Ok today i went to my moms house..We had a very good time,but she drank the whole time I was there.. I did not like that,but she said it was just wine. I know its not hard liquor,but she does have a problem
I want her to realize she is missing out on my entire childhood,and that I won't be a kid anymore..
In a way I don't blame her for starting to drink..My dad drove her to it i know it. He was very violent,and abusive...She stayed with him ten years to long...
I don't know..I just want her to be back to herself..Then i am contradicting myself because I want to go live with her..Oh well I am confused,and want my mom..she is nice,just sick,and I want to be there for her..maybe if she sees me more often she will wake up and realize that she needs to do something about her life...
Then again..I am just a kid..what do i know...I know I can't change her,but I can help her change herself when she is ready.I know why she drinks..She feels bad that she didn't take me out of a bad situation..meaning when my dad was molesting me she didn't leave him...I don't blame her for it..I know he threatened to kill her family if she left..and threatened to kill us..She feels guilty and drinks to forget..
She thinks I despise her for it but homestly I don't.. I just want her to be my mom..Once I asked her how come she left my brother and I at our grandparents,and she said because she is not a good mom..She was the best mom ever..just when she started drinking she turned irresponsible,selfish,and mean....but that is not the real her,it is the illness
well I can only change me,and I am trying,but it is hard
Lauren~
Lauren
kitty said
Nov 9, 2005
you are right! everything you said is correct... it seems like god is opening your ears, eyes, awareness, compassion.... You are so special to understand so much. Maybe someday she will forgive herself too. It is really hard. My mom didn't listen to me for 20 yrs about her A, she was in denial too.
It was hard for me cuz I felt abandonned by her (I was abandonning myself) & I felt like no one loved me or I was ever good enough. But she has *finally* "come back to awareness". I try to talk to her about how it made me feel, it's hard cuz I don't want to make her feel unhappy, guilty or responsible. Our whole family is sick & we're all getting therapy. Just keep at it & you know you are loved here.
It works when u work it & you're worth it!
love, -K
kitty said
Nov 9, 2005
Besides, it is natural to want to save & rescue those we love so much!
Ok today i went to my moms house..We had a very good time,but she drank the whole time I was there.. I did not like that,but she said it was just wine. I know its not hard liquor,but she does have a problem
I want her to realize she is missing out on my entire childhood,and that I won't be a kid anymore..
In a way I don't blame her for starting to drink..My dad drove her to it i know it. He was very violent,and abusive...She stayed with him ten years to long...
I don't know..I just want her to be back to herself..Then i am contradicting myself because I want to go live with her..Oh well I am confused,and want my mom..she is nice,just sick,and I want to be there for her..maybe if she sees me more often she will wake up and realize that she needs to do something about her life...
Then again..I am just a kid..what do i know...I know I can't change her,but I can help her change herself when she is ready.I know why she drinks..She feels bad that she didn't take me out of a bad situation..meaning when my dad was molesting me she didn't leave him...I don't blame her for it..I know he threatened to kill her family if she left..and threatened to kill us..She feels guilty and drinks to forget..
She thinks I despise her for it but homestly I don't.. I just want her to be my mom..Once I asked her how come she left my brother and I at our grandparents,and she said because she is not a good mom..She was the best mom ever..just when she started drinking she turned irresponsible,selfish,and mean....but that is not the real her,it is the illness
well I can only change me,and I am trying,but it is hard
Lauren~
Lauren
you are right! everything you said is correct... it seems like god is opening your ears, eyes, awareness, compassion.... You are so special to understand so much. Maybe someday she will forgive herself too. It is really hard. My mom didn't listen to me for 20 yrs about her A, she was in denial too.
It was hard for me cuz I felt abandonned by her (I was abandonning myself) & I felt like no one loved me or I was ever good enough. But she has *finally* "come back to awareness". I try to talk to her about how it made me feel, it's hard cuz I don't want to make her feel unhappy, guilty or responsible. Our whole family is sick & we're all getting therapy. Just keep at it & you know you are loved here.
It works when u work it & you're worth it!
love, -K