Tonight I am faced with the consequences of my boundary.  Saturday as you all know I had my heart to heart with my A.  Setting the boundary for me of non acceptance of anymore drinking in my marriage.  My talk with my A was heartfelt about trust issues, loneliness and the fact that I would not tolerate alcohol in my marriage anymore.  I told my A that if he chose to drink then either I would ask him to leave or I would go.  For 11 weeks he had been dry but did admit to drinking on two occasions which I had suspected.  After crossing that mountain I thought the tunnel was getting lighter.  Today I went to his business place and I was going to give him a lift home as he doesn't have a licence but he was still busy when I pulled up.  I said I will be back in 10 minutes I am going to the shops.  Upon my return I noticed he was on the phone with his back to me.  He had a glass in his hand and kept walking away from me.  He was like a kid with his hand caught in the lolly jar.  He continued to walk away from me until I walked up smelt the drink and put it down and marched towards my car. He ran after me.  I waited got in the car with him told him that I felt like a f....g fool and it was all a game to him.  The glass contained bourbon and coke which is like a red rag to a bull with me.  I told him he had just f......ed up his life.  I wasn't his mother I was not going to check up on him anymore and his marriage was over.  He said I don't want you to.  I know I know.  The house has been deathly silent since we both came home.  I can't bring myself to say anything to him.  I am at the crossroads now.  I am not going to make any decisions whilst I am still emotional.  I will surrender to HP and take baby steps.  Luv Leo xx 

leo,

I just read your post. ((((((((((((((((((((((((LEO)))))))))))))))))))))))))  I know that feeling all to well.  Don't make a choice right now while your mad.  Cool off and think about it.  Write your feeling down and others here can help you work though them.  Your not a fool.  Your a wife you wants to beleive in her husband.  Stay strong I'll write more after I bring the kids to school,.

NIKKILOU

{{{{{{{{Leo}}}}}}}}} Your posts have always been so valuable to me.  I'm looking at setting a boundary and then following up with my daughter.  Haven't done it yet; just looking at it so far.  I know you and your HP will make the right decision here.

(((((((((((leo))))))))))))))))~ I am so sorry! Stay strong and let things cool off before you make any decisions. Take some time to care for yourself for this will help clear your head. You wil be in my prayers! Wishing you the VERY best. Linda

Sorry to hear about this Leo, but I guess none of us (you included) can really be all that surprised, correct??

First of all, if you don't follow through on your boundary and/or ultimatum, you certainly won't be the first one of us!!  Your post just should hopefully serve as a reminder, for all of us, to take our ultimatums seriously.....  We need to do what we have stated we are going to do, or else it DOES become a bit of a game with our A's.....  After awhile, they stop taking our words seriously, and so do we!! 

I think it is time to examine your motives, and truly figure out what you want/need right now...  Sometimes a blanket "he can't drink alcohol" is perhaps an unrealistic boundary to place on an A - you "may" want to think about one that is more specifically for you - perhaps that he cannot be in the house, whenever he is drinking??  No specifics here, as if YOU really need your boundary to be "zero tolerance" for drinking, than you will need to follow through with the consequences.... 

Sorry it isn't easier for you right now....  I've been there, and it is NOT a fun place to be...  Take care of you.

Tom

(((((((((((((((((((((leo))))))))))))))))))))     oh bless your dear heart!!!!!!   i am soooo sorry, your A   f***ed up again!! i so can relate..........my dear friend,  know that when you set a boundary,  you gotta keep it/ stand to it/ otherwise they don't think our word is worth a damn!!  i had a  wonderful sweet  "A"  Ex   b.f.  whom i loved WAY  more than my Ex husband...but i told him   *NO marriage*  till he gets into recovery!!!   he got mad,  dumped me,  married this bimbo he only knew 8 weekends.....so  but i HAD to stand on my boundaries........i am glad now that i did........yes, it hurt....but i was serious!!!!!   my HP  has a better life for me,  but i gotta work on me first!!!!!!   whatever you do,  you know whats best 4 U....we can't say what to do/  not to do........i am so sorry for your pain!!!!!!!    love n hugs/ rosie

Hi My husband was sober for six months and I was so upset when I found out he was drinking again. It is hard to come to a decison whether to leave or not. You are a strong person. Keep your head up and you will be able to make it.