I found out my husband sent flowers to another woman and gave her a CD box set. The drinking started back the same week I found this out. He claims nothing happened, but the drinking has continued. His behavior has been rude and arrogant once he has two drinks in him. He goes from one extreme to the other. At first he felt trapped, wanted to find himself an apartment, once I found out about the flowers and gift, his tune changed. This is getting so old. It is draining. I wonder what I have got myself into with this man. I am at the giving up point.
megan said
Nov 7, 2005
Hi meowmusic and welcome to alanon.
Do you like the music of meowing cats :)
I am sorry to hear that he gave gifts to another woman and is drinking again, that is awful!!!
What are you doing to take care of you?
I agree it is draining.
Alanon is a self help group for us, welcome
megan
marmare said
Nov 7, 2005
((((((((((meowzmusic)))))))))))
There is a huge hug for you. I am sorry you are hurting. The pain that comes with this disease may seem unbearable. A lot of us get sicker then the A does. We do strange things that are not normally in our nature. Have you been to a face to face meeting yet? Are you reading as much as you can about the disease? There are so many things you can do for you. Some of us stay with our A's, some of us don't. Every story and situation is different and yet the same. My own personal experience has taught me that threats with no follow through are just that. I was so exhausted from the lies and broken promises. I let him talk down to me. I allowed myself to feel unworthy. I even lost my temper and threw a phone at him. I went to jail for that. Now I know I am worthy, I try and set healthy boundaries, I only allow respectful communication. Some things have changed, some have not, he is still drinking. Know there is a lot of support for you, that you have come to the right place, read lots, and as you read the postings here, you will find some that may mirror your life, or read words that someone else’s A said, that your A has also said. Remember the three C's. Hang in there. The program works if you work it.
Hugs Mary
canadianguy said
Nov 7, 2005
Yep, yep, yep.... it's all awful stuff..... many times, active A's will resort to hanging out with, or professing to love, those who will let them drink.....
Time to work on you, in whatever form that is..... Al-Anon, posting here, etc., whatever you need to do to take care of you right now...
He is doing what active A's do.... he's drinking, being anti-social, avoiding, etc....
Wish it were an easier answer/solution, but it is what it is....
Take care
Tom
Jeannie said
Nov 7, 2005
Hi Meow,
When they are actively drinking, the only thing that is consistant is the drinking. It is like living with Dr Jeckl and Mr Hyde. They change their minds from one second to the next and don't seem to care who they hurt.
They also want to be around people who make them feel like what they are doing is okay and acceptable.
None of this is your fault, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You can take care of you and make the necessary changes in how you act and react. You can stop the craziness, or at least try to.
Keep posting, reading and coming back.
Love Jeannie
notsonew1111 said
Nov 8, 2005
(((((meow)))))) i understand how you feel. my a cheated on me before too. it was only a one night thing. the only reason i stayed was because i believe he would never do it again. it happened when he was drunk and high. i chose to stay so i must deal with the pain of remembering what he did to me everyday. it is hard but like i said i chose to stay. i need to trust him again and thats hard. so in the end it is all up to you. best of luck to you.
Hi meowmusic and welcome to alanon.
Do you like the music of meowing cats :)
I am sorry to hear that he gave gifts to another woman and is drinking again, that is awful!!!
What are you doing to take care of you?
I agree it is draining.
Alanon is a self help group for us, welcome
megan
((((((((((meowzmusic)))))))))))
There is a huge hug for you. I am sorry you are hurting. The pain that comes with this disease may seem unbearable. A lot of us get sicker then the A does. We do strange things that are not normally in our nature. Have you been to a face to face meeting yet? Are you reading as much as you can about the disease? There are so many things you can do for you. Some of us stay with our A's, some of us don't. Every story and situation is different and yet the same. My own personal experience has taught me that threats with no follow through are just that. I was so exhausted from the lies and broken promises. I let him talk down to me. I allowed myself to feel unworthy. I even lost my temper and threw a phone at him. I went to jail for that. Now I know I am worthy, I try and set healthy boundaries, I only allow respectful communication. Some things have changed, some have not, he is still drinking. Know there is a lot of support for you, that you have come to the right place, read lots, and as you read the postings here, you will find some that may mirror your life, or read words that someone else’s A said, that your A has also said. Remember the three C's. Hang in there. The program works if you work it.
Hugs Mary
Yep, yep, yep.... it's all awful stuff..... many times, active A's will resort to hanging out with, or professing to love, those who will let them drink.....
Time to work on you, in whatever form that is..... Al-Anon, posting here, etc., whatever you need to do to take care of you right now...
He is doing what active A's do.... he's drinking, being anti-social, avoiding, etc....
Wish it were an easier answer/solution, but it is what it is....
Take care
Tom
Hi Meow,
When they are actively drinking, the only thing that is consistant is the drinking. It is like living with Dr Jeckl and Mr Hyde. They change their minds from one second to the next and don't seem to care who they hurt.
They also want to be around people who make them feel like what they are doing is okay and acceptable.
None of this is your fault, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You can take care of you and make the necessary changes in how you act and react. You can stop the craziness, or at least try to.
Keep posting, reading and coming back.
Love Jeannie
(((((meow)))))) i understand how you feel. my a cheated on me before too. it was only a one night thing. the only reason i stayed was because i believe he would never do it again. it happened when he was drunk and high. i chose to stay so i must deal with the pain of remembering what he did to me everyday. it is hard but like i said i chose to stay. i need to trust him again and thats hard. so in the end it is all up to you. best of luck to you.