years in this industry...  color correction, facials, u name it, I have done it -- I did draw the line @ Brazillian's  as 'waxing a woman's hiney hole was NEVER something I wanted to do'

I know this was a story that u found - but in case anyone does get the bright idea of waxing themselves (& as a pro, it is much mire difficult to get the correct angle w/ enuff force on it to rip quickly enough - the faster u rip, the less it hurts, also applying baby powder b4 the (hot) wax or warmed strips, allows the wax to stick to the hair & not your skin).

After you quickly rip & yes holding the skin taught in the other direction, also helps it to hurt less -- spanking or slapping hard the area where the hair was just ripped, makes the pain less than half -- otherwise, the throbbing pain of the lil hair bulbs gets worse over the next 1/2 an hour & you feel all numb & tingly at the same time -- believe me,slapping the skin HARD, the harder the beter makes the hurt, the stinging go away almost immediately.

I would recommend women to pop ibuprofen's b4 waxing or deep tissue massages.

Take it from a real masochist, I used to wax my own legs!  It is true, hot water doesn't help -- baby oil & lots of rubbing will get the wax out of the hair -- if anyone does try their own inner leg bikini region -- trim the hair to 1/2", that will make it hurt less too.

As far as highlights go, if u want to try the at home pain full way - I recommend a cap & knitting needle - have fun!

p.s.  I'm always willing to give free beauty industry advice - what bugged me about other hair stylists is that they would nvr educate their clients about anything!  I am an open book, ask me anything, I will tell you no lies!