What is wrong with me? Why do I have hopes and dreams and disappointments. I am so sick of this crap. I went out shopping with my ex the a. He had called last Saturday night asking me if I wanted to go shopping with him Monday evening, spend some time together. He called me Monday & said he didn't go to work that day due to a cold or flu or something but still wanted to go shopping because he promised me and didn't want to break his promise. He picks me up, I get in his truck to that all to familiar odor of gum and mouthwash... the coverup. Plus the attitude that went along with it. He was loud in the stores and although I believe he thought he was being a nice guy, I saw nothing but an obnoxious person that myself and everybody that came in contact with him probably saw too. He has always taken great pride in his looks, now he looks like crap. His hair is longer than I've ever seen it, beards all overgrown, sloppy clothes, etc. After shopping, all of a sudden it seemed, he was in a hurry to get back to his house, said he was tired and wanted to get some sleep. I must add, the whole time together I did not hear him sneeze, sniffle, or even yawn. I really thought I would be happy when I got back from spending time with him but it was just the opposite. He never came near me the whole time we were together. Even when we have seen each other for a few minutes in the past few weeks he gives me hugs galore, tells me how much he misses me. I may be wrong but I think he was keeping his distance so I wouldn't know he had been drinking. I think that he thought I didn't notice anything! Then he says that he doesn't understand why his skin is so dry and shows me on his arm how it is. I know from working in a hospital a few years ago that his skin looked like it does on a dehydrated person. I told him he was probably dehydrated and he said but I dring alot of water. I wanted to say the water in the beer doesn't count, but I kept my mouth shut. I had a few brief moments of a good time with him but came home sad and depressed. Came into my house and cried my eyes out. I couldn't even ask him if he wanted to do this again, spend some time together again. I just couldn't even bring myself to do that. It just wasn't in me. He called me after he got home and I could hear him on the other end of the phone drinking what I'm sure was a beer because you sure don't chug a lug coffee. Maybe he can only go a certain length of time without a drink and thats why he had to get home, is that how it ususlly works, I don't know. All I know is that he let me down and I let me down by expecting more. I'm tired of the hurt. Thanks everyone here for listening to me
hadit
megan said
Nov 9, 2005
Hi hadit
((((hadit))))
I am sorry that your encounter with your A was so dissapointing.
I sure can relate.
I thought I could spend time with my A even though we are getting divorced.
The same kind of things happened.
he would have been drinking and acting out and all the rest of the bad behaviour.
So then I kept my distance.
So now he hasn't been drinking for a few weeks.
I tried to spend time with him Sunday but he still has all of the A behaviour as he is not in recovery and I left in tears.
I am tired of the hurt too.
Be kind to youself, it is hard
megan
nmike said
Nov 9, 2005
hadit,
I can identify with your post. I spent the weekend with my recovering A visiting our son. My A has moved out but we are not officially separated or divorced. I think that you just think because of what they say to you it is suppose to come out differently. I think that A's are always covering up something either drinking or who they really are. Therefore they basically avoid being intimate. I don't think that you are being a fool at all. When I am with my husband I think that this is as good as it gets today. He just doesn't have what it takes to be healthy right now. I am like you. I was so mad after being with my husband all weekend. I told him I was pissed. What I couldn't tell him was that I was disappointed that we had to visit our son as a "non-couple", that I had to ask him to hug me, that I had to drive home 2 hours alone, and I could go on and on. I cried and cried and cried all the way home.
What I like about what you did was that you set your boundaries and didn't say everything that was on your mind. I hope to be there some day. You are definitely not alone on this one.
In support,
Nancy
gknee said
Nov 9, 2005
I've said the same words so many times. It just goes on and on, doesn't it?
and like they say--its hard to get rid of the A too.
I don't know how to accept and live with expectations of no one but myself.
Maybe thats the lesson we are supposed to learn.
Just trust yourself and your HP?
You are not a fool Hadit! You are just expecting something from an A that they cannot give--
the proverbial "going to the hardware store to buy groceries"
take care-
Jeanne
What is wrong with me? Why do I have hopes and dreams and disappointments. I am so sick of this crap. I went out shopping with my ex the a. He had called last Saturday night asking me if I wanted to go shopping with him Monday evening, spend some time together. He called me Monday & said he didn't go to work that day due to a cold or flu or something but still wanted to go shopping because he promised me and didn't want to break his promise. He picks me up, I get in his truck to that all to familiar odor of gum and mouthwash... the coverup. Plus the attitude that went along with it. He was loud in the stores and although I believe he thought he was being a nice guy, I saw nothing but an obnoxious person that myself and everybody that came in contact with him probably saw too. He has always taken great pride in his looks, now he looks like crap. His hair is longer than I've ever seen it, beards all overgrown, sloppy clothes, etc. After shopping, all of a sudden it seemed, he was in a hurry to get back to his house, said he was tired and wanted to get some sleep. I must add, the whole time together I did not hear him sneeze, sniffle, or even yawn. I really thought I would be happy when I got back from spending time with him but it was just the opposite. He never came near me the whole time we were together. Even when we have seen each other for a few minutes in the past few weeks he gives me hugs galore, tells me how much he misses me. I may be wrong but I think he was keeping his distance so I wouldn't know he had been drinking. I think that he thought I didn't notice anything! Then he says that he doesn't understand why his skin is so dry and shows me on his arm how it is. I know from working in a hospital a few years ago that his skin looked like it does on a dehydrated person. I told him he was probably dehydrated and he said but I dring alot of water. I wanted to say the water in the beer doesn't count, but I kept my mouth shut. I had a few brief moments of a good time with him but came home sad and depressed. Came into my house and cried my eyes out. I couldn't even ask him if he wanted to do this again, spend some time together again. I just couldn't even bring myself to do that. It just wasn't in me. He called me after he got home and I could hear him on the other end of the phone drinking what I'm sure was a beer because you sure don't chug a lug coffee. Maybe he can only go a certain length of time without a drink and thats why he had to get home, is that how it ususlly works, I don't know. All I know is that he let me down and I let me down by expecting more. I'm tired of the hurt. Thanks everyone here for listening to me
hadit
Hi hadit
((((hadit))))
I am sorry that your encounter with your A was so dissapointing.
I sure can relate.
I thought I could spend time with my A even though we are getting divorced.
The same kind of things happened.
he would have been drinking and acting out and all the rest of the bad behaviour.
So then I kept my distance.
So now he hasn't been drinking for a few weeks.
I tried to spend time with him Sunday but he still has all of the A behaviour as he is not in recovery and I left in tears.
I am tired of the hurt too.
Be kind to youself, it is hard
megan
hadit,
I can identify with your post. I spent the weekend with my recovering A visiting our son. My A has moved out but we are not officially separated or divorced. I think that you just think because of what they say to you it is suppose to come out differently. I think that A's are always covering up something either drinking or who they really are. Therefore they basically avoid being intimate. I don't think that you are being a fool at all. When I am with my husband I think that this is as good as it gets today. He just doesn't have what it takes to be healthy right now. I am like you. I was so mad after being with my husband all weekend. I told him I was pissed. What I couldn't tell him was that I was disappointed that we had to visit our son as a "non-couple", that I had to ask him to hug me, that I had to drive home 2 hours alone, and I could go on and on. I cried and cried and cried all the way home.
What I like about what you did was that you set your boundaries and didn't say everything that was on your mind. I hope to be there some day. You are definitely not alone on this one.
In support,
Nancy